


The Gentle Princess

by audriel



Category: Princess (Manhwa)
Genre: AU from Volume 18 Onward, Alternate Universe, F/M, Skarde Arc Rewritten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-12 23:55:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 71,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audriel/pseuds/audriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Theodora was married sooner to Yapha and became his third wife, right after Haisha? How would this change the fate of the three kingdoms of ASR?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction to Princess

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> The Gentle Princess. Artwork by p.panic

Original Timeline

 

                        **Ramira Invasion                    Theodora married to Yapha**

**Theodora**                     17                                                        22

 

**Scotty**                           28                                                        33

 

**Rara** 2328

 

**Yapha**                          35                                                        40

 

**Shilla**                            24                                                        29

 

**Yovina**                          12                                                        17 (already married for half a year)

 

**Haisha**                          28

 

**Biyon**                            18                                                        23

 

**Freya**                                                                                        5                      12

                                                                                                            **King Mamere’s death**

 

Alternate Timeline

 

                        **Ramira Invasion                    Theodora married to Yapha**

**Theodora**                     17                                                        19

 

**Scotty**                           28                                                        31

 

**Rara**                            23                                                        28        

 

**Yapha**                          35                                                        37

 

**Shilla**                            24                                                        26

 

**Yovina**                          12                                                        14

 

**Haisha**                          28

 

**Biyon**                            18                                                        21

 

**Freya**                                                                                        2

 

**Hero (Hise)** 7    9

 

Princess

  
Princess is a story that revolves around three fictional kingdoms and the characters from each nation. The kingdoms are Anatoria that is known of its harsh winter and short spring, Skarde that is the largest of the three kingdoms and Ramira that is the smallest and yet the most strategic and prosperous of them. The story starts from Prince Biyon who the only son to the current King Pyordova and his childhood sweetheart, which is also his governess’ daughter, Bianca Rhodite, often called Bii. The young prince who is not aware yet of the politics of the court promises to marry Bii when they are older and holds to that promise even after he becomes King after his father unexpectedly passes away when he is merely 12 years old. While at the same time, Ruthen Tore, the strongest contender to the throne of Anatoria dies and leaves his son, Scotty as his successor to his ambition.

 

With this monumental change, the story picks up with Biyon and Scotty as the main focus and reaches its height when Biyon marries Bii who returns to him without seeking for the council’s approval. Biyon faces much opposition in his decision, but he perseveres with only the support his father and his most trusted advisor, General Vaida, and his son Leonard Vaida who is also his childhood friend who also happens to come from one of the most influential noble family in Ramira. His greatest opposition is Prime Minister Bardere who wants to have his daughter, Eshilde as the Queen consort of Ramira.

 

However, this is not made possible by the marriage of the King with Bii who soon bears the King’s child. Sensing an opportunity, Scotty Tore, now King Scotty pushes the Prime Minister to instigate a coup d’etat in Ramira. The coup is successful, due to the unexpected aid from Anatorian army which are led by Scotty himself, outnumbering the fewer numbers of Ramiran soldiers, especially with Bardere’s betrayal. Biyon manages to escape with his loyal subordinates, but is separated with Bii. Eshilde, with the aid of Theodora and Hero, manages to get the Queen to safety, forced to flee their beloved homeland.

 

Meanwhile, Skarde is only briefly mentioned and shown through King Argo who promised aid for Ramira, only to revoke them when they realize Anatoria’s involvement. After Ramira falls to the hand of Anatoria, Skarde propose marriages between the two kingdoms, they send Princess Yovina to be the bride of King Scotty and Princess Theodora to be the bride of Crown Prince Yapha. Princess Yovina is the first to be sent away and married to Scotty, while Princess Theodora is sent later to marry the Crown Prince. With Theodora’s marriage to Skardean prince, the focus slowly shifts more to Skarde.

 

Yapha appears to be a lazy prince who spend most of his time drinking and gambling. He spends the wedding night drinking all night long, ignoring his new wife and this continues on until both sides know that their marriage hasn’t been consummated. It’s later revealed that the succession of the throne is anything but peaceful. King Argo is rumored to ascend the throne after killing the previous king, and Yapha became Crown Prince after the death of the elder princes from the Queen. Yapha’s mother and previous wives before Theodora all died with only one died of natural cause, leaving him without heir. Theodora herself is the fourth wife.

 

It is suspected the cause of the great change is the death of Yapha’s second wife, Haisha of Ran, the daughter of the most influential noble family in Skarde whose ambition to place one of their own on the throne is renowned, as seen in the fifth prince, Prince Muzo. Yapha is unable to trust, and to open up to anyone, although through assassination attempts that threaten Theodora’s life, this soon changes.

 

This story explores the change that happens if Theodora is sent earlier to marry Yapha not long after he lost Haisha and his son and before he turns completely into drinking and gambling after their death. This story explores more of Skarde, the lesser known kingdom that made ASR. This explores more of the lesser known characters Theodora Tore of Anatoria and Yapha Argo of Skarde along the royal members of Skarde. This story is a rewrite of Skarde history as it is known.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning

_The largest kingdom in the continent, Skarde, was also among the oldest kingdoms with longer history than most, of which their rich culture could be attributed to other than their diverse people as the kingdom of Skarde started from different tribes becoming together under one rule. Due to this reason, the kingdom was divided into regions for the major tribes to rule. Through the centuries, the tribes turned into the noble families known today. With its mild to warm weather, Skarde fared better than its neighboring kingdom. With the largest number of population in the continent, Skarde was a force to be reckoned with; his army and navy were renowned for their strength. However, despite its outward appearance, Skarde was a kingdom that had always been under the threat of civil wars._

In an extravagant room worthy of kings, the aging King of Skarde was lounging carelessly on the plush pillows, a female maid was waving a large feathered fan by his side, while another was preparing refreshments on his other side.

“…Then there’s the matter for a new bride for Prince Yapha.” His Chief Advisor, whom he was currently involved in a discussion with told him.

“He’s still turning down the proposals?” Mamere plucked a grape from his plate and took it into his mouth in a bored manner. The only sign that he was paying attention was the raise of a thick grey eyebrow framing his face. It had been a year since Yapha’s last wife’s death, which made the greatly vied Prince of Wind once again eligible for marriage. Barely few days after Lady Haisha’s death, marriage proposals already found their way to the current Crown Prince. Despite the dreadful rumors regarding her death, it didn’t stop the ambitious nobles of Skarde to try to get into the royal family and ally themselves with the strongest candidate to the throne, though the King didn’t fail to realize the growing wariness in the nobility.

No one had been truly safe, it was common knowledge to all Skardean courtiers, but a part of them was skeptical at this and thought that some people, or some nobles and royals were an exception to this. They were after all had all the resources to keep their own people safe better than most, and deep inside, they knew that if the strongest and most able of them was not safe, then how could the lesser ones be? They had clung to the notion, only to have it broken abruptly with the death of Haisha of Ran. The most prominent daughter of the Ran family, but also the wife of Prince Yapha, the best swordsmen in Skarde was killed. Courtiers in any other kingdom might choose to lay low, but not Skardean courtiers, they would work harder, trying to gain more allies, more power to stay ahead among the rest. That was how they were.

So far, the marriage proposals were a good sign for Yapha, since they still considered him ahead among his brothers in the succession and would lend their support willingly were he to ask them, but that might not remain long if they caught wind of the state of the Crown Prince. The once dutiful prince was became defiant, going against his orders and not answering to his father the King’s summons, negligent of his duties as he spent more and more of his time away from the palace. If he was merely performing his duties to the kingdom, his misconduct would easily be overlooked, but word from his spies that the prince was starting to drink and gamble in unhealthy and unbecoming manner of the future King of Skarde.

Yapha still retained his looks and charm in his age, which made people, whether they were nobles or commoners, flocked to him, but that would soon change if he didn’t get himself together. He must admit that he had soft spot for Yapha, partly due to his mother, and partly due to the son himself. He was the best among his sons, and the one he was proud of the most with his loyalty and devotion to his King and his kingdom. Yapha never gave him any reason to doubt his loyalty, unlike his other sons, but that might also change if that son of his kept testing his patience like this. He rubbed his beard in thoughtful manner.

“Aside from Yapha, is there anything else from the other princes?”

“Prince Mose and his brother are following your orders to guard the borders. Based on their latest reports, they have apprehended spies sneaking around the borders. They suspected it was Karta.”

“Huh? They never know when to give up, don’t they? They’re persistent, I commend them for that.”

“Prince Shilla proposed a match for himself.”

That certainly caught King Mamere’s attention. Of all his sons who were of marriageable age, only the sixth prince who had yet to marry, despite his popularity with the ladies of the court. He had his share of marriage proposals and courtships with some noblewomen, but all of them fell through, for one reason or another. For him to actually come forward with a marriage proposal on his own was interesting to say the least.

“Does he have a nobleman’s daughter in mind?”

“Not exactly,” the Chief Advisor responded cryptically. “Unless you consider Ruthen Tore a mere nobleman.”

“He’s asking for Ruthen Tore’s daughter, _King Scotty’s sister_?” Mamere blinked in shock, of all noblemen’s daughter to ask for their hand in marriage, Shilla was considering an Anatorian lady over a Skardean lady? But then again, he himself was considering a marriage between the Anatorian King and one of his daughters; it should be no surprise that one of his sons would be married to an Anatorian lady, or better, the King’s sister himself.

“Scotty has a sister of marriageable age?” Mamere did remember that Scotty had a sister who was married to one of his most trusted generals, but he didn’t quite remember of any other sisters.

“A sister from different mother. A daughter from his father’s mistress. She was once considered as potential bride for young Prince Biyon, being the only nobleman’s daughter close in age in Anatoria.”

“Ah, Theodora, isn’t it?” The young Prince Biyon of Ramira had been a greatly desired match for every King and nobleman alike, being the only heir to the throne of the rich and prosperous kingdom. He had proposed his own daughters, along with some of his noblemen’s, including his ambassador for Ramira’s daughter. The ambassador had mentioned the other potential brides for the prince, which included Ruthen Tore’s daughter, Theodora. “You said that she was a daughter from his mistress. So she’s a bastard?”

“Her mother is never married to Ruthen Tore, and King Scotty never openly acknowledged her as his sister, but she is included in the Act of Succession, despite merely being stated as plain Lady Theodora instead of Princess Theodora.”

“That sounds like Scotty,” Mamere smirked in amusement. “Didn’t want to acknowledge her, but didn’t want to have anyone else but his own blood in the line of succession.”

“How far is she in the succession?”

“Right now, she is third in line. King Scotty is not married, though he has mistresses and acknowledges none of their children. Princess Hazel is married with one child, Princess Beatrice. Then, there’s the Lady Theodora herself who is currently unmarried.”

“Third in line huh? Not bad, especially if Scotty and his sister didn’t have a son and she had a son herself. That pretty much makes her equivalent with a princess, if Scotty himself doesn’t make her one with her being sent as a bride to Skarde.”

“Are you going to approve the match between Prince Shilla and Lady Theodora?”

“No.”

Plans were starting to form in his cunning mind. Since Anatoria’s successful conquest of Ramira, Skarde was careful not to offend the new ruler of Ramira, and to gain as much favor as possible by taking the role of impartial party, as though Skarde never promised anything to Ramira. They traded correspondence more often than before, keeping their ambassadors in the other’s kingdom busy with various talks regarding alliance and the conditions of the alliance.

Only a year had passed after the invasion, and they had yet to settle on anything. Skarde wanted a piece of Ramira, that was made clear in the very beginning, and Anatoria was not foolish enough to refuse the largest kingdom of ASR, though he had to admit that they were doing well to keep the upper hand in the negotiations. King Scotty, young as he might, was a formidable opponent indeed and was not one to be underestimated. This marriage match might be the opening he needed to gain an upper hand for Skarde, while gaining him some upper hand for himself.

“Tell Tarazi to mention marriage match between our kingdoms, a son of ours with a daughter of theirs and a son of theirs with a daughter of ours. Tell him that we are proposing a match between the King and my Yovina, and his sister and Shilla, with the youth of the lovely princesses, we have no doubt that they would make excellent brides for both of us. _However_ …” At this, the Skardean King leaned forward to emphasize his point.

“Tarazi is also to mention that Prince Yapha has lost his wife recently and is currently looking for a bride.”

His Chief Advisor for many years barely blinked as he made notes on the parchment, understanding perfectly well his King’s reasoning. By proposing Lady Theodora as Prince Shilla’s match, they had already shown their interest in the young lady and considered her a potential bride for a prince of Skarde. It should not escape the King of Anatoria’s notice when Prince Yapha was mentioned. Scotty was no fool not to recognize an opportunity when he saw one. He wouldn’t let the chance of having his own sister as the future Queen consort of Skarde slip away from his grasp, as much as Mamere wouldn’t let the chance of having his own daughter and eventually his grandchild whether by his daughter _or_ by his son on the throne of Anatoria slip away. By that comparison, Skarde was much better off than Anatoria.

At the same time, this match also solved the issue regarding looking for a bride for the crown prince. He might be turning down marriage proposals from the nobles from Skarde, but he wouldn’t dare to turn down a marriage proposal from Anatoria which might cause a conflict with the rising kingdom. This also might force him to gather himself together. By marrying a foreign princess, others would naturally assume that he would also gain support for the kingdom his wife came from. This should bring their attention to him; they could either vow their loyalty to him or look for more ways to get rid of him.

“I’ll make sure that Tarazi will push the match between King Scotty and Princess Yovina, and Prince Yapha and Lady Theodora.”

“Make sure he will.”

It was a dangerous game he played; Mamere mulled this over as he watched his most trusted man bowed in obeisance before retreating from his chamber. There was so much that could go wrong in this course of action he had chosen. Scotty might not take up the opportunity to have his sister married to the crown prince. He might even turn down the marriage proposal to Yovina. Yapha might not get up on his feet after his marriage to the foreign lady. He might be allowing a chance for Scotty to assert his influence in Skarde. However, it wasn’t the first, or the last game he played. He knew that there would always be risks, albeit the risks were graver when one was king. Some risks were worth taking, and this was one of them.

*

*

*

 King Scotty Tore, the acknowledged ruler of Anatoria and Ramira, was seated in the grand chamber that served as his Privy chamber where he would have private audience with his generals and advisors and lately, with ambassadors of other kingdoms. Anatoria was well-regarded enough that there was always an ambassador assigned in his court from their respective kingdoms, but those ambassadors weren’t always so keen to make an alliance with his kingdom unless they or to be more certain, their kingdom was in need of their services. Anatoria was well-known for their skilled mercenaries after all. They acted for no one but their own interests. It was no surprise only a truly strong King could make them under his command. It had taken his father years to gain acknowledgement from the mercenaries, but he managed the same feat in less time in order to seize the throne from that pathetic man who dared to call himself King of Anatoria.

Now that he had expanded his territory to Ramira, the ambassadors kept coming and going with request of alliance of permanent nature, offering everything they could offer, their kingdoms eager to ally themselves with the rising kingdom or simply to avoid the same fate from happening to them. They were right of course, he had the strongest army under his command, the likes of which that could only be compared to the Skardean army.

Being the largest of the former ASR kingdom, Skarde might be the only kingdom who had nothing to fear of Anatoria, regardless of its new standing. Not only their army was skilled, but they also had greater number with wealth of experience both in land and in sea. The Skardean ambassador for Anatoria was as interested as any other ambassador in having an alliance with Anatoria, but he was playing it smart. He didn’t openly push an alliance, simply stating recommendations from his King for him to consider. The King of Skarde was known for his cunning, why should he be surprised that the man had chosen his ambassador for the same qualities?

King Mamere’s latest proposal was the most interesting of all proposals.  Marriage matches between Anatoria’s daughter and son and Skarde’s son and daughter. The marriage proposal between him and one of the princesses of Skarde was not surprising, considering that wasn’t the first one he received and wouldn’t be the last, he had been known to have no Queen after all. No, the marriage proposal that surprised him was the match between one of the princes with his half-sister. He had to conceal his surprise when his sister, his _bastard_ sister was mentioned, recognized as potential bride for a _prince_ , instead of any other Anatorian noble’s daughter. True that Anatoria didn’t have many noble ladies of marriageable age, let alone a prospective bride for a foreign match, but he doubted that they would have much to complain if he stated that the marriage was necessary for an alliance between Skarde and Anatoria to happen. Despite her low birth, simply because of her blood relation with him, the King of Anatoria, Theodora was the closest to a princess in Anatoria.

Scotty had spared Theodora for this reason alone, and by extension, her pathetic mother. Were she not related to him or had his father not acknowledged her as his daughter, Scotty would gladly deny her existence. Her mother could have cuckolded his father for all he cared, but he couldn’t deny the advantage of having a sister, such as for political marriages. However, he only had one unmarried sister, which meant he had to choose carefully with whom he was going to marry her off. Some low born nobility wouldn’t be enough, nor a prince from a distant, unknown lands.

He recognized the prince as the youngest unmarried prince of Skarde when the match was brought up by the ambassador. He had heard of the Prince Shilla, though not by much, considering his mother and his achievements, which understandably made him less remarkable compared to his brothers. In regards of age, he was certainly the closest to age to Theodora compared to other princes, making him an ideal match. But then, when he made some queries to the ambassador regarding the royal family, the man, almost carelessly, mentioned that Prince Yapha had lost his wife more than a year ago in an unfortunate incident. The man, Tarazi was his name, spoke too casually in sharing this information. He might be young compared the aging king, but he was no fool and he was not new to political games to recognize this subtle nudge towards the match between the crown prince and his sister. He gave away nothing to the ambassador at the revelation, almost dismissing him in disinterested manner.

After the Skardean left, Scotty had quickly summoned Haiga, who was his most trusted general and advisor while also happened to be his brother-in-law, to find out whether it was a gamble worth taking if he were to take the invitation or challenge; however he would take it, to have his sister married to the Crown Prince of Skarde. 

*

*

* 

In a castle belonged to the Tore family, previously belonged to the Monica family, a young lady could be seen scribbling on a parchment on her lap in the small gazebo. Her long silvery hair was falling unbound with some of her front hair pulled back with golden ornaments and her clothes were of the finest design and fabric that showed her status as a noble. 

“Lady Theodora! Lady Theodora!” A boyish voice called out, of which the lady responded to, putting down her quill and parchment. She picked up the ends of her gown as she stepped out from the shade the gazebo provided into the sunlight.

“What is it Hise?” Theodora asked the young boy of eight in simple servant’s clothes who was carrying a bundle along with him. His dark eyes gleamed in childish excitement, which brought a smile on her face. 

“Look what we found!” The boy approached his mistress eagerly who bent down to his height. “Why don’t you show her, Alea?” The bundle the boy carried appeared to be a golden-haired baby girl. The child, small for her age, showed a fist of her hand and slowly opened them to show a stem of ripe black cherries. 

“Wow. You found black cherries!” Theodora exclaimed, clapping her hands, imitating the children’s excitement at the discovery. The black cherries were usually found during the shift from spring to summer and they were rather difficult to find with their dark color and small size. They tasted sweet with a touch of sour that the children liked so much. 

“Did you find many?” She asked the boy. Hise nodded, showing a handkerchief full of the cherries. 

“Well, let’s clean them up and eat them together, shall we?” Theodora took the boy by the hand as she led them into the castle, walking through the hallways until they reached their intended destination, the kitchens. 

“Excuse me.” Theodora was mindful of the people coming and going from the kitchens. 

“Milady? How can I help you with?” A plump woman in a white apron noticed the presence of the young lady with her charges. She didn’t seem surprised to see her noble mistress appear in the dank and dirty kitchen as though it was daily occurrence.

“I need some water to clean up some black cherries.” 

“Ah, found them, didn’t you?” The maid asked the young boy, who nodded in confirmation. “Good eyes, you have there.” Hise bowed his head shyly, but couldn’t hide his proud smile and bright eyes. 

“Donna! Give me a bowl of water, will you!” The woman pointed at one of the maids with sour face. 

“Yeah yeah.” With a loud thunk on the table next to them was a bowl of water, almost spilling over due to the force it was put down. 

“My apologies for that child’s insolent behavior, milady.” 

“It’s okay.” Theodora assured the older woman. “I’ll take this with me then. Thank you, Dona.” 

“You’re welcome, milady.” 

Theodora carried the bowl of water while Hise kept their hold on the precious cherries and Alea to the dining room, passing the entrance of the castle.

 “Excuse me.” A man in Anatorian royal messenger livery was standing in the entrance of the castle, looking around until he caught sight of her. “I’m looking for a Lady Theodora Tore and a Mistress Isabel Sierra.” 

“I am Theodora Tore.” Theodora confirmed, approaching the man instead. 

“You are invited to His Majesty the King’s birthday party this week. His Majesty has requested for your presence.” The messenger gave her an envelope with the royal seal on it. Theodora wasn’t that dense to understand what it meant that her brother requested her presence. She showed nothing outwardly though, giving a pleasant smile to the messenger as she took the envelope.

“Thank you. Please tell His Majesty that I would gladly accept his invitation.” 

“I would certainly deliver your reply to him. There’s also a message from Princess Hazel and Lady Monica that they would like to see the children a day before the party.”

“Very well.” Then the messenger executed a perfect bow before turning on his heels towards his horse. 

For a moment, Theodora was only standing at the entrance, watching the messenger leave with his horse until they disappeared from her sight. A letter, a demand for her presence after a year without any word from her brother the King. They had not been invited to last year’s party which coincided with his return from Ramira, and she had heard that the invitation to the party had been greatly vied by the courtiers. She could care less actually, she was grateful that she didn’t need to celebrate the fall of the most beautiful and peaceful kingdom she had ever known.

She should have known that it was too much to expect Scotty to leave her alone, exiled as she was in the almost abandoned castle of their father’s. There should be a reason why he bothered to save her while being held as a hostage by the Ramirans. Blood didn’t matter much to her brother, especially such a tainted blood like hers. 

“Lady Theodora?” Hise’s voice piped up worriedly. He didn’t like the look on his mistress’ face. He caught the mention of the King of Anatoria who had taken Ramira, his land, his kingdom, by force and found himself listening in to the exchange between Theodora and the messenger. He knew that she was his sister, but he could hardly believe that the kind and gentle lady was in any way related to that King. 

“Ah, I’m sorry, Hise.” Only then Theodora realized of the children standing close by. 

“What is it?” 

“It’s just an invitation to the King’s party. It’s nothing really.” Theodora kept her tone light, having learned how perceptive Hise could be. 

“Do you have to come?” Hise frowned in disapproval; somehow his intuition flared in warning. He didn’t like how the messenger seemed to demand for her presence. Young as he might, he was the son of General Vaida of Ramira; he wasn’t that oblivious of the workings of the royals. 

“I’m afraid I have to, Hise.” Theodora smiled to placate her young guardian. She never ceased to be flattered whenever the child assumed his guardianship over her, though their position now reversed that they were in Anatoria instead of in Ramira where the boy was asked to guard her. Hise, or Heroic Vaida would certainly make a fine guardian for the prince or princess of Ramira. Theodora tried not to add the pessimistic thought if the mother and child were still alive. 

“My sister and Lady Rara would also like to meet you and Alea. You do remember her, don’t you?” 

“She’s a nice lady.” Hise certainly remembered the dark-haired lady. She was warm and caring, not unlike Theodora. Though he couldn’t say the same of the princess, she appeared cold and distant, but still more approachable compared to her brother the King. Theodora smiled in agreement with his statement. 

“Why don’t we eat the black cherries now? We already have the water to clean them up. Don’t you think Alea?” At the sound of her name, Alea looked up and gurgled in response. Theodora’s features softened at the child’s innocence and gently picked her up from Hise’s arms into her own. Hise allowed himself to be distracted, knowing that he could not make the lady stay even if he wished her to. 

*

*

* 

“That’s very nice of him to invite us, the very people he sent away to rot in such a distant castle.” Isabel said this as she applied powder to her face. 

“Mother!” Theodora was already dressed in one of her finest clothes, wearing the ornate headdress meant for young women. She was going to stay for several days in the palace along with her mother and the children. She had to appear her best, in order not to give her royal siblings any reason to complain about her. 

“I can say whatever I wish. This is my castle, not Scotty’s.” 

Theodora sighed at her mother’s behavior. She loved her mother, but sometimes she wished Isabel would just realize that the situation had changed for them. She no longer held any power or influence without her father. Her father, influential man that he was in his time, didn’t manage to achieve what Scotty had achieved. Ruthen Tore wasn’t King, Scotty Tore was, and he was the one who had the power over their lives. They were in no position to make any demands. 

“I only come to the party because the invitation included me. I wouldn’t bother to greet that brother of yours once we arrive.” 

Theodora wisely kept her mouth shut, knowing that despite her words, she knew that Isabel would greet him nonetheless. She simply let her mother rant, since she thought her mother knew that was all she could do. 

“Milady,” her chief lady-in-waiting brought her Alea, already dressed for the ride to the palace. The child gurgled as she was moved to her arms. She was such a pretty child, Theodora thought, she would certainly grow into a beautiful woman when she was older. 

“Has everything been packed and loaded to the carriage?” 

“Yes, milady, included the clothes for both and toys for Alea.” 

“Thank you, Anna.” Her very first friend and lady-in-waiting smiled and curtsied slightly to her mistress. 

“And why would Hazel want to see the dancer’s child and Ramiran child?” Isabel looked distastefully at the child, having to take care of the mother and later the child since the dancer’s death. 

“Alea is the King’s daughter.” Her mother snorted at that. 

“Yeah right. I don’t think she’s the first child her mother claimed as Scotty’s child, and none of them is acknowledged as his, let alone as a princess. Look at yourself; you’re plain Lady Theodora, while Hazel is made Princess with Scotty’s rise to the throne.” 

“Didn’t we run away to Anatoria when he made Hazel princess?” Theodora absently commented as she tried to stop Alea from chewing the lace of her collar. Silence came after her careless comment and only then Theodora realized her mistake. She was about to apologize when she saw the thunderous look on her mother’s face but Isabel cut her off. 

“So smart, aren’t you?” Theodora chose not to rise up to the bait, keeping her head down while restraining a sigh. Fortunately before her mother could start another argument, Hise made his entrance. 

“Lady Theodora, the carriage is ready.” 

“Let’s go then, Hise, Mother.” Theodora turned to leave the room with Hise, avoiding eye contact with her mother, not wanting to get into an argument. 

*

*

* 

Theodora carefully descended from the carriage while she was carrying Alea. The child was sleeping throughout the ride, most likely due to the rhythmic sounds of the hooves against the road and the swaying movement of the carriage. Hise, the little gentleman he was, helped her down from the carriage, a gesture which earned him a quick smile. When she looked up the stairs to the entrance of the palace, she was surprised to find a familiar face. The Ramiran mistress brightened up seeing the newcomers, immediately descending the stars, her skirts flowing behind her. 

“Lady Rara,” Theodora couldn’t hide surprise, then quickly gave the second highest-ranked lady in court a proper curtsey, which the petite lady was quick to rise her from. 

“Enough with the formality, Lady Theodora. I came out as soon as possible when I heard that your carriage has arrived. Oh, is this Alea?” Rara gasped as she laid her sight upon the sleeping child in Theodora’s arms. 

“This is Alea, milady.” 

“She’s gorgeous.” Rara beamed, appearing not to hold petty jealousy for the child of the King with another woman. For her a child was a child, and she would have doted on them as though they were her own. Theodora knew that she had a person she could count on were something to happen to her. “Oh come on in inside, the weather is getting colder. Alea could catch a cold. I’ll show you your quarters.” Obediently Theodora and her entourage followed Rara into the palace, which was significantly warmer than outside. 

“Lady Rara, you also might remember Hise,” Theodora gestured the boy to step forward. He bowed dutifully to the mistress of the King of Anatoria. 

“Of course I remember you. My, you certainly have grown in such a short time! Sibel is also the same. I think he’s going to be taller than me soon. Sibel could really use a playmate around his age. There are too few children in court.” Rara smiled warmly to the Ramiran child, earning a shy smile from him. 

Soon the two ladies chatted animatedly as though they were old friends that hadn’t met for a long time. They were not old friends, having only known each other in their short tenure in Ramira. They were also only separated for a year instead for years. But they had shared so many similarities that it wasn’t difficult for them to relate with each other. Their conversation came to a halt when they saw the familiar figure of the sister to the King in front of their assigned quarters. 

“Your Highness,” all but Rara sank to a curtsey, of which Hazel raised them from with a flick of her wrist. 

“Theodora,” Hazel greeted her half-sister in comparably colder reception than the mistress. She gazed upon the newcomers, her eyes narrowed slightly when they fell upon Isabel, who had to bit her lip to keep herself from challenging the younger, but more powerful woman for her derogatory manner. “Is this the children?” 

“Yes, this is Alea and Hise.” Theodora gestured towards each child as she said their names. 

“Are they a problem?” 

“No, they are good children. You wouldn’t need to worry about them during the party.” Theodora was quick to reassure his sister and defend her charges. Hazel’s keen eyes didn’t fail to miss this. 

“I made you new dresses for the party.” Hazel stated bluntly. 

“That shouldn’t be necessary.” Theodora certainly didn’t expect the gesture. 

“It was His Majesty’s orders.” Immediately Theodora knew that the gifts weren’t mere gifts. There should be a reason behind them, or something he asked of her in return. 

“Then please send my thanks to His Majesty.” Theodora tried to be as sincere as possible, managing to maintain the smile on her face while she couldn’t help but feel that something was incredibly amiss. 

*

*

* 

Even after spending time with Lady Rara and the children couldn’t stop Theodora from dreading the party that was going to be held tonight. The dress chosen for her was certainly exquisite, it was nothing compared to the dresses she brought along with her. It was a gown fit for a princess. Somehow the thought made her completely ill as though it signified a bad omen for her. She tried to occupy herself by choosing the headdress for the dress. It was odd that her immaculate sister could overlook such a vital part of the costume, while a part of her dreaded whether there was a reason to this. Then she scolded herself for her paranoia, telling herself she was simply overanalyzing things. 

“Lady Theodora?” Theodora was broken out of her dark thoughts when Hise appeared in her room. Hise was also given new clothes, it seemed. He was wearing a finely made dark velvet top and beige tights that in the right size for a growing young man like him. The sight of the boy in such formal clothes made her smile. 

“You look so grown up.” Theodora praised the young Vaida, for a moment forgetting her worries. 

“I… thank you. You look wonderful, milady.” 

“Why thank you, it’s a great compliment to have from such a dashing young man,” the youngest Tore smiled warmly, it would have been considered as flirting if it weren’t for the affection behind them. Hise blushed profusely at the innocent comment, which made her laugh, though the lightness that usually accompanied the laugh wasn’t completely there. 

“Are you alright, milady?” It seemed the child didn’t fail to notice it, a frown marring his young face. The expression seemed too old and mature on the boy, but he hadn’t been boy since he lost his family and land, Theodora sadly thought. He shouldn’t be the one who worried about her; she had lost nothing compared to him. At this thought, she felt incredibly foolish for her behavior. 

“I’ll be alright after the party, I can assure you, Hise. I believe this merely a case of nerves.” Feeling rather calmer, Theodora gave a soft peck on his forehead. “Now why don’t you go first with Sibel?” 

“But-” 

“I think the party can be more enjoyable with someone of your age to talk to.” Theodora looked at him knowingly. When the two boys were introduced to each other once again, there was such awkwardness between the two of them. However, once they were left alone, without the interference of the adults, the awkwardness slowly melt away. It was obvious that both of them were excited to have another boy of their age, despite the poor attempt of pretending that they weren’t. 

“Well, if that’s alright with you…” Hise shifted from one foot from another, a childish habit that made Theodora smile as the boy acted more his age. 

“It’s alright, Hise. I don’t mind.” Hise gave a shy smile to his mistress before excusing himself and went out, most likely in search of Lady Rara’s nephew and her sister’s adopted son. Theodora let out a breath, visibly gathering herself. 

“Okay, now for the headdress…” She turned her attention towards the various kind of headdress laid on the bed. She was about to ask Anna for her advice when there was a knock on the door of her bedchamber, which Anna responded to. Anna admitted an older lady-in-waiting after being given permission from her mistress. 

“Milady,” the lady-in-waiting curtsied as she addressed her, rather reluctantly. Theodora thought she recognized her among the ladies back in Tore castle who once served Lady Greten, which would explain the reluctance. 

“Yes?”

 “Your presence is immediately required.” 

“Oh, is it time? Let me decide on the headdress first.” 

“It isn’t necessary.” 

“It isn’t?” Theodora repeated in surprise. She would need a headdress or at least a similar hair ornament that went along with the dress. 

“Your current attire is enough. Please follow me.” The lady-in-waiting stood by the door, waiting for the silver-haired lady to follow. Were Theodora more conscious of her position, she would certainly demand proper respect from the lady-in-waiting, but she wasn’t. Were she not so perplexed with the oddity, she might have refused to listen to the lady-in-waiting. As reluctant and confused as she was, Theodora decided to trust the elder lady and went to follow her, her ladies following behind her. She was led through a series of hallways that eventually led to a set of doors that almost blended with the walls. 

She could hear noises behind the doors that signaled the start of the party, and yet, the woman didn’t give any signal for her to join the party. Instead she appeared to be waiting for something and that something was later revealed to Theodora. Several ladies appeared, carrying a long red velvet robe with ermine linings. She had read the description of the robe before in books; it was the ceremonial robe, the robe that was only worn in special occasion, such as the elevation of someone to a higher status. Theodora felt herself getting sick at the implication, but she remained still as the ladies wore the robe over her dress, her long hair was draped carefully over the red velvet. 

Now that she had worn the robe, they helped her into position in front of the doors. The same lady-in-waiting stood before her, her expression grave. 

“Milady, please listen to me carefully. I won’t repeat it to you again. There’s not enough time.” The urgency in her tone made her pay her full attention to the older lady. 

“You would walk from here towards the dais where His Majesty is; just follow the red carpet. You would walk with your head held high and your chin up. You would walk gracefully, not too slow, not too fast. You would only focus on walking towards the King; you need not to bother with the courtiers or the dress. You would stop a step away from the dais and fall on your knee. Until His Majesty tells you to rise, you would keep your head down. When he does, rise slowly and turn completely towards the courtiers. Afterwards, we would give you the signal for you to walk back to these doors. Do you remember everything I say, milady?” 

“I do.” Her tutors told her that she was a good student; she could easily understand her lessons by simply hearing or reading it once. She was glad that she was, or she wouldn’t remember anything when suddenly the doors were starting to open, filling the silent hallway with voices and music from the hall. 

“Head high, chin up, shoulders set,” the lady told her firmly, which instruction Theodora quickly obeyed unconsciously. Satisfied, she stepped back and instructed her ladies to take position behind their mistress and pull up the edge of the robe as it wouldn’t touch the ground. 

She could hear the master of ceremonies crying out her name and she knew wordlessly that it was her signal to start walking. She took a deep breath and started walking. As the lady-in-waiting had told her, a long, wide red carpet had been draped beneath on the floor, stretching from the doors she came from towards the dais where she could see her brother standing magnificently before his throne with a bejeweled gilded sword resting beneath his hands. 

Theodora walked with her head held high, her chin up, recalling the lessons she had with her strict etiquette tutor. She easily fell back into those lessons that she had never had the confidence to actually exercise in public, all too aware of her status. However, in this occasion, that was what was expected of her. She walked slowly and gracefully, a perfect imitation of the people with noble blood. She heard the whispers of the courtiers as she passed them by, but she paid them no heed. As instructed, she stopped a step away from the dais and bent down on one knee, keeping her head down. She could hear him stepping down from the dais, bringing the sword up. 

“By the power and authority granted to me by God as the ruler of Anatoria,” her brother voice boomed in the silence of the hall, “I raise thee, Lady Theodora Tore into Princess Theodora Tore.” Theodora felt the tip of the sword on each shoulder followed by a weight settling on her head, a coronet. Her brother knelt to her height, large hands gripping her arms painfully tight. “Now rise, Sister.” The manner of address was mocking instead of endearing. Theodora braved herself as she pulled herself to full height and slowly turned towards the courtiers filling the hall. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you our lovely daughter, Princess Theodora of Anatoria.” Deafening cheers greeted his words, almost making her flinch. 

“As the Princess of Anatoria, she is to serve our kingdom to her best ability. Her duty is going to be the greatest and most difficult of all duties since it would require much sacrifice for someone who truly loves their kingdom. She is to marry Prince Yapha of Skarde and to show the best Anatoria could offer.” 

Theodora felt her heart lurch, her breathing catch at the announcement. Dread and hopelessness started to bloom inside of her, slowly but surely smothering and killing her. 

“To my sister, Princess Theodora of Anatoria!” Scotty raised his sword high in the air. 

“To the Princess!” All of the courtiers in halls followed their King’s example, cheering and rising their glasses in toast for their newly-elevated princess, but Theodora was not aware of them. The cheers were merely background noise compared to the frantic beat of her heart and the stutter of her breath. She didn’t notice the looks of surprise on the faces of her sister and mother, of Lady Rara and young Hise. 

Somehow she had the mind to curtsey with all the grace she could muster when her legs felt like they were about to give way under her. Somehow she managed to put a smile on her face when all she wanted was to break down and cry. Somehow she realized how much a noble she was for being able to remain standing and smiling when she didn’t even to be. She was meant to be a princess, her father once said to her lovingly and proudly, and she had believed him, only because it had been him who said it. Now, she was a princess, but it was nothing like she imagined it to be when her father had told her. No pride, no elation, nothing. Nothing but crushing emptiness.

 Only when she was allowed to return to her new quarters as the princess of Anatoria and had locked the doors and asked her ladies and guards not to let anyone in, only then Theodora broke down and cried. All her hopes and dreams were completely dashed away in one sweeping gesture from her brother. Her hope and dream to at least live a peaceful life away from the court and to hold on to the memories of the people she came to cherish, and to hold on to the only person she had ever fallen for. Such a simple hope and dream and yet, she was not allowed to have them. Such was the fate of princesses, and she was one of them now, Theodora thought sadly. She would cry now, she would cry until there were no more tears left to cry. Then she would harden her heart until she would be left feeling nothing, feeling nothing that she would cry for.


	3. Chapter 3

The moment she managed to collect herself and felt that she was brave enough, Theodora asked for an audience with her brother. That was how she found herself standing before the doors of the King’s Privy Chamber. She came wearing one of the dresses she found in her quarters. While it should make her feel like a princess, it only served to make her feel less. She gave a nod to the King’s usher to announce her presence.

“Her Highness, Princess Theodora!”

The newly-instated princess stepped into the chamber, taking few steps before sinking to a deep curtsey that she had become accustomed to for so long, forgetting that it was no longer required of her now that she was a princess, just like her half-sister. 

“Rise.” Slowly Theodora raised herself from her curtsey, gathering herself so when she finally at her full height she could meet her brother’s gaze steadily. The cold grey eyes staring back at her almost made her lose her courage, but she refused to back down this time. 

“Well, I’m surprised to see you here. I heard that you’ve locked yourself in your new quarters.” 

“I did.” Theodora didn’t bother to defend herself, her brother, no, the King, had always thought of her as weak, whatever she said wouldn’t change it. “When am I to leave for Skarde?” 

Scotty raised an eyebrow, not expecting his half-sister to come into terms of his sudden order quickly. 

“You will be sent along with the ship with gifts for Skarde supposedly by the end of this week, depending on the direction of the wind.” 

“I see… But before I could fulfill your orders, I have matters I wish to be taken care of.” 

“…What matters are they?” 

“Your Majesty might remember the dancer whom you sent away to the Castle of Tore. She died giving birth to a daughter, which she claimed to be yours. I’d like you to acknowledge Alea and leave her under the care of Lady Rara.” 

“Your mother will deal with her!” Scotty’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I acknowledge no child as mine!” Theodora stepped back unconsciously at the brunt of his anger, but when she realized what she had done, she resumed her former position. 

“I don’t think it’s such a difficult request for you to grant, Your Majesty. You are currently unmarried and childless, until you are no longer both; Anatoria would have no princess, or prince.” Theodora added, thinking of Sibel, should her brother acknowledge him. He was undeniably his, the resemblance was uncanny. 

She had thought of this long and hard, wondering whether she should push this issue, knowing that her brother would not treat Alea, sweet little Alea, any better than he treated her, her half-sister. However, children would always crave for parents, for a mother and a father. Alea had no mother, and would be left without any mother figure when Theodora left. Asking Alea to be taken care of by Lady Rara was the right thing, and had better chance to be granted by Scotty. While asking Alea to be acknowledged would be the hardest request to grant, but that was the closest for Alea to have her father. And there was always a chance, however small it was, that Alea might be able to endear herself to her father and that Scotty would treat her better than he treated her aunt. 

The reasonable response caught him completely off guard, quickly draining him of his initial anger. He leaned back on his seat, clasping his hands in front of him, eyeing his half-sister critically. This was certainly a surprise, he thought, who would have known that Isabel’s daughter possessed such sound mind? 

“Is that all?” Scotty wanted to know what other demand she came with. 

“I would like to take Hise with me.” This request made him raise his eyebrow in surprise. 

“You are going to take that child to Skarde? He is not your son. He is not your brother. Why is he so important to you?” Scotty narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“I believe I have told you before. I am indebted to his parents for life. I brought him here and I believe I should take full responsibility of his well being.” There was something in her demeanor, in her insistence that made him think that those reasons she gave him was not all. For that reason alone, he couldn’t let her take that Ramiran child with her. 

“What you think won’t matter, Your Highness.” Scotty responded coldly, stressing her new status, “You should bear this in mind now that you’re no longer plain Lady Theodora Tore. You are Princess Theodora of Anatoria. People would think whenever they like, regardless of the truth. He is of no relation to you that warrants his place at your side. He is not even a soldier. Skarde will find this strange.” He stood up, having enough of this nonsense, delivering the final decision for this request. 

“I cannot allow you to take him with you.” 

“Your Majesty-” Theodora was prepared to push her brother, the look in her eyes told Scotty enough. Somehow suspecting that he might lose his ground if he were to let her continue, he quickly cut her off with a slam on the table. 

“I will let Rara raise Alea. But I cannot allow you to take Hise. That’s all I can grant you.”

Theodora pursed her lips in consternation, noting that from the three, only one request her brother had granted. Though realistically, she knew that was all she could ask from him. The King had been especially reasonable regarding Hise and she could not find fault in his reasoning unless she was to reveal the importance of Hise and that would be the last thing she would do. She quickly thought of other possibilities to protect her charge that would least likely for her brother to refuse. 

“Then, allow him to be a guardian of Alea.” That was the best Theodora could come up with, by tying Hise to Alea, who already had Rara’s protection, and the mistress’ protection was the best she could get against her brother. 

“Fine.” Scotty agreed grudgingly, this time, it was him who found no fault in her request.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Without needing to be told, Theodora sank into a curtsey and excused herself from his chambers. Scotty watched her leave while wondering whether he had made a grave mistake.

*

*

*

Only when she was a good distance away from the Privy Chamber and from the courtiers, Theodora dropped the confident façade she wore, revealing the sad and weary expression on her face underneath. She decided to take a longer and unfamiliar pathway, her ladies trailing after her obediently. She never had the chance to explore the palace before. She had never been summoned to the palace until now, though she once spent several days in the palace upon her return to Anatoria from Ramira, only due to Mistress Rara’s insistence. Those days were enough for her not to get lost easily in the vast palace with its mazelike hallways, though she had found early from her childhood that she was not one to get lost easily, having a good sense of direction. This was eventually proven as she found herself in the familiar hallways leading to the Ramiran mistress’ quarters. 

The guards at the door recognized her at once and were about to announce her presence to those in the chamber when Theodora shook her head, but then raised her hand to emphasize her request as though she just remembered, clearly unused with such gesture. 

“No need to announce my presence.” There was a moment of hesitation but the guards complied nonetheless, aware of her elevated rank, opening the doors to grant her entry. Theodora stepped quietly into the chamber, a skill she had perfected since she was young and the sight that greeted her filled her with warmth, replacing the cold and emptiness that she had not realized had taken place within her. 

The three dearest people to her heart were sitting before the fireplace; the dark-haired mistress was sitting on the carpet, reading a story from the book open in her lap to the entranced Hise and Alea who was sitting on Hise’s lap. The childish wonder on their eyes reminded her of all good things and that all hope was not lost. She knew that her choice to leave them in the care of Mistress Rara was the right one. Comforted by the thought, Theodora found herself letting down her guard since her audience with the King. It was Alea who noticed her first.

“The-o! Theo!” The child of one gurgled happily, her name and Hise’s were among her first words and she would proudly use them in their presence. At her name, Rara and Hise turned towards the door, their faces brightening when they saw it was her.

“Lady Theodora!” 

“Please, don’t let me interrupt,” Theodora slowly approached them, shaking her hands when they seemed to make a move to greet her. She reached out towards Alea and Hise lifted the child who was wiggling at the sight of her favorite aunt. Theodora gently picked Alea up, kissing her temple and inhaling her sweet scent as she settled herself on the carpeted floor.

“I’m telling Hise and Alea the story of Snow Princess.”

“Ah, the Snow Princess,” Theodora smiled knowingly, “I haven’t quite got around that story. Why don’t you continue, milady, you’ve always been a better storyteller than I.”

“No better than you, milady,” Rara and Theodora exchanged smiles at this. Theodora opened her other arm which was not occupied by little Alea towards her charge, who shyly moved closer and pressed himself to her side as Rara continued where she left off. With one child on her lap and the other pressed against her and Rara’s warm and soothing voice, Theodora could forget her sudden elevation into a princess, she could forget her impending marriage, she could forget and live in the moment among those whom she cherished and who cherished her in return.

Alea fell asleep before the story was over, but Rara finished the story for the rest of them, especially for Hise who had just heard the story for the first time. Theodora sent the children away with Anna to their bedchamber with the promise that she would join them in their quarters soon. Rara told their ladies to leave them alone, already aware what Theodora needed. The youngest princess of Tore seated herself on the sofa, letting out a weary breath. Rara pursed her lips, wanting nothing more to comfort her dear friend. She hated to see such look on the other’s face, and wished she could do something, anything to take away that look from her face.

“How are you?”

“…As good as expected,” Theodora gave Rara a slight smile, not quite answering the question but not wanting to worry the kind woman. Rara knew her well enough though, to read between the lines, a frown etched across her features.

“I am to set sail for Skarde by the end of this week.” A dismayed gasp escaped Rara’s lips.

“So soon?” Rara couldn’t believe how Scotty could treat her sister so.

He had made her a princess without her consent and sent her away to Skarde as a bride without prior knowledge. She had immediately questioned Princess Hazel after the party, she had no knowledge that the party would also be for Theodora and she seemed to be not the only one. Hazel only found out today of the King’s intention and she couldn’t do anything to change his mind. What had Theodora done to him that deserved this treatment? Rara was not surprised that Theodora chose to lock herself in her chambers, she was given no time to prepare for such drastic change. Now, she was to leave for Skarde in less than a week? Indignation flared within her, but she quelled them, knowing that it was the last thing Theodora needed.

“I went to the King today,” Theodora offered as an explanation, but Rara knew she was not done. “I asked for you to take care of Alea in my absence, and for Hise to be Alea’s guardian.”

“Oh, Theodora…” As much as she adored the two, Rara knew that Theodora adored them more; they were her children first and foremost. To be entrusted such precious charge spoke much what Theodora thought of her.

“I am sorry to leave you with such a burden. But you are the only I could trust.” Rara could only shake her head sadly, only Theodora would think to apologize about such thing and to worry about others when she should worry more about herself.

“Don’t worry about the children. You should worry about yourself right now.” Theodora tried to smile, but she wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out more like a grimace.

“I will live if I am meant to live.” Rara felt her heart break at those words. Never once in her presence Theodora showed anything less than a genuine smile and kind words, it was the first time Rara saw such hopelessness and resignation in her demeanor and she was at loss what to do. Theodora had always been so strong and steadfast throughout their short companionship, always ready with the right words and gesture whenever she needed comfort and reassurance. She was close to Hazel and enjoyed her friendship, but Hazel was not and would never be Theodora.

Theodora couldn’t help the bitter words that escaped her lips. She was not as knowledgeable as her royal siblings about the other countries, but she knew enough of the place she was sent to, or at least its reputation of lies and deceit, of its cruel and bloody politics. There was a chance that she might not survive in that place. The thought brought tears to her eyes, just like the first time the thought came up to her.

“I am sorry… I don’t mean to show you my tears.” Theodora bowed her head, but made no move to shed her tears. She was so tired of pretending that she was fine, that it was going to be fine when she knew it was anything _but_ fine. She would not see the children grow up. She would not have these moments with Rara anymore.

 _I will miss you_ , Theodora wanted to say.

“I consider you as my sister.” Rara was more her sister than Hazel could ever be. She understood her the way no one else could.

 _I will miss your gentle eyes_ , Rara couldn’t help the tears that ran down her cheeks as she thought of those defining eyes. She always remembered those gentle clear blue eyes from the very first time she met her. She was the source of warmth and comfort among the wintry coldness that seeped into the walls of the castle and its people.

“Me, too.”

 _I will probably think of you from time to time in my heart…_ _My sister…_

No words were fitting for this moment; no words were enough to make everything easier to bear. Thus they spent the moment in silence, hands clasped within each other.

*

*

*

“I ‘d like to give my greetings for the last time before I am to return to my place and get ready, Your Highness.” Theodora, having been in the intimidating presence of the King, felt much more at ease as she curtsied before her half-sister in her presence chamber, the children alongside her as they paid their respects to the princess of Anatoria with her. The sharp Tore princess didn’t fail to notice it as she sat behind the elegant mahogany desk. After a moment of uneasy silence, Hazel stood up from her seat and moved around the desk to close the distance between them.

“I want to talk to you in private.” At this, Hazel gestured for her and Theodora’s ladies to take away the children to the outside to Theodora’s surprise and confusion.

“Rise. It’s unbecoming of a princess to remain curtsied in the presence of fellow royal.” Despite the harsh words, the tone of the reprimand was rather gentle that Theodora didn’t feel much foolish as she rose to her feet. Though it was rather short-lived as the elder Tore started to walk around her, calmly assessing her from head to toe.

“You went to the King.”

“I did,” Theodora recognized the question as a statement.

“That was rather foolish.”                                          

“It was.” She gained an arched eyebrow from Hazel at the acknowledgement.

“Yet you did it anyway.”

“I would be sent away anyway.” That made Hazel stop in her assessment, now there was clear surprise on her face, though to others she appeared as calm and composed as ever. “I simply do not wish to leave matters unattended.”

“The children,” Hazel finished her course around Theodora, stopping before the younger woman. Theodora didn’t deign an answer, merely tipping her head and lowering her gaze. Hazel looked at the youngest Tore shrewdly. She was about to speak, but seemed to change her mind at the last moment.

“I want to be in charge of your wedding… as your sister.” Theodora’s clear eyes widened in unadulterated surprise, clearly not expecting any acknowledgment of the blood they shared. Hazel had surprised herself with her own attempt to connect with her half-sister that she had never bothered before.

 _I’ve always disliked you_ , it was the words Hazel wanted to say to Theodora, and yet the words didn’t come.

“So leave the preparation to me.”

 _I could not love you_ , were her thoughts as she saw Theodora’s face crumpled at the unexpected offer, leaving her open and vulnerable.

“Quickly finish all the matters you have in the castle and return to me as soon as possible.”

 _For some reason, my father was always cold to me. Sometimes, I even felt as if he was glaring at me. But he was really warm to you_ …

Hazel was jealous of Theodora, she had always been, but only now she could acknowledge the feeling and at the same, she also felt something else towards Theodora. It might be pity, it might be compassion. She might not be able to love Theodora as a sister should, but she couldn’t hate her either, not when she would suffer a fate worse than death and she accepted it with such grace that was true of her title.

Theodora was a princess. She was a Tore. She was a princess of Anatoria, regardless of her lineage, and it was her duty as a fellow princess to prepare her the best she could do.

*

*

* 

Later in the Tore Castle found mother and daughter together, Theodora was sitting down on the chair near the fireplace while her mother was pacing furiously in front of her.

“That Scotty finally did it! I cannot let you go to Skarde! Do you know what kind of place it is for foreigners?” Isabel cried out loud.

“Mother, calm down…” Suddenly Isabel dropped down on her knees, looking at her daughter with such wild look that took Theodora off guard. 

“Let’s run away. If money is an issue, I have a lot, enough to spend the rest of our life.”

“Money?” Theodora thought her mother was out of her mind, though she was too polite to point it out loud.

“We can settle down anywhere without a problem. If you buy a little time, I will rent a ship. No, I will buy an entire ship.” Isabel’s tone was getting erratic.

“How do you come in a possession of so much money? If you have such a lot of money, why do you go back to Anatoria?” Theodora pried gently.

“Because the money is here, in Anatoria.”

“Here? Such as, in this castle?” Theodora blinked in surprise.

“You don’t need to know the details. Anyway, I have no intention of rotting here and let you be sent to Skarde.”

“If you get caught again, he will certainly kill you.” Theodora couldn’t help but worried for her mother, especially in her current state. There was no telling what crazy thing her mother might attempt with so much money at her disposal. Theodora also doubted the King would allow Isabel to thwart his attempt on Skarde through Theodora and that she would spare her mother should Isabel was caught.

“I’d rather die than miss my chance to spend all that money.” Isabel stood up resolutely, before once again tried to plead with her daughter.

“Theodora, royal wives of Skarde are not even allowed to set their feet outside once they enter their castle and that is until you die. You and I both have life to enjoy. You shouldn’t lead such a life.” Such life was appealing to Theodora, but the freedom they gained would be fleeting. They would live their life in the shadows, in fear of the King should they find them, which was the fate that Ramirans, forced to flee their homeland. It was no better life than the one chosen for her. She lowered her eyes in resignation, not wanting to see the disappointment in her mother’s face.

“Mother… I’m sorry…”

*

*

*

“My lady! You can’t-” The lady-in-waiting who had been the one charged with Theodora for the ceremony protested avidly against the older princess of Anatoria.

“If her mother was a decent person, she’d have chosen proper ladies-in-waiting. But as you know, that won’t happen. We also know that it’s very harsh in Skarde’s royal family. I cannot think of anyone else but you.” Hazel calmly explained her reasoning to the oldest and most experienced lady-in-waiting that had served her and her mother and Lady Greten, her father’s mistress before Isabel.

“But milady, your order for me to serve Isabel’s daughter… You do know how Mistress Greten passed away; you can’t leave her daughter to me. I would rather you have me executed.” The elder lady seemed to bear great dislike towards Isabel who usurped Greten’s rightful place at Ruthen Tore’s side. Hazel couldn’t blame her, she didn’t have any memories of her mother, Lady Greten was the closest mother figure she had. While Hazel knew that Greten’s foolish action to commit suicide along with her father was of her own, the only daughter of Ruthen Tore couldn’t help to partly lay the blame on Isabel.

“I beg of you, Posya...” Hazel resorted to pleading, knowing that the old woman wouldn’t dare to refuse her as she was never one to plead to anyone or for anyone’s behalf. From Posya’s expression it was evident she realized this, her face lined with bitterness at her mistress’ request.

*

*

*

“Milady…” Quiet voice made Theodora turn around towards the direction of the doors and saw the small figure of her charge. The boy stood meekly, ready to leave the room if his presence was unwanted. She felt a pang of guilt at this. She had been busy with the matters of her leaving that she didn’t spend as much time as before with her charges. No, to be more precise, she had been busy feeling sorry for herself, surrounding herself with the remains of the past where she had been happy, as fleeting as it was. She knew she would not have the same luxury once she was back in the palace, but so was the luxury of having the presence of the two most precious people in her life, the source of her happiness in seclusion in the castle. She should not have forgotten.

“Hise,” Theodora smiled warmly as she opened her arms, which only took a beat of hesitation before Hise stepped into her embrace, her ladies already made themselves scarce the moment they saw the boy.

“…Can you not go?” His voice was barely a whisper and muffled due to their closeness, but Theodora could hear them nonetheless. Theodora let out a sigh, heavy weight settled on her chest as the words escaped her charge. It was another reason why she avoided Hise, it was hard enough to hear her mother’s pleas, it was even harder for her to hear from the boy she took under her wing. Her arms tightened around him instinctively, as though she could protect him from the harsh reality of the world.

Any answer felt inadequate for this brilliant child, who had been through much in his short life. He might be a child, but he was no child. Theodora brought him to the bed and seated them both at the edge of the bed. The Ramiran didn’t let go as they changed position, burying his face in her shoulder and remained silent. He felt so much a child that he was that her heart ached. The boy had tried to appear strong in the beginning, pretending that it didn’t pain or scare him to lose his family and to leave his beloved kingdom. It had taken her time to get through him, that it was alright to seek comfort and surrender to a moment of weakness and that she would not think any less of him for that. She had been his anchor, his steadying presence in the foreign land, and now she could no longer be, ripped away from him just like his family and kingdom had been by the same man.

“I can’t, Hise,” Theodora spoke softly, her hand absently stroking the thick dark hair. “The consequences are too great.” _I couldn’t test the King’s patience_ were the meaning behind her words; she knew the child could read between the lines, young as he was.

“I have asked the King for me to bring you with me-” she was cut off as Hise suddenly pulled away, his dark eyes looked up to her hopefully, but loathe as she might, she had to dash away his hopes. “-but he didn’t allow me to.” Hise’s face fell in disappointment.

“Because I am of Ramira, aren’t I?” Frown marred his youthful features, lips pressed into thin line.

“I did request for you to become Alea’s guardian, and for Alea to be taken care by Mistress Rara, she has kindly agreed to it and would take both of you under her protection.” Theodora chose not to respond to his question and instead told him of the new arrangement for him and Alea. She gently cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at her in the eyes.

“You will still have to live lowly for a while. But I want you to not forget the fact that you are the son the noble house of Vaida and that you are from Ramira. I want you to not forget Vaida’s pride and dignity. As Alea’s guard, you will be taught a little bit of swordsmanship, but I want you to study what you need in discretion while pretending you are nothing but simple servant. You must not let anyone be suspicious of your true identity. Do you… understand me?”

Her voice broke at the end, heart already breaking for having to leave the children on their own. Leaving them with Mistress Rara was the best choice, but at the same time, it also placed them in the middle of the court and its politics. In the castle, they were as far and as safe as possible from such things, and Hise didn’t need to be on his guard all the time, but this would change the moment they moved to their assigned quarters in the palace.

“I wanted to be with you… until you grow up and until the day you’d protect me come. I wanted to be a shelter for you… until you are able to stand alone and until you leave for the sake of your kingdom.” A tear fell down her cheeks, another fell, and another. Hise was no better, his face scrunched up, trying hard not to cry.

“That day, when I was found by Sibel. I couldn’t say anything and fainted.  I couldn’t protect myself, but you did. You hid my identity. You hid me from Bardere. You didn’t leave me on my own in Ramira and brought me here. You saved me… You raised me and loved me like my mother did… You _are_ my mother.” Hise’s voice trembled at the confession. Theodora might not try to replace his mother who had given birth to him and raised him in the early seven years of his life, but she had been there when his mother had not, when his father and brothers had not. She had been his family, along with Alea. They were the ones that made living in Anatoria bearable.

“Hise…” Hise went to embrace his mother figure once again, tears immediately soaking her shoulder, hands clutching the soft fabric as though not letting go. The tears were falling down faster now, to her shame but they kept falling down as she shed them away.

 _I truly loved you… You were the first and the only one who would protect me_ , Theodora couldn’t forget the childish declaration that he would protect her and the sincerity of the seven-year-old would leave its lasting impression on her.

 _How could I not love you? I am sorry that I am not able to protect you anymore. It hurts so much to leave you here. It hurts so much that I could hardly breathe_.

 _I shall not forget_ , Hise promised to himself. _I do have so many things that I must not forget. You are not my mother, but are my mother. One day- When I draw my sword against Anatoria, please don’t forget that I still love you._

Theodora kissed Hise’s temple -her boy, her son, he would be her first, regardless of any children she might have, trying to comfort and reassure him to the best of her ability, silently wishing it would be enough for the rest of his life.

*

*

*

Theodora walked through the hallways aimlessly with the aid of the moonlight shining through the tall windows of the castle. Before she knew it, she had arrived at the doors of her mother’s assigned rooms. It was quiet; she wondered whether her mother had gone to sleep already. She touched the doors and was surprised to find them unlocked and easily swing open. The first sight that greeted her was the sight of her mother slumped on the table with bottles littering the table. Of all her faults, her mother was not a heavy drinker, and to see the amount empty bottles she could see from the doors, it was more than she could usually take.

“Mother…?” Theodora called out hesitantly, slowly approaching her mother.

“Theodora? Why are you here, _Your Highness_?” The strong scent of alcohol assaulted her senses, making her wrinkled her nose in distaste.

“You _are_ drunk.” She didn’t want to deal with this. She had had enough of everything. She felt like losing pieces of herself every time she said her farewells. She didn’t know if there were any remains and whether she could lose any more. She wished that her mother could make it easier for her, but it seemed too much of a hope, seeing the state Isabel was in.

“So what?” Isabel slurred.

“I will take you to bed.” Theodora told her firmly.

“There’s no need to!” Isabel slapped away her daughter’s hands none too gently.

“I will be leaving tomorrow. I thought I’d spend the last night with you.”

“Let me drink. I cannot live in this world without alcohol.”

“Then give me a goblet.” Theodora seated herself, this would not be the last time she would do things she wouldn’t usually do. She no longer bothered to take care of her words.

“You? You are going to drink with lowly, indecent and uneducated me?”

“No matter what others say, I _am_ your daughter.”

At this answer, Isabel was silenced. Ruthen Tore’s mistress leaned back on her seat, without removing her gaze from her daughter. For once her gaze was unreadable, and admittedly, it slightly unnerved Theodora, wondering what her mother saw in her.

“Yes. You are my daughter. I gave birth to you. But you are more like Olivia than me. Well I guess I am the one to blame. I desperately prayed that you’d grow up like her.”

“What are you talking about?” Theodora wondered where all of this came from. She was aware of the effects of alcohol to a person, but never actually saw its effects in person. She knew the Olivia her mother mentioned was Olivia Tore, previously Olivia Monica, the noble mother of her royal siblings.

“Have you ever wondered how I was able to keep your father? Ha, that cruel and arrogant man. No one see it coming.” Isabel gave a shrill, triumphant laugh at this.

“I have known Olivia ever since I was young and I was always depressed by the fact that her dresses were locked in the dungeon.” Her mother’s voice slowly grew into a slow and nostalgic tone. “The doors to the dungeon were always locked and no one was allowed entry. Somehow I grew a habit of hanging around the dungeon often. It was a full moon night, the doors were open. I looked around and no one else seemed to be there. So I dare to enter…

“Dresses, so many dresses… And I began to try out the dresses which I have wanted for so long. As if they were tailored for me, the dresses fit me perfectly. And then… I was so surprised that I almost had a heart attack. And then I was scared to death… because there he was, your father, the untouchable Ruthen Tore, looking at me, reaching out to me, calling me Olivia…

“Your father was so drunk that he was completely out of it. I was Olivia for him for that night only and became his woman. There were many maids who tried to get into his bed for their own advancement, but he never allowed any woman approach him. That was the only way that it could happen.

“And afterwards, he ignored me completely as though as I never existed, but he changed after he found out that I conceived you. I instantly hoped that you’d be like Olivia. I prayed every single day. It was only that night he cried out her name. But I knew… I knew there was only one woman in his mind.

“When you were born, I was finally able to breathe freely. Although your appearance didn’t resemble Olivia’s, your father did really love you, seeing how you had dignity of a noble lady. He treated you as if you were his only child. He also loved me, but it was different… I knew you were my daughter, but I felt, you weren’t. And that made me feel like everyone was looking at you instead of me. I… even hated you… But what does that matter now…. We will most likely not see each other ever again. Tonight, might be very well our last night. You are a princess and you will be leaving to be a wife of a prince… and I will rot in the shadows, my existence forgotten.”

Her mother’s words rang in her ears even after she departed for the palace. She could barely hold back the tears, thinking of the fate that would befall Isabel after her leaving. The only reason she didn’t was the presence of the children who came along with her as they would start to move in to the palace to be Lady Rara’s charges.

*

*

*

“Wow, you are truly beautiful, milady…” Anna, having been the closest to her mistress, expressed her admiration openly at the sight of Theodora in royal costume. Theodora was wearing the finest gown she had ever worn, with fur linings and exquisite collars, rich dark velvet and precious gems. She was every inch a princess, or at least, she was everything an Anatorian princess should look like.

“Indeed, you are.” The agreement coming from her half-sister was as surprising as the gentle look on Princess Hazel given her way. It was as though Hazel started to see her as her sister, instead of the child of her father’s mistress. Funny, Theodora thought, as she rode in the carriage which would take her to the port where the ship taking her to Skarde was docked, that it took her sudden rise in rank and status along sudden decision to send her off to make Hazel regard her as more.

 _Farewell_ …

Theodora counted each step she took as she boarded the ship, each step that took her away from her homeland, each step which was a farewell to everything she held dear, though she gave away nothing in her expression. She held her head high, her back ramrod straight, her steps graceful as expected of her. She would give no reason for his brother the King to be ashamed of her and for the King of Skarde to give any complaint once she was received in their court.

“You don’t have to return immediately.” Scotty had taken aside his general, whom he sent along to Skarde as Theodora’s chief guard.

“I understand.” Baran replied dutifully, knowing exactly what was asked of him aside of protecting the youngest Tore. Theodora saw the exchange at her peripherals as she stood at the starboard, but saw the other way, pretending she saw nothing and instead found her gaze falling on the smiling face of Lady Rara. Others might only see the smile as it was, but Theodora knew better, knew the pain and sadness hidden beneath the smile, and the tears held at bay, because she wore the same smile on her face.

_We promised each other that we will smile and keep smiling… But I think it was a useless promise. Longing will turn into tears._

Her clear blue eyes fell upon the King’s entourage, and remained a beat longer on those who mattered. Princess Hazel, her sister, whose gaze was soft, despite the unsmiling face she came to be accustomed to. Hise and Alea, which only by Rara’s insistence that they were allowed to be present in her sending off, Hise kept his face neutral, but the slightest downward quirk at the ends of his mouth betrayed his feelings, while Sibel stood by him, trying to comfort his only friend in the only way he could. The sight made her lips curl into a smile, relieved that Hise would have someone with him to get through this and hoped that the friendship would last regardless of the future where they might have to stand against one another in the battlefield. And Alea, her sweet Alea, merely looked blankly, uncomprehendingly at the ship and Theodora thought it might be better for the child to remember nothing, as painful as it was for herself. Alea couldn’t miss someone she couldn’t remember.

“Depart!”

Her smile faltered at the announcement made by her new chief guard, threatening to break the façade. She wanted to run, she wanted to jump, jump the way she had once jumped from the ship with Sei and swam to the shores of Ramira, but she couldn’t. She was on her own, she had no Sei, Sei of whom she never heard the news of his survival, whom she never knew of his life and death, along with others she met and befriended during her stay in Ramira.

_Farewell, Anatoria… The land where I was born, but the land where my body won’t be buried in. Then I shall bury my mind in the cold, barren land. I hope that, even if I cannot return. At least the land would remember me…_

A tear managed to slip from the corner of her eye as she felt that her heart was being left behind, leaving a void within her. She closed her eyes, and let out a shaky breath. She turned on her feet and walked towards the direction of her cabin, trying not to think of what awaited her in Skarde.


	4. Chapter 4

The journey from Anatoria to Skarde took three days with the current weather though she overheard the hands on deck that it was possible to go faster, but speed was not needed this time.  She spent most of the time walking around the decks, watching the sailors carried on their duties, feeling the sea wind and at times the spray of sea water on her face silently, and when she craved human interaction, conversing with the men. She knew that some of the ladies did not approve of her activities, especially her newly appointed chief lady-in-waiting which replaced Anna, Posya was her name. The name was unfamiliar, but the face was not. She had seen her before the ceremony, back when her father was still alive, back in the Tore Castle. Their interactions were rare and brief, but she remembered the disdainful look thrown towards her mother and her, but she wasn’t the only one, so Theodora never let herself linger. 

She had wondered what was lacking in her ladies when Hazel told her that not all of her ladies would go with her to Skarde and that some of her own ladies would join Theodora’s retinue. She would very much prefer that Anna remained her chief lady-in-waiting since she had been with her the longest, but supposedly that wasn’t what a princess needed or the future Skardean princess needed, so she held her tongue, bowing to her sister’s wisdom. 

But at night, in the safety of her cabin, Theodora tried to catch up with her reading regarding the Skardean royal family and history. She had found her knowledge regarding of Skarde wanting the moment she accepted her fate, but she hadn’t had the time to brush up with the preparation for her departure so she had took as many books and scrolls regarding Skarde and read them, often late to the night, until her ladies went to sleep before her. Thus it was how Posya found her, awake and reading a scroll which showed the royal family tree before their arrival in Skarde. 

“You should sleep now. We will be at Skarde by tomorrow morning.” 

“I tried to remember all the names in the royal family, but I am afraid that I might mistake the names… There are so many that it’s overwhelming.”

Theodora dared to confide to her new chief lady-in-waiting. The names were swirling in her head, and despite the same language they spoke, the names were foreign to her tongue. She had memorized the royal family tree of Anatoria, but she found that it was nothing compared to Skardean royal family tree. For one, they had more noble families than in Anatoria and they had longer history than Anatoria, they also had less restraints when it came to taking wives and mistresses, which resulted in large and long line of nobility.

There was a cough from the direction of her lady-in-waiting, interrupting her musing. Theodora instinctively turned towards Posya.

“From now on, you will not speak to me in formal tone.” Theodora blinked at the scolding, which was a first coming from her ladies. She found no fault in being formal with others, even with her ladies, so the remark came rather as a surprise. 

“But-” 

“You are the princess of Anatoria and soon will be a princess of Skarde. You must carry and show dignity which befits your station. That’s the only way to survive the harsh environment that is the court of Skarde. My life is bound to yours right now. That was my order. Your sake will equal to my sake. So please don’t do anything to harm yourself.” 

The older lady didn’t try to conceal her dislike and try to comfort her with empty words and platitudes, which was a contrast with most of her ladies. Instead of being offended, Theodora found herself amused by Posya’s bluntness. 

“Okay, Posya,” Theodora responded with the same formal tone. 

“I told you not to speak to me formally.”

“I will do so, when we are in Skarde,” Theodora couldn’t hide her smile at the frown on the lined face, though she knew she had to put more effort once in Skarde. She had spent her life speaking in formal tones to others, more than aware of her own status as a bastard. It would be difficult to undo that habit and a fortnight change in status and rank would not be enough.

*

*

*

Meanwhile at the Skardean port, a long-haired man could be standing at the head of procession which would receive the ship from Anatoria and its precious cargo. He was young and handsome; his brow was adorned with bronze crown and his Skardean clothing which consisted of long-sleeved, ankle-length garment and colored robe worn over it signified his status and rank as the prince of the land.

“Your Highness, the ship has arrived.” One of the men bowed before him to give the report of the Anatorian ship’s status. The blonde-haired man simply nodded in acknowledgment and walked towards the direction of the ship, the others followed his example behind him.

At the same time, Theodora had appeared on the plank where the ship and the port was connected, already wearing her best clothes and laid her eyes upon the people waiting below. She breathed deeply to gather herself and started her descent towards the direction of the Skardeans which were chosen to welcome her. The moment she stepped her foot on the soil of Skarde, the young man at the head stepped forward and bowed to her respectfully. 

“Welcome to Skarde. I am the Sixth Prince of Skarde, Shilla.” 

In return, Theodora curtsied to her fellow royal, the first Skardean royalty she met. Mindfully she kept her silence and her gaze down as she took the prince’s proffered hand as he led her and her entourage to the carriage which was unlike the carriage back in Anatoria, instead of being pulled by horses; it was being brought up with people--slaves, her mind helpfully supplied. Her lips pursed in disapproval at the sight of them, but she said nothing and stepped into the carriage. 

 _Such a distant land from my homeland…_ Her thoughts wandered as her eyes watched her surroundings through the sheer drapes over the carriage, passing through the Capital and everything it had to offer.

_I have never thought I would set my feet upon this land… My mind is never there for this land._

The Skardeans dutifully moved back to make way for the procession and went down on their knees, abandoning their previous activities. The sight would have flattered other royals, but it only made Theodora uncomfortable. She was the intended bride for their crown prince, their future king, which would make her in turn, their future queen. She would have scoffed at the thought of her being queen, and wondered what would be their reaction if they knew that she was a bastard and was no princess.

_I wonder… How big is my wheel of fate… It must be big enough for me not to be able to see where it is going… Where must I take off…_

Theodora’s eyes took note of everything, of the rich colors, of the tanned skin, of the dry, humid lands, of the whispers.

“Is that the Anatorian princess?” 

“Look, it’s the new bride for Prince Yapha.” 

“She looks so dull and dreary with her pale coloring and dark dress.”

“Lady Haisha is much more beautiful.” 

“It’s the first royal marriage between two kingdoms in the last two decades.”

“I think she’s pretty.” 

The last comment made Theodora looked towards its speaker, which was a child of five. She had her dark hair in pigtails, brown eyes wide and innocent. Theodora found herself smiling warmly towards the child, which was received with surprise.

“Mother, the princess smiled at me!” 

“Hush, that’s not possible my dear,” her mother chided. Looking at the stern visage, she was a bit worried that she might put the child in trouble. Without thinking, she opened the drapes, giving the commons a better view of her. They gasped in surprise, and Theodora, unprepared for such reaction, could only do what she could think of: she gave her best smile, the smile that reached her eyes and lightened them into the color of the sky. While her mother and the other adults were appeared to be at loss of words, the young girl returned her smile with a wide, gap-toothed grin that sent Theodora chuckling.

Then abruptly the drapes were pulled shut, by none other than Posya. The chuckle immediately died on throat, the expression on the lady-in-waiting was nothing short of thunderous.

“Your Highness,” she said lowly, almost spitting her title, “You must not open the drapes for your own safety.” Theodora bit back a protest, knowing the argument would be heard by others outside easily should she pursue her lady’s reasoning.

“Very well, Posya, I shan’t open the drapes,” Theodora relented, unconsciously used the formal tone Posya despised, but again, the lady knew better than to chide her mistress in public. Thus Theodora resumed her previous position, letting her eyes and thoughts once again wander, unaware of the reaction she garnered and the impression she left on the common people by the brief unveiling of her face and show of her smile. She had no time to dwell for such things, as at once the sight of the walls of the magnificent palace came into view.

Her future prison… she couldn’t help the thought flitting her mind. That she was, sent from one prison to another, such was the fate of princesses.

*

*

*

Somewhere in the palace, a lady with blonde hair raised an eyebrow in response to something her lady-in-waiting said, “Shilla went? They pick on him everytime…”

“Actually the prince volunteered,” the lady-in-waiting corrected her mistress.

“Among many tasks, he had to pick that one,” the high-ranked lady scoffed, considering that such task was beneath the prince.

“You should get ready as well, milady.”

“Prince Yapha is about to be married three times, _three times_ and my only son has yet to marry,” the lady, who appeared to be Shilla’s mother, Lady Tabitha complained out loud, “And every time he was married, the King demanded for the wives and princes and princesses to be present.”

“He _is_ the Crown Prince, milady,” the lady-in-waiting, obviously used to her mistress antics, calmly responded as she helped Tabitha dressed. The fourth wife gave an unladylike snort at this.

“For how long? Since Haisha’s death, Yapha’s been losing his touch. The third wife and the Rans have noticed, they are putting their support behind Mose.”

“Hush, milady,” Tabitha’s lady looked warily around them as she scolded her mistress and her loose tongue.

“It’s not exactly a secret, really. Why bother?” Tabitha waved her hand carelessly while giving her other hand to be adorned with bracelets. “I must say it’s a sly move of the old codger to get an Anatorian princess for Yapha’s bride after Haisha. I wonder what the Queen thinks of the match. Did you hear anything from her ladies?”

“She has said nothing against the match.”

“It seems she’s waiting to judge the princess in person,” Tabitha hummed, turning around to have better view of her dress on the mirror, “I suppose the princess is in the Queen’s quarters to get prepared for the wedding?”

“She is. She also has quite an entourage with her. Her chief guard is one of the King’s own generals.”

“Is that so?” Her eyebrows shot up, then she cursed under her breath in the native tongue. “Mamere is playing dangerous game, letting Anatoria in the kingdom.”

“What would you do, milady?” Her lady asked in behalf of the other ladies, as they would follow her lead in this matter.

“We’ll simply observe,” Tabitha answered after a thoughtful silence, “though I cannot say the same of Shilla. He still spends his time with Yapha, didn’t you say?”

“He is among his constant companions.” Tabitha clucked her tongue in disapproval, but couldn’t bring herself to scold her only son. His son was much more stubborn than he appeared to be, which he unfortunately inherited from his mother.

“Just keep an eye on things and warn me if Shilla’s closeness with Yapha will be proven a problem.”

“Aye, milady.”

*

*

* 

Theodora and her ladies had settled in their assigned quarters in the palace, which was at the western part of the Skardean palace that was intended for the crown prince and his family, close to the northern part where the King and Queen and the main court resided. The quarters were spacious and well-furnished, the Queen herself made the arrangements. She had given her greetings to the reigning monarchs once she was in the palace. The King made her uncomfortable with his appraising look given her way, while the Queen was much pleasanter than she expected, making an effort to welcome her into the royal family. She was more than relieved to be released from their and other Skardeans’ presence and easily fell asleep in her new, foreign bedchamber only to be awakened by her ladies and the Queen’s own to get ready for the wedding.

Scrubbed and washed, Theodora was introduced to her first Skardean gown which was her wedding dress. The fabric was thin, thinner than the thick, heavy fabric of Anatorian dresses and was more similar to Ramiran fabric though the colors were much brighter and richer and the motifs were more elaborate than Ramiran, in which it was more similar to Anatorian with its precious stones and pearls and lace and velvet. While Anatorian dresses puffed out at the upper sleeves, Skardean dresses puffed out at the elbows and flared at the wrists. The headdress was a bit similar, and was not a necessary addition to the garb but in formal occasions, such as weddings.

“You look perfect in it. You will not wear Anatorian dresses anymore. So my advice would be to put them away.” Darya, Queen Asitasivi’s chief lady-in-waiting herself helped her and her ladies with the preparation.

“Thank you for teaching us how to dress properly,” Posya and her ladies-in-waiting curtsied in respect towards the older lady-in-waiting. They were already dressed in Skardean traditional dress for ladies-in-waiting and given quick instructions regarding Skardean clothing.

“The Queen handpicked the dress herself,” Darya genially told the princess, indirectly showing her mistress’ approval of the latest match for the crown prince.

“Please give my thanks to the Queen for her thoughtfulness,” Theodora told the lady-in-waiting.

“I shall gladly do so, Your Highness.”

“It is time,” Posya announced after having checked of the readiness of the princess’ entourage. Theodora simply nodded in acknowledgement; her headdress didn’t allow much for movement. She went towards the great hall where marriage would take place, the procession trailing after her. At the entrance, she could see another entourage was already there with a dark-haired man standing at the head. He was dressed in a much elaborate garment and robe than the one she had seen in Prince Shilla and other male courtiers and she knew that this was her intended groom. She must admit that Prince Yapha was handsome, and dare she say, attractive, with his wild mane of hair and midnight eyes. Whereas Shilla was charming with his youth and putting her at ease, Yapha was charismatic with his wealth of knowledge and experience and had a presence that made her discomfited. She curtsied the moment she was within his presence, careful to avoid meeting his gaze and saw him returning the gesture. Wordlessly they took their place side by side at the entrance as Posya had coached her as the ladies helped her dressed.

“His Highness Yapha of Skarde and Her Highness Theodora of Anatoria!” the usher announced loudly to those who were present in the great hall. The bride and groom walked forward in step with each other towards the dais where the King and Queen were. The ceremony itself was simple, it was more an acknowledgment of their union than a procession of their union because in Skarde, so long the union was within the presence of witnesses and the agreement drawn on paper, they were officially man and wife. They needed not a man of religion to officiate the wedding ceremony and to announce their union.

“Oh my, the Anatorian princess looks pure and innocent. I feel bad for her.”

“King Scotty must have something planned if he uses his sister like this.”

“She has such an innocent face. How is she going to deal with the wicked women of the court?”

“Anyway, her presence is going to create some rough waves. I bet the third wife would feel uneasy about this. She appears confident that her son, Prince Mose is going to inherit the throne.”

“But the fifth wife seems entertained. She doesn’t like Prince Shilla much.”

Theodora listened to the whispers quietly without giving away anything as she gave her obeisance accordingly from the King and Queen to the King’s wives with the prince as protocol demanded of them.

“People of Skarde, I present you Prince Yapha and Princess Theodora Argo of Skarde!” As the announcement was made, the attending courtiers gave their respect towards the Crown Prince and his new wife, the sight was eerily reminiscent of her own ceremony, only the place and the people that were different. The newly married royal couple led the courtiers towards the dining hall where the celebration of their union took place. She took her seat next to Prince Yapha at the front along with the King and Queen. Prince Yapha wordlessly raised his hand to signal for the celebration to commence.

Throughout the night Theodora and her husband didn’t exchange any word or glance, they simply sat side by side, giving attention to their food and drink and to the courtiers who came up to pay their respects, but not to each other. This lack of interaction didn’t escape the notice of the ever observant courtiers, but they couldn’t exactly fault their crown prince’s chilly reception of his new bride, foreigners were never quite welcomed in their kingdom, let alone in such high station, though this spoke of the prince himself, which set off another round of speculations whether Prince Yapha would end up making use of his newfound relationship with Anatoria through the princess. Few could be seen not partaking in these speculations, among them was an extravagantly dressed dark-haired lady with painted lips and the familiar figure of the fair haired sixth prince, whose eyes were upon the newlyweds, yet they lingered on the quiet bride longer.

Theodora kept mostly to herself even until the celebration started winding down, smiling graciously and nodding politely, only speaking when spoken to while noting the differences between court of Skarde and Anatoria as her eyes swept over the hall. It took all of her not to appear surprised when suddenly the prince announced that they excused themselves from the celebration and instead made herself appear as though she expected it and gracefully followed Prince Yapha’s example, once again assuming her position by his side as the courtiers parted way for them.

Once they stepped out from the hall, Theodora was faintly aware that aside from her ladies and his grooms, they were also followed by guards and she thought she recognized General Baran at her periphery, but she said nothing and kept her gaze lowered. Theodora tried not to think of what awaited her once they reached her quarters, focusing instead on every step and before she knew it, they had reached their destination. Her heart felt like jumping to her throat at the sight of the doorway.

“Leave us be.” It was the first words Theodora heard her new husband utter without the presence of other courtiers, and it brought her little comfort as she was now on her own with a complete stranger in a foreign chamber. They were still in the outer chamber, instead in the inner chamber where the bed was, she didn’t quite know what to make of it, so she remained standing in place, waiting for him.

When it was certain there were only two of them, Yapha stepped closer towards her until she could see the tips of his shoes before her. Suddenly her sight became clearer, and she realized it was because her veil had been lifted over her head.

“Theodora, isn’t it?” The voice was gruff, indifferent, and Theodora couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment rolling in her stomach. She chided herself, it was a political marriage, she should have known better.

“Yes.” Her voice came out meek, hesitant. She didn’t dare to raise her head and meet his eyes. However, she felt his eyes boring into her, scrutinizing her. She wondered what the prince saw when he laid his eyes on her.

“I don’t know why your brother sent you here, but I have no intention to find out.”

Surprised, Theodora found herself looking up and face to face with the crown prince for the first time. He was unreadable, his expression guarded, his grey eyes betrayed nothing, but when their eyes met, Theodora thought she could see a brief flicker of emotion, but it was gone before she could decipher it.

“Your Highness,” Yapha gave a slight bow before he wordlessly left her alone in the chamber completely flabbergasted. Theodora blinked until it registered that the prince was not coming back and only then she fell unceremoniously on the nearest chair, her dress puffed out around her.

“Your Highness? The prince…?” Posya appeared in the doorway, as confused as her mistress.

“He lifted the veil and he left. He just… left.” Theodora said absently, confused, but also relieved at the turn of events. Posya didn’t seem to share the sentiment, her face was troubled.

“What is he thinking? The Kings would not take it kindly.” At the mention of the Kings, Theodora was forcefully reminded that she shouldn’t be relieved. She was a princess, a bride to the crown prince; her duty was first and foremost was to provide heirs. How could she perform her duty if the prince wasn’t willing to lay with her?

“…I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault, Your Highness. The fault lies on the prince. Hopefully he would soon regain his senses.” Her heart gave painful lurch at this, knowing that when that time came she had no choice but to give herself to him. She didn’t tell her chief lady-in-waiting any of her fears though.

“I would hope the same,” while her heart screamed differently.

*

*

* 

It had been weeks since Theodora’s arrival in this foreign land. It had been weeks since she was married to the Crown Prince. It had also been weeks since she saw him last. She was not the only one who was aware of this. She had caught the whispers of her ladies who were talking about the latest gossip circulating the court. It was evident to her and her ladies that she was the main subject of current court gossip. 

She was dismayed to hear that the whole court knew how the prince had left her alone in their wedding night and how vicious their speculations were that she couldn’t bear to listen anymore. Posya who noticed this quickly and harshly silenced those ladies and told them to resume their duties then acted as though nothing was amiss. Theodora knew that her sister’s former lady had her misgivings about her being Isabel’s daughter, but she certainly knew to separate her feelings with her duties. Posya might do it out of duty, but Theodora was grateful nonetheless. At least she knew that she had one person she could count on in this place. 

Her interactions with the courtiers were few at best. She rarely met them during her walks around the vast palace, when she did, they treated her respectfully, but not many tried to extend overtures of friendship. She could see that they were measuring her, judging her, whether she was worth the effort. Back in Anatoria, she didn’t spend much time at court and most of the time she kept herself out of mind and out of sight, being the bastard daughter of Ruthen Tore. She might be openly acknowledged as Ruthen Tore’s daughter and Scotty Tore’s sister in public, but it didn’t change the fact that she was of low birth and her mother was merely a mistress, not a wife. 

She preferred to let the attention fall on half-siblings, which were more suited to the kind of life among the courtiers. Their very presence demanded attention; no one could ignore their presence among them. The children of noble Monica and proud Tore. She never deemed herself worthy to stand alongside them, her brother and sister. Thus, she always positioned herself as a stranger, an acquaintance, standing in the shadows, watching and observing silently, from the outside looking in. She was aware of the politics of court, and was able to comprehend their workings. However, she didn’t know what she was to do when she was forced to take part in them. 

Theodora knew how she might appear to the courtiers. She was nothing they expected from a Tore princess. She appeared shy and meek, instead of strong and confident like most royal princesses. She was not used to being deferred; being respected, as such she didn’t know how she should act and could only smile and nod whenever she was being addressed; she barely had the confidence to speak. She was by no means stupid; her father would not allow his children to have less than the best, including education befitting royal children. However, the finest education guaranteed nothing when the knowledge wasn’t put into use; such was the case with Theodora. She _knew_ vaguely what she ought to do, but had no clue how to proceed. She was not prepared for _this_. 

True, she had been considered as a potential bride for back-then Prince Biyon of Ramira, but the necessary preparations had the match been approved had been cut short with her father’s death. For this marriage, there were barely any preparations, she was only told few days before her leaving for Skarde. She only knew the basics, only what her brother and sister willingly told her and more likely that the important ones were known only to her chief lady-in-waiting, and were kept from her until further notice. She had quietly bristled at this treatment, as though she was a mere child, not being trusted enough to make her own decisions, but ended up saying nothing against it, because she wouldn’t know what to do even if she were to know. She had decided that the little she knew was the better. 

If only she knew how wrong she was.

*

 

*

 

*

 She was in another of her daily walks around the palace when Theodora encountered the youngest prince.

“Prince Shilla,” Theodora smiled at him. She had remembered him from their first meeting and remembered still his warm reception to her, which didn’t seem to change from his warm smile he gave in return. 

“Princess Theodora.” 

“How are you, Your Highness?” 

“I am fine, Your Highness. Hopefully it’s the same with you.” 

“I am fine, thank you for your concern,” Theodora found it was easy to respond to Shilla, unlike when she encountered other Skardean courtiers. “I haven’t seen you around.” 

“Well, I had some errands to do that I don’t have much chance to walk leisurely around the palace. Only now I am able to.”

“Ah. How would you spend your time?” 

“Well, I have some reading to catch up to, so I am heading towards the library.”

“Is that so? Where might the library be?” Theodora always had an interest in books and the Tore castle had a great selection of books in the library.  The library also offered her refuge whenever she felt the need to hide.

“It’s quite a walking distance from here. I could show you where it is.”

“That’s very kind of you. If you’re in no hurry, I’d really like to.” She could sense Posya’s disapproval, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Shilla was the first courtier who was genuinely nice to her and she could feel comfortable with. He was also the prince of the closest age to her.

“I am in no hurry, Your Highness. It’s my greatest pleasure to show you the royal library.” 

“Then please lead the way.” 

Theodora fell in step with Prince Shilla, easily matching his strides as he led her towards the direction of the library.

“If I may be as bold to ask, how are you settling here, Your Highness?” 

“It’s fine,” Theodora shrugged away the courtesy, “I’m settling as fine as I could. The Queen has been very kind to me. She always welcomes me whenever I come to visit to her quarters.” 

“Oh, she must have loved your visits,” there was a slight grin on his face at this, making his youthful features more striking, but also surprised her with the lightheartedness of his tone and expression, which was a complete contrast with his brother.

“Well, I cannot really tell… I could have taken her time for all I know.” 

“You could not have made better use of Her Majesty’s time, I assure you. The Queen has no child of her own and she is not getting younger, you give her something to look forward to.” 

“You are close to the Queen.” 

“Brother’s mother was close to the Queen, and since I was close to him, so naturally I came to be close to Queen Asitasivi.” The familiarity of which Shilla addressed both Yapha and Queen Asitasivi caught her interest.

“You are surprisingly close to Prince Yapha despite having different mothers,” Theodora decided to voice her question.

“It’s as surprising to the courtiers as it is to you, Your Highness,” Shilla responded with a twinkle in his eyes.

“May I know why?” Curiosity piqued with so little she knew of her husband, she decided to pursue the line of questioning. Fortunately, Shilla appeared to have no objection.

“There are only seven princes now, but there used to be nearly twenty of us. I was among the youngest along with the sons of the third wife, but unlike the fourth and fifth princes, my mother is not of old nobility and has little influence. I am often ignored and looked down by other princes and courtiers alike.” Shilla stopped at the frown on Theodora’s face.

“I’m sorry… I just find it hard to believe.” Theodora had the impression that Shilla was a capable prince; he was clearly intelligent and well-educated.

“Skardeans… have certain expectations from their royals, their princes in particular. I do not quite meet them.” There was wistfulness in his smile as Shilla said this.

“They do not know better then.” Theodora could see no fault in the prince. Meanwhile, Shilla didn’t seem to expect the sentiment, his surprise evident on his face. But then his surprise gave way into a bashful smile.

“Thank you. You’re too kind.” Before they could continue their conversation, they had arrived at the library. The sight of tall shelves of books easily caught her attention, Theodora’s eyes widened in awe when she could see no end to the shelves.

“Do you need any help around the library?” Shilla’s words brought her attention back, reminding her that she had a companion. Theodora gave the prince an apologetic smile, though Shilla appeared only amused at her preoccupation.

“Ah, I’d like to browse around if it’s alright.”

“All royals have access to the library, and now that includes you, Your Highness. Make yourself at home. Should you require any assistance; the librarians would be pleased to aid you.”

“Thank you,” Theodora smiled in gratitude to the fair-haired prince.

“You are welcome, Your Highness,” Shilla bowed gracefully. As Theodora watched him leave, she felt like that she found someone she could trust in the palace and she couldn’t help the small smile that remained on her face through the rest of her day.

*

*

*

“I saw you with the princess yesterday.”

Shilla blinked in surprise at the sudden turn of conversation. He and Yapha had just returned from the successful hunt and were currently in the process of removing their weapons. Their hunting attire was similar to their battle attire, which didn’t include flowing robe and sleeves for better movement. For that same reason he tied back his long hair, while Yapha had no need to tie his hair due its shorter length.

His brother never brought up the princess, even when he tried. Thus, it came rather as a surprise that Yapha actually mentioned his wife by his own initiative, but he wasn’t sure how to respond to the question. He had been drawn to the young woman, and as he spent more time with her, he found himself genuinely liking her. Ever since he showed her the library, Shilla often encountered Theodora in the library and often they spent their time conversing amiably.

Shilla had been careful not to be seen with the princess, acutely remembering that she was his brother’s wife and the whole court had noticed that Yapha was never seen visiting his new wife. He was not willing to compromise the gentle princess’ reputation, or his older brother’s. He knew where he stood, but Shilla didn’t quite know where his brother stood. How would Yapha take the news that his brother had been spending time with his wife?

“We met in the library,” Shilla decided not to give away anything yet, choosing a neutral answer to see how Yapha would respond to it. The dark-haired prince continued his routine as though he was completely unaffected, not looking at Shilla’s direction.

“Did you?”

“She often spends her time in the library,” Shilla chose his words carefully, “She doesn’t have many friends in the palace.” Both Shilla and Yapha knew it was an exaggeration, the courtiers were wary of the Anatorian princess, cordial as they were to her, they weren’t exactly vying for her favor. She didn’t have any friends or allies in the Skardean court aside from her fellow Anatorians.

“The Queen seems taken by her though. She practically takes her under her wing.”

Shilla heard a snort coming from his brother at this.

“She does it with all of my wives. She only makes herself too attached.”

That certainly made Shilla stop in the middle of putting on his outer robe. He slowly turned towards his brother who continued ignoring him.

“You don’t want to get attached.” It was a statement, not a question.

“You saw her. You know her.” Finally Yapha straightened up and met his younger brother’s gaze; those dark eyes were hard and dispassionate. “Then you should have known better.”

“No I don’t,” Shilla disagreed, “All I know that she needs you, her husband. She could have you and need no one else at court.”

“I don’t think my mother and my wives will agree with you.” Already dressed, Yapha left the room and didn’t look back. Shilla could only stare at his brother’s back, frustration marred his features.

*

*

*

 

Theodora was already dressed in her nightclothes, but she had no intention of going to bed. She was currently immersed in the latest volume of Skarde history by Evensi. History of Skarde was much more complex than that of Anatoria with many of their tribes and their civil wars. It was much a surprise that they could be under one rule; supposedly it was one of the reasons why the Kings of Skarde always took many wives. Some Kings tried to have one queen but no wives, for one reason or another but often it only ended up into a grave mistake, either their rule was ended prematurely or they ended up taking wives. Theodora didn’t linger on this line of thought though, disregarding its implication for her and instead continued on reading with the aid of the candle next to her bed.

In order to cope with the loneliness, Theodora resorted to childhood habit in immersing herself in books. When she had the children, she rarely spent  her time reading, save when she was reading for Hise and Alea. Her time was spent around them. Despite being isolated in the Tore Castle, Theodora never found herself lonely with those two dear children. The thought of Hise and Alea made her pause, the ache was still too great. She reached for the letter she kept at her bedside drawer, for the first correspondence from Lady Rara, which include a short letter from Hise and a drawing from little Alea. Looking at the boyish scrawl and the colorful lines of her charges helped to ease the ache.

She was broken out from her musing when she heard a loud commotion from the outer chamber. Theodora looked at her lady who had been cleaning up the remains of dinner who appeared as confused as she was.

“Lorna, please kindly check what the commotion is about.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” But before Lorna could go outside, Posya slipped into her bedchamber, the frazzled appearance of her meticulous lady sent her eyebrows up.

“What was it, Posya?” Even as she asked this, Theodora already slipped out from her bed and was about to check the commotion herself.

“It is… the prince.”

“Prince Yapha?” Theodora didn’t expect the prince to visit, let alone in such late hours. Against her better judgment, she stepped out of her chamber with only a robe over her nightclothes to find an unexpected sight.

“Ah, Princess!” The prince was completely nothing like her newly married husband, disheveled and uninhibited. His dark eyes were bright and his cheeks were tinged red and his balance was quite off. An older man whom she recognized as his chamberlain was holding him up and trying to keep him from approaching her. Her ladies hovered behind him, uncertain whether to let him to their mistress in such state, but the inebriated prince managed to close the distance between them. “You look so pretty! Even in nightclothes!”

Theodora blushed involuntarily at the compliment, even though the prince might not mean it. She recognized the signs, and the bottle in his hand was the only explanation she needed. The crown prince was drunk, very drunk, the scent of alcohol was thick in his breath. She very nearly jumped when her husband had his arms over her shoulders. She was immediately assaulted by a very masculine scent of sweat, musk and sandalwood beneath the sting of alcohol.

“Sleepy.” Wide-eyed Theodora caught the mumbled words when she felt all of his weight on him. The chamberlain was quick to react, taking on the weight before both the prince and princess could fall unceremoniously on the floor.

“My complete, utter apology, Your Highness,” the chamberlain looked completely aghast at his master’s action, and Theodora couldn’t help but sympathized with him. It could not be easy having Yapha as his master. “His Highness is not quite himself.”

“What happened?” Theodora couldn’t imagine that such a guarded man like Yapha would allow himself to display such vulnerability by drinking himself to oblivion.

“…I’m not really certain.” Theodora quietly observed whether it meant that he might know the reason but not in a position to tell her or he really didn’t know for certain. “He kept on drinking and suddenly he wanted to visit Her Highness’ quarters.

“I suppose I’ll take him back to his quarters.” The chamberlain adjusted his hold on the princes more firmly, preparing to take his master back.

“The crown prince’s quarters are quite a distance from here. It couldn’t be easy,” Theodora frowned, “And I don’t think… he could be seen in such state.” Theodora couldn’t help but reminded of her conversation with Shilla regarding Skardean’s expectations of their princes. She doubted they would take it kindly that their crown prince had drunk irresponsibly. The same thought seemed to occur in his chamberlain.

“Would it be alright if he stayed here for the night?”

Theodora was momentarily speechless, her first instinct was to refuse his stay, because it meant sharing her bed, but what kind of wife would she be? Besides, Yapha appeared to be completely unconscious, what harm there would be in having her in her bed?

“It’s no problem,” Theodora tried to smile, but failed, “Please take him to the bedchamber. My ladies should be able to assist you.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” The man was so relieved that he didn’t notice Theodora’s reluctance. Theodora merely nodded at Posya who had concerned look on her face before she went to help the chamberlain to set up the prince. The princess let out a sigh; she hoped she would have a good night sleep tonight with another in her bed, or any sleep at all.

*

*

 * 

After slipping under the coverlet and settling into some resemblance of sleep while trying to ignore the figure on the other side of the bed, Theodora was startled awake in the middle of the night nary few hours after she drifted off. She blinked sleepily, wondering what would be the cause. Then she heard noises behind her that made her tense in fear and anxiety. She stayed as quiet and still as possible when the noises became clearer to her. The noises were a jumble of words and sounds of movements against the sheet from a person right behind her. Only then she remembered that the prince had been sleeping next to her in the bed since he had been too drunk to return to his quarters. She wondered what would be the cause of the noise.

Slowly and carefully, she turned herself towards the other side where Prince Yapha was supposed to be lying on the bed, instead she found him trashing in his sleep, his movements wild and frantic, his lips muttering incomprehensible words.

Nightmare, she thought as she raised herself up, moving away slightly to avoid his limbs.

Should she wake him up? She hovered uncertainly, watching the movements he made in his sleep. He was showing no signs of waking any time soon. She could move out of the bed and sleep on the sofa, but her compassionate self couldn’t ignore the prince, who was also her husband, in such distress. She would try to wake her husband, but if she failed, then she would move out from the bed.

Taking a deep breath, she titled forward and slowly reached out her hand, but before it could make contact, his hand slapped her hand away. Surprised, she pulled her hand back. Taking another moment to gather herself, she slowly and carefully reached out to shake the prince awake, mindful of flailing limbs. She made contact on his shoulder, but could barely shake him, let alone wake him up. She tried again, and this time she managed to shake him harder.

Dark eyes snapped open, making her jump in surprise, but she didn’t see what was coming next. The man held her wrist tightly, making her fall forward and nearly on top of her if she didn’t break her fall with her other hand. Those eyes blinked slowly, as though as he wasn’t quite awake and register his surroundings.

“Your Highness…” Theodora tried to make him wake up, but no recognition came in those dark depths.

“Haisha…” Instead he reached out to her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek. The touch was surprisingly gentle and reverent, and for a moment she wondered what he saw until he pulled her down. Her eyes widened in surprise when his lips met hers.

Theodora couldn’t contain her surprise in the situation she found herself in. She tried to pull back but his hold grew tighter, almost painful as though he didn’t want to let go. He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him that she was pressed tightly against him, Theodora tried to resist by closing her mouth, but he was persistent. He kept pushing and probing his lips against hers and before she knew it, he pried them open. She protested against his mouth, but to no avail. He released his grip on her hand, only to place his hand on the back of her neck. She tried to push him away, but he was too strong for her. She shut her eyes tightly, unable to find anything pleasurable from the experience.

Then she felt his hand moved towards the back of her nightdress and tugged on the seam which held them together. Realizing his intention, fear and anxiety fueled her; she pushed with all her might and managed to break away from him, only to have the back of her nightdress torn apart. The prince didn’t seem to be fazed, he seized her by the arms and flipped them over that she was now lying on her back on the bed and he was hovering on top of her.

“Stop! Your Highness!” Theodora tried again only to have her mouth once again muffled by his mouth on hers. Her hands trashed against his hold on her arms, but his hold didn’t give away. He released her mouth only to continue his ministration to the side of her neck and down to her shoulders. The prince himself was already starting to remove his clothing.

Theodora knew what this was, knew what they were doing, but she wasn’t ready for this, she wasn’t ready to give herself to the prince. Tears of desperation were starting to gather in her eyes as she felt her thin nightdress was pulled away from her, baring herself completely to him. She didn’t stop trying to get through him, but it felt like fighting against a brick wall. She could cry out for help, but what good it would do? She was his wife, and he was her husband. They were doing what husband and wife were expected to do.

She started crying as his hands and mouth roamed over her bare skin, touching places that had remained untouched until now. She felt dirty, and violated. She dared not to open her eyes, not wanting to see what was done to her, thus she had no warning when she felt something inside her torn apart. She cried out in pain and blissfully fell into the embrace of darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

When Theodora woke up, her eyes felt dry and prickly as though she had been crying for hours, then her body felt unlike her own, not responding to her properly. The next thing she came to realize was the cold breeze against her skin, had she lost her blanket in her sleep? Then she realized that she felt cold breeze all over her body, it was only then she realized that she was completely bare without any shed of clothing on her body. She brought herself up quickly in surprise but the sudden movement pulled something in her lower abdomen, causing her pain like no other. Instinctively she curled on in herself, a hand on her abdomen. When she risked a glance, she found stains of red on the sheets. Hands trembling, she reached out to between her legs and found her fingers stained red. Her breathing had grown frantic at the discovery, in the last attempt to deny what happened to her, she turned her head towards the other side on the bed, and there he was. There lay the prince, as bare as she was.

Finding last night was no dream, Theodora started to cry softly.

“Your Highness?” The elder lady stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes fell upon the sight on the bed. She looked alternately between the sleeping figure of the prince and the hunched figure of the princess next to him, already coming to her own conclusion.

“Posya…” Theodora raised her head to look at her chief lady-in-waiting with pleading eyes, begging her to do something, anything to ease the pain.

“Anna!” Posya barked, then lowered her voice when she saw the young Tore flinched, “Do not allow anyone inside the bedchamber, and draw a bath for the princess right now!”

“Yes, Posya,” Anna’s voice could be heard from the outer chamber. For all her faults, Anna truly cared for their mistress and would serve her to the best of her ability even if that meant obeying the older lady and for that, Posya could respect her. Knowing that her orders would be followed immediately, she turned her attention towards the princess.

Theodora seemed so young and helpless that Posya could no longer see her mother in her and instead a frightened child who was pretty much unprepared for the harsh world. She carefully approached Theodora, snagging her mistress’ robe along the way.

“Your Highness… Princess Theodora,” at the sound of her name, the light-haired princess raised her head. Her eyes were rimmed red, her cheeks were blotched with dry tears, her hair was a mess, her bare skin was littered with marks and it took all of her self-control not to betray any emotion on her face. She couldn’t afford to break down, not when her mistress needed her. Posya could see her hand was on her abdomen and the red stain on the white sheets. It seemed that the prince hadn’t been gentle with her and this time she had to bite her lip before she could say anything she would regret regarding the prince; instead she managed to wear the robe on Theodora to cover her nakedness.

“The bath is ready,” Anna’s voice broke the silence, her voice steady at first but trailed off at the end. When she glanced back towards the younger lady, Posya saw Anna watching her mistress worriedly. Despite not knowing what happened, she seemed to know something was wrong with Theodora.

“Could you stand, milady?” Posya spoke gently.

There was a moment of hesitation before Theodora finally nodded slightly. She stretched out one of her leg slowly before planting her foot on the floor carefully, but when she tried to do the same with her other leg, she found herself stumbling forward, clutching her abdomen in pain. Posya and Anna were quick to assist her, stopping her fall by holding both of her arms. Anna’s eyes widened in surprise when she noticed the state her mistress was in but Anna wisely held her tongue and focused on helping Theodora.

“Let’s get you to the bath, shall we?” Anna told her mistress in comforting voice, trying to put Theodora in ease, raising Posya’s respect towards Anna another notch. With the help of her ladies, Theodora managed to get herself to the bath prepared for her. Behind the screen set up around the wooden bath, hidden from prince sleeping on the bed, Theodora felt more at ease. She let Posya and Anna helped to lower her down to the water. The water was warm, enough that it soothed the pain between her legs and at her lower abdomen. Once she was submerged in the water to her shoulders, Anna added herbs into the water; from the smell she knew they would help to ease the aches.

“Would you like for me to help you, Your Highness?” Anna asked gently, as Posya quietly retreated behind the screens.

It would be nice to be washed by Anna, but the thought of someone else touching her sent shudders through her, reminding her too closely how he had touched her.

“N-no,” Theodora managed to speak, her voice was quiet.

“Very well. I would be right outside if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Anna.” Even in such state, her mistress still remembered to thank her lady, Anna couldn’t help to smile sadly, but tried not show it. She needed to worry though, as Theodora had her head down, starting to scrub her body clean. Anna retreated to behind the screen, inwardly glad she was not the one that had to deal with the prince. 

*

*

 * 

Back in the bedchamber, bare-chested figure with wild mane of dark hair was sitting up in a groan. Muttered curses could be heard from him as he had a hand on the side of his head which was throbbing painfully. Yapha closed his eyes shut tightly; the sunlight didn’t help the piercing pain in his head, or repeated thrumming against his skull. He breathed through his nose, trying to ease the pain while also at the same time was trying to gather his memories of what happened. 

He had been drinking, that was easy to guess, with such painful reminder. He had been drinking more than his usual, because his recollections were surprisingly hazy. Yapha had a high tolerance to alcohol, it took him a lot to get him drunk to the point he could barely remember himself. And why would he do such foolish thing? 

 _Haisha_. 

His mind immediately stuttered into a halt. Yesterday was the anniversary of her death, of her and their son's. All day long he kept seeing her and Rhonda, every single thing seemed to serve as a reminder of what he lost. It took him everything to maintain his composure and gave away nothing of his turmoil. Only when he went to the parlor, with the private chamber provided for him, he was able to make himself forget with the help of alcohol. He didn’t remember how many drinks he took, he didn’t remember how long he stayed in the parlor, he didn’t even remember getting to bed.

Only then, his mind registered his state of undress. He never had a habit of taking off his clothes or sleeping bare due to the years spent under the threat of assassination and later, in the battlefield. For the same reason he slept with a dagger under his pillow, which he couldn’t find when his hand slip beneath the pillow. Frown gracing his features, muscles tensing in wariness, Yapha slowly opened his eyes, ignoring the pain at the back of his mind and was served with the sight of unfamiliar chamber, which was definitely not his. Instantaneously alerted into awareness, Yapha made a quick assessment of his surroundings.

He knew this chamber, he suddenly realized, he recognized the layout and the furnishings, but different decorations. 

_Different decorations for different occupants._

His heart beat erratically against his ribcage, wanting nothing more than to prove his assumptions wrong. He turned towards the other side of the bed, which was still warm and had the lingering scent that he only caught a whiff once. Rose and citrus. Then he fell upon the sight that made him go still.

Flecks of blood.

Yapha was no fool; he was married twice before, and had his share of women in his youth. He knew what this meant and he knew that he had done a grave mistake.

“Your Highness.” His head snapped sharply towards the voice, his first instinct was to tense up for a fight, only to find a bowed figure of a lady-in-waiting, but nothing tell him whose mistress she belonged to.

“Who are you?”

“I am Posya, chief lady-in-waiting to Princess Theodora, Your Highness.” The confirmation felt like a stab to the gut. How would the chief lady-in-waiting be in this very chamber if this wasn’t her mistress’ chamber?

There were many things he wanted to ask from how he ended up here to where the princess was, but none of them seemed right.

“Where is Rasta?” Instead Yapha asked for his chamberlain, who had at least some of the answers for his questions.

“He is outside. I forbid him from entering without my and my mistress’ permission.” The tone was flat, but the older woman’s eyes held a challenge for the prince to overrule her orders. Yapha had no intention of overruling her orders, as her words indicated that the princess were still the chamber. His eyes flicked towards the direction of the screen at the far corner of the chamber where another lady-in-waiting stood by. He could faintly hear the sound of water behind them. Noticing his gaze, the younger lady than the chief lady-in-waiting, moved to obstruct his view, as though positioning herself between him and her mistress, as though he was a _threat_.

Yapha’s hands were fisted so tightly that he could feel his blunt nails digging into skin at this realization. His teeth were grinding against each other that they creaked, but his expression gave nothing away. He merely turned his gaze back to the chief lady-in-waiting.

“Let me get dressed and I shall leave your mistress at once.”

“Very well, Your Highness,” Posya dipped in a curtsey before retreating to give him the privacy but remained in the chamber.

Yapha ignored them as he picked up his scattered clothes and paused slightly when he came upon a tattered nightdress. Jaw clenching, he ignored it and picked up his inner robe. Within moments he was already dressed and in better state than he was the night before, the ache in his head was already receding. He walked towards the doorway, his eyes flicking briefly towards the screen where no voice was heard but faint movement in the water.

“Thank you for your hospitality” was all he could say to the chief lady-in-waiting, there were little words he could say to make everything better. He had hurt the princess, he had taken her against her will, his right or not, she and her ladies had the right to resent him. He had made a grave mistake, and all he could do was not to make any more mistakes.

Rasta greeted him immediately once he stepped out of the inner chamber. He nodded wordlessly as he led them out of the princess’ quarters, intending this to be the last time he would be here.

*

*

*

 

The days after, Theodora spent her time mostly in her bed; the soreness between her legs didn’t allow her much movement without wincing. She also didn’t want to hear the whispers of the court, their speculations if they caught sight of the prince coming out from her chambers in the morning. The moment she could walk without feeling pain, Theodora resumed her normal routine, giving away no impression that anything changed. Since then, she never came into contact with the crown prince. For few weeks, she thought nothing of it, but after the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, she was certain that Prince Yapha was deliberately avoiding her, because even in those early weeks, she had seen the prince once or twice though from a distance.

Theodora pushed back unfinished plate of dinner on her tray; despite it was her usual share she usually finished. Posya didn’t fail to notice the change in her eating habits.

“Your Highness, please finish your dinner,” Posya gently coaxed her mistress. “You have not been eating well lately.”

“I’m fine, Posya. I just don’t have much appetite,” Theodora smiled tiredly at the older lady. She was never a picky eater; she could easily eat whatever served before her. She also had no problem eating meager share of food, considering the early days when she was the unacknowledged bastard daughter of Ruthen Tore.

“Why don’t you at least try the soup? Anna has told me how you like it with some milk and spiced chicken.”

“Okay…” Theodora relented, taking a spoonful of the soup and bringing it up to her mouth, but instead pleasant warmth and tasteful juices on her tongue and down her throat, she could only taste all too much pepper and salt and feel a rising nausea that forced her to spit out the soup and nearly brought up the rest of her meal. She cupped her hand to her mouth, her stomach churning unpleasantly.

“Your Highness…” Suspicions started to gather in the old lady-in-waiting. Posya clearly recalled not finding bloody shifts in the past months since her mistress was with the prince. She hadn’t had her period ever since. Theodora’s eyes wide as she reached the same conclusion with her lady-in-waiting.

“I’ll summon a physician immediately.” Posya made a move towards the doorway. Before she knew what she was doing, her hand reached out to grasp her lady’s hand.

“…No.” Firm hand on her wrist and firm voice of her mistress stopped Posya. “Don’t.” Theodora didn’t know where the certainty came from, but she knew that this was the right decision.

“But Your Highness!” Posya, good Posya, protested, her mistress’ well-being remained in the forefront of her mind. 

“There’s no need for anyone else to know. At least not now, not yet.” 

She couldn’t forget the circumstances which led her to this, she couldn’t forget that night. She couldn’t forget how her husband seemed to avoid her and to keep his distance with her. She couldn’t be certain how he would receive the news. The Kings would be certainly pleased, but what good it would do than to draw attention to her?

Theodora was on her own and she had to do everything she could to protect this child, _her child_. In order to do so, she knew that she could no longer feign ignorance in this court. She had to learn everything she needed to know to protect her child and until then, she could protect her child best when no one else knew of her child’s existence. She pursed her lips, looking determinedly at her chief lady-in-waiting.

“Please Posya. I need to, I want to protect this child.”

“His Majesty the King can protect you and your child should you let him know.”

“Let the King who only acknowledges his sister when he needs to make a political marriage, who doesn’t acknowledge any of his children despite their resemblance to him to protect this child?” If it was only Theodora, she would not take offense to his brother’s casual regard of people’s lives or feelings, but now there was a child to consider, Theodora couldn’t anymore. She feared of what his brother would make of her child. The King of Skarde himself was no better. The more Theodora thought of it, the more she decided to conceal her pregnancy was the best course of action.

“Very well, Your Highness,” Posya reluctantly obeyed her mistress’ wishes, though she could certainly understand Theodora’s reasoning.

“Thank you, Posya. I couldn’t do it without you,” Theodora gave Posya a grateful smile. She didn’t know what she would do once she could no longer hide her pregnancy, but she had at least one person she could rely on.

Posya saw this and promised herself that she would do her best to support the princess, including hiding her pregnancy not only from the whole court but also from two powerful kings. As daunting and frightening was the task, Posya couldn’t find it within herself to care. She already found a worthy mistress in Theodora, like she did in Olivia, in Grethen, in Hazel, and she had served them to the best of her ability and she would do the same for Theodora.

*

*

*

When Theodora stepped out from the library, night had fallen over; the torches at the walls of the hallways had been lit, casting shadows on the walls and floors. Suddenly Theodora felt uneasy at the silence that greeted her. It hadn’t been her first time venturing outside after the dusk, but she couldn’t help but wary of her surroundings, eyeing the flickering shadows with apprehension as she and her ladies walked towards her quarters. She was aware to an extent that the Skardean palace was not as safe as Anatorian palace, but she had paid no mind to it before… before she found out she was with child. Her hand brushed her abdomen lightly. She could no longer think for herself anymore, she also had to think for her child now. She couldn’t afford to be careless. 

Theodora heard one of her ladies at the back let out a sound.

“What is it, Tasha?”

Flustered at being caught what could be considered as inattentive by her mistress, the young lady stuttered, “I thought I saw the bushes shifted, Your Highness.”

“…The bushes?” At this, the young princess felt alarm at the back of her mind, heightening her senses. She exchanged glances with Posya, who shared her alarm, or at least, reacted accordingly towards the alarm she saw in Theodora’s face.

“Bushes always rustle,” Posya said briskly, then apologized to her mistress, “Forgive me for my lady’s inattention.”

Theodora felt the twitch at the corner of her mouth at the familiar brusque manner of her chief lady-in-waiting. Once she got used to the older lady, the manner seemed only to endear Posya more. She could see where her sister’s fondness of Posya came from. However, this thought was brought to a halt when she caught the sounds of the bushes rustled from different directions and immediately she snapped to look towards the darkened garden. It took her eyes moments to adjust before she could finally see the shapes of men in the darkness, and there were many, her eyes darted around, certainly more than her and her ladies and all coming from the cover of the night, and they were not unarmed, were the metal glint of swords any indication.

“Move!” Posya’s shout broke the horrified trance they were in, urging them to flee, but before they could take more than five steps to safety, they were cut off as men in black stood before them. They tried to retrace back, but the others were quick to anticipate this, leaving Theodora and her ladies with no place to run.

Posya, brave Posya, merely glared at them, putting herself in front of Theodora, not showing the slightest fear, “How dare you raise your sword against the Princess?”

Her ladies closed around her, acting as a shield around their mistress, but Theodora didn’t fail to notice the tremors of fear they didn’t quite hide. Theodora couldn’t hide her dismay at the situation, blue eyes flitting worriedly on each and lastly at Posya who stood the furthest from her, the first protection of her mistress against the threat.

“Stand aside, or we’ll spare you.” The man’s voice was muffled by the cloth covering half of his face, Theodora wouldn’t be able to place the voice should she try.

“No,” Posya refused vehemently with a stubborn set of her jaw. Her blue eyes widened when Theodora saw the swing of the sword towards Posya.

“Posya!” Theodora cried out in horror when she saw her lady fell. Her instinctive reaction was to push against her ladies and to reach for Posya.

“No, Your Highness!” The ladies were slow to react that they didn’t manage to let the princess slip away from them. Anna was the first to catch up with their mistress, hand trying to reach for Theodora. The men, however, were quick to seize their opportunity, Anna helplessly watched them moved towards Theodora and thought that she was going to fail her mistress. 

Theodora saw them coming, and tried to stay away from their reach, but they were fast and she had foolishly walked towards them. She curled in protectively around her abdomen, closing her eyes at the inevitable when suddenly she heard a cry and a thud from the direction of her attackers. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see the two that was about to kill her fell on the floor with knives embedded on their back. Staring at the limp forms in surprise, only the sound of more bodies hitting the floor and cries of pain made her look up only to see two familiar figures of Prince Yapha and Prince Shilla.

“The Princes!” Theodora was surprised to note than none of those men tried to flee for their lives, despite the ease of which the two Skardean princes defeated their comrades. It was a testament of loyalty of these assassins, which made them more dangerous than other assassins, but she only realized this later as her attention was once again on the unmoving form of Posya. Now that the men were being pushed back by both princes, she felt safe enough to kneel beside Posya.

The lady-in-waiting had deep slash from her left shoulder to her right hip and there was a lot of blood, too much blood, her handkerchief was quickly stained with red that she didn’t think twice of tearing her undershirt and using the fabric to stop the blood while hovering protectively over her fallen protector.

There should be twenty men in the beginning, but they were reduced to none in the end. She should feel horrified at the carnage, at the calm visage of the princes after they killed the last of the men, but she only felt relief that they were there before more of her ladies could get hurt.

It was Shilla who came to her, his sword already sheathed at his side.

“Your Highness, are you alright?”

“I am fine. Posya…,” Theodora gestured helplessly at her unconscious lady, ignoring the warm blood coating her hands. Her voice didn’t waver, but she kept her sentences short in fear that longer sentences would show how shaken she was.

“We’ll get her a healer,” Shilla nodded, his voice and expression was calm and reassuring. The younger prince gave a glance towards his back, supposedly towards his men.

“My ladies?” Theodora glanced quickly towards her remaining ladies in worry.

“Other than some scare and scratches, they are fine,” only then Theodora looked at Prince Yapha, who was standing not far from her and Shilla. She vaguely concluded that the glance Prince Shilla sent was to his brother’s way.

“Anna?” Theodora called her closest lady-in-waiting, hoping that her dear friend was alright. She briefly recalled Anna at her periphery, trying to stop her from getting to Posya and endangering herself.

“Your Highness!” Theodora couldn’t hide her relief when Anna immediately responded to her call and came to her side, seemingly unscathed. “Let me look after Posya until the healer comes.” Theodora didn’t understand Anna’s words at first, but then she realized that Anna was offering to replace her hands on Posya’s wounds. Hesitantly Theodora pulled away her hands and Anna’s hands quickly resumed their place. The entirety of her palm was stained with blood, with Posya’s blood, because she tried to protect Theodora.

“Princess Theodora,” Yapha’s voice came from behind her, much closer than before and Theodora found herself flinching at his presence. Neither prince failed to notice this; Shilla saw the brief shadow that crossed his brother’s features.

“Let’s go back to your quarters. It’s better for us not to linger here,” Shilla spoke to Theodora gently and carefully as though to a frightened animal, while offering a hand to help her up. Only when Yapha stepped back to give her some distance Theodora placed her hand in Shilla’s.

“Posya…” Theodora’s gaze kept flickering back towards Posya.

“My physician and men would look after your ladies.” Theodora held Shilla’s gaze, finding those kind and earnest eyes made her believe that he would keep his word, not simply because he was humoring her. Slowly, Shilla guided her towards her quarters, Theodora was keenly aware of Yapha’s presence nearby; his presence was somehow familiar, as though it wasn’t the first time that he stood out of sight, but close to her.

Before she realized it, they had safely reached her quarters without encountering any courtiers. Her ladies swiftly came into attention, those who weren’t injured went to prepare her chamber and the others went to prepare dinner for the princess and the princes. The familiar sight was comforting to Theodora, the tension slowly drained away from her. Suddenly her head felt light, she blinked in attempt to get rid of the feeling, but instead she found herself falling.

“Your Highness!”

“Theodora!” At the call of her name, strong arms stopped her fall, oddly familiar scent of musk and sandalwood engulfed her before she knew no more.

*

*

*

“Her Majesty the Queen!” One of the Anatorian lady-in-waiting announced the arrival of Queen Asitasivi to the only occupants of the outer chamber as she admitted the highest lady in Skardean court. The two princes stood in attention and bowed courteously the moment Asitasivi swept into the room, leaving her ladies in a good distance away that any discussion between them would not be overheard.

“Is it true that the princess was attacked?” Asitasivi directed the question to Yapha.

“The princess and her ladies were ambushed when they were on their way to return to her quarters.”

“Was she hurt?” Asitasivi asked genuinely asked out of concern for the young princess, not simply because she happened to be the sister of the King of Anatoria. She found Theodora to be a refreshing change in the Skardean court and came to look forward to her visits to her quarters.

“She managed to escape unscathed, as most of her ladies.”

“We happened to be nearby, Brother Yapha and I,” Shilla added, “We stopped the men before they could hurt Princess Theodora, but her chief lady-in-waiting is grievously injured.”

“Then the princess is alright?”

“When we arrived, she fell unconscious, most likely due to shock,” Shilla was the one who answered, after sending a brief glance towards Yapha.

“Oh my… Poor child…” Asitasivi let out a sigh, placing a hand on her brow. Yapha helped the Queen to sit on one of the chairs, placing a hand on her elbow. The aging queen shook her head in dismay, she had hoped that being related to King Scotty would give Theodora some protection, but then again, being related to the Rans didn’t protect Haisha.

“I have Patra examining her, should we remiss,” Yapha calmly assured her.

“That’s good,” Asitasivi agreed with Yapha’s decision to have his personal physician examine his wife. Patra had been among his most trusted and loyal men, he was also among the best physician at court, though she couldn’t help but pay more close attention to the closed expression on the Crown Prince. It was as though he tried not to feel anything with what happened to the princess, which was an interesting development for Asitasivi considering what she gleaned from Theodora and court gossip.

“Your Majesty, Your Highnesses,” a man appeared from the doorway to the princess’ bedchamber, bowing in obeisance when he realized he was in the presence of the Queen and two princes. He had a distinctive dark crimson hair which pulled back in a low ponytail and walked with a slight limp on his leg.

“How is the princess?” Asitasivi questioned the physician, but the man didn’t immediately respond, instead he seemed to look at Yapha’s direction.

“All of you, leave this room immediately.” This order was directed to both of the Queen and princess’ ladies who were hovering at the edge of the chambers with a sharp glare that was instantly obeyed. In no time, there were only three royals and one physician in the outer chamber, away from unwanted prying ears and eyes.

“Is there something wrong with the princess?” The queen grew concerned with the need of secrecy.

“There is no immediate danger to the princess health, Your Majesty. Her body merely shut down in reaction towards the circumstances, which is to be expected, especially considering her condition.”

“Her condition?” Yapha caught on his physician’s careful wording, a frown creasing his features. The reaction seemed to confirm whatever suspicion the physician had, if the slight tightening at the corners of his mouth was any indication.

“The princess is with child.”

Shocked silence greeted Patra’s words. Shilla was the first to regain his bearings.

“How far along is she?”

“My estimate is around ten to eleven weeks.”

“That’s almost three months,” Asitasivi spoke in disbelief; she heard nothing about any pregnancy, let alone an Anatorian princess’ pregnancy. Such news should have spread and heard throughout the court and kingdom. She turned towards the dark-haired prince, who remained tensed and unmoving by her side, “Yapha, are you aware of this?”

“No, I’m afraid not, Your Majesty,” Yapha answered stiffly, not meeting her eyes.

“Shilla?” The younger prince was close to Theodora, it might be possible that she informed him, or at least, Shilla might notice any change in her.

“How can I know, if Brother doesn’t?” There was a wan smile on Shilla’s face. “The princess told me nothing, Your Majesty. It is news to me as it is to you.”

“Could she possibly not know herself?” Asitasivi wondered aloud, now returning her attention to the red-haired physician.

“I don’t think so, Your Majesty. I took the liberty to question her ladies, though none of them appear to notice anything amiss with their mistress, they do notice the change in Her Highness’ diet, which is a typical diet for pregnant women.”

“They could be lying,” Shilla saw the loyalty of Theodora’s ladies to her; it wouldn’t be too farfetched that they tried to protect their mistress from unwanted attention.

“I would be able to tell if they are.”

Asitasivi leaned back on her chair, completely taken aback, “Are you suggesting that the princess deliberately hide her condition from _everyone_?”

“I’m afraid only the princess can answer that, Your Majesty.”

“When will she regain consciousness?” It was Yapha who asked the question, his expression remained unreadable.

“It could take several minutes to several hours.”

“Then summon me once she does. I’d like to be the first to speak with her,” at this Asitasivi gave a sharp look to Yapha, who merely nodded in acknowledgment.

“Very well, Your Majesty.” Patra bowed in submission. With slight difficulty, the Queen of Skarde stood from her seat with her own power and left the chamber, leaving the two princes.

“Patra, you are to be stationed in the princess’ quarters until I said otherwise,” Yapha finally turned towards his subordinate. “You are also in charge of the men guarding the area.”

“I would relay all information to you should anything change, Your Highness,” Patra bowed respectfully in acknowledgment before retreating into the inner chamber to once again tend the princess who safety he was charged with.

“…Brother,” Shilla asked his brother tentative, wondering whether to broach the issue.

“Where’s the General?”

“I didn’t see the General or his men guarding the area, did you?” Sharp dark eyes turned on him, Shilla was surprised to see anger and resentment behind them.

“No, I didn’t.”

“He must come up with a better reason than leaving his post.” Wordlessly Yapha turned and left the chambers with determined step, most likely to start his search to the missing guard of the princess.

Looking at the expression on his brother’s features, Shilla could not find it in himself to pity the general, considering that what happened to the princess might be able to be averted should he remain at his post. But at the same time, Shilla couldn’t help a thrill thrumming through his veins. It had been a while his brother had shown any emotions since Haisha’s death. Shilla thought he was seeing the return of the brother he admired, the prince of wind.


	6. Chapter 6

When Theodora opened her eyes, she found the familiar sight that was of the ceilings of her chamber and the softness beneath her head and body were enough of a confirmation where she was. However, once her memories returned, her eyes widened in horror and instinctively she struggled to sit up. Anna who was standing watch on her mistress quickly rushed to her side.

“Your Highness!”

“Posya, how is Posya?” Theodora immediately quizzed her lady-in-waiting, her brow furrowed in worry.

“She's alright, milady. She has been treated by the Crown Prince's personal physician himself and he has assured her full recovery with good rest.”

The princess let out a relieved sigh at this.

“My lady princess,” an unfamiliar man was standing at the foot of her bed, his posture hunched in deference. Catching her mistress's confused gaze, Anna went to introduce the stranger.

“Milady, that is Patra, Crown Prince's personal physician. He is also the one who treated you.” The significance was not lost on Theodora who grew tense at the realization. Patra seemed to notice this, kindly asking before approaching her,

“Your Highness, may I?”

“You may come forward.” After a brief hesitation, Theodora allowed the physician to check her condition. The man took her wrist, placing his thumb on her pulse point with surprising care and gentleness.

“Nothing a good rest and good nourishment cannot cure. I have taken the liberty to inform your ladies the restrictions in order to preserve your health.” Despite there was no mention of her condition, the deliberate choice of words gave away that the physician had known, and most likely so was his master.

“The Queen has expressed her wishes to see you once you are awake. Would you like for me to let her know?” Her stomach churned when she realized that the Queen seemed to also know. Her first reaction was to refuse to see the Queen, but Asitasivi had been nothing but kind to her and she might be a good ally once her condition could no longer be hidden. Theodore gave a hesitant nod to the physician, who took it as an agreement and excused himself to inform the Skardean queen.

Theodora couldn't help but jumped in surprise when the Queen's presence was announced in the chamber, despite expecting her any time after agreeing to see the older woman. Asitasivi immediately went to her side, her ladies rushed to set up a chair next to the bed for the aging queen. Without prompting, all of her and the queen's ladies made themselves scarce, giving the two high-ranking ladies privacy.

“How are you?” The gentle words and the concern on her face were almost too much for Theodora, but she managed to hold herself back when all she wanted was to let out all of her fears and worries.

“I'm fine now. Thanks to Prince Yapha and Prince Shilla.”

“I'm glad that they were there when you were attacked. I didn't want to think what would happen if they weren't.”

“Neither do I.” Theodora had to resist the urge to brush her fingers on her abdomen, to assure that her child was safe. Asitasivi covered her hand gently and caught her gaze.

“Theodora, I know.” The young woman dropped her gaze at this, not wanting to see the queen's reaction towards her attempt in hiding her pregnancy.

“Besides me, only Yapha and Shilla know. And you need not to worry about Patra. He is loyal to Yapha, and to you by extension, he won't tell anyone. No one else knows. Not even the King.”

“Would you do that?” Surprised that the queen would go such lengths, Theodora looked up and met the older woman's determined gaze.

“Do you really think I tell the King everything? Even I am bound to have my secrets,” Asitasivi gave her a sly smirk at this. “And I think... you have a good reason to hide your pregnancy.”

“Do you think so?” Her voice was quiet, tentative. Asitasivi's features softened at the uncertainty. There was times when Theodora questioned herself, whether she was doing the right thing. It would be easy to let her brother know and let him make all the decisions through the general. But at the same time the thought crossed her mind, she was also reminded of another royal child, who might not live and return to his homeland and she immediately quashed the notion.

“I do. As painful as it is to admit, I do think so,” Asitasivi didn't hide the pain in her eyes. “No one is safe in Skarde. Not even an unborn child of Skarde and Anatoria. For that, I'm sorry.” At this honest acknowledgment, Theodora was at loss of words. “I just wish that you trust me enough to let me know, to let me help.”

“I'm sorry.” Asitasivi merely gave her hand a gentle squeeze and a warm smile as she shook her head.

“It's alright. We'll hide your condition from the King and King Tore until we couldn't. There's only one thing though, only one thing I ask of you.” Asitasivi had taken a hold of both of her hands in her own.

“What is it?” Theodora asked carefully, not wanting to push her luck.

“I know we haven't given enough reason for you to, but please trust us. Please trust me, Yapha and Shilla to look after you.” Theodora didn't immediately respond, but then she slowly nodded.

“Thank you, my dear. Thank you.” Asitasivi kissed both of Theodora's cheeks, holding her hands tightly. _No, thank you_ , Theodora wanted to say, _for wanting to, for caring._

*

*

*

“Your Highness.”

When he stepped into his quarters, the last person he was expected was currently rising to her feet as he made his entrance. The princess appeared much better than he saw her last, which was when he carried her pale and unconscious form to her chambers. The colors had been back to her complexion, she wore only simple accessories and dress. Her shawl was the only sign that she might not quite be in full health or she was actually pregnant.

“Princess Theodora,” Yapha returned her greetings, hiding his surprise of her presence in his quarters of all places. The hesitant smile on her face and the slight shift in her body language was giving away her discomfort being in the same place with him and he couldn’t bring himself to be angry at her, only sad.

“What can I do for you?” He asked, hiding his emotions smoothly behind his calm façade.

“I… heard that you have General Baran in your custody.” Theodora started slowly and carefully.

“Where do you hear that?” Yapha merely raised an eyebrow, while wondering how the princess could find out.

“One of my ladies saw what happened and one of his men told me what happened to the General.” Her tone was surprisingly matter of fact and he couldn’t find a reason not to tell the princess the truth. The general was her fellow countryman and her personal guard.

“Yes, I do.”

“For what reason do you imprison him like a common criminal?”

“For what reason?” Yapha resisted the urge to narrow his eyes at the young woman. “He is your appointed guardian, milady, have you forgotten?”

“Yes, that he is,” Theodora admitted as much.

“Then his duty is to protect you, as he should in that night. None of your ladies should be injured for doing what is supposed to be his duty. He has been neglectful in his duties, and since his failure allowed the wife of the crown prince to be under threat, _I_ have the right to give him the punishment as I see fit. ”

Theodora bowed her head slightly, not disagreeing with his statement and Yapha thought it was the end of it, but she surprised him.

“And what would you do to him?”

“What I would do to every soldier who failed in his task,” he turned away from her, walking to the windows, hoping that she would take the sign that he would no longer speak of it. But the princess didn’t seem to understand, as she continued her questions.

“Then you would just… beat him? ... torture him? To what end?” Despite not looking at her, Yapha could imagine her confusion.

“To remind him of his duty.” Yapha answered shortly, but her response was nothing like he expected.

“His duty might be to protect me, but his loyalty is not to me.”

At this, Yapha stilled, the only sign that her words were catching him off guard.

“And Your Highness must have already known this. Or at least, you must have suspected this from the beginning.” Theodora spoke calmly, her eyes trained on the figure of her husband, trying to read him.

She knew that her husband didn’t like her questioning his decision and he had given her hints to drop the issue, but she couldn’t. She simply didn’t see what the use would be to punish the general, not only because she disliked to see her fellow Anatorian hurt because of her –though she acknowledged that she wasn’t completely at fault but also because she couldn’t see the good in his action. She was afraid that she and the prince would lose any favor, little it might be with Anatoria. It would be no good to lose whatever good impression they had on Anatoria. It was the first thing she learned in political games, to maintain good relationship with allies and enemies alike.

“General Baran's loyalty is to Anatoria and the King first and foremost. Whatever you do to him would not and could not change that. Whatever promise you manage to gain of him would be nothing but a lie.” Theodora had suspected this, but she never openly acknowledged it, because it would only ascertain that she had no one in Skarde to trust but her ladies, that she could only trust those her sister chose for her, but not her brother. She would have been glad to pretend otherwise, opting to see from rose-colored glasses but not she had a life to protect, she could not longer do it.

“Let him go Your Highness. Just... let him go.” Theodora didn't know what else she could say to persuade the prince.

“You know and yet you ask me let him go for his misconduct?” Finally Prince Yapha turned towards her, his eyes narrowed in anger, but his tone suggested confusion.

“What do you wish to accomplish Your Highness?” Instead Theodora found herself asking. She was new to this political game; she could only see the immediate consequence, and at times, the bigger picture. "How can you fault the guard assigned by the King of Anatoria for his misconduct? How can you justify whatever punishment you'd lay on him to the King without consequence?

“He is my appointed guard by the King, in place of the King, only I am allowed to punish the general without any repercussions,” Theodora paused, briefly wondering whether her decision was the wise one, “And I do not wish to punish him the way you have.”

Yapha found himself once again speechless in the presence of the princess. Theodora's voice was quiet and tentative, her eyes wide and earnest as she asked these questions. She was not as naive as he thought she was, she still had the look of wide-eyed innocence and inherent belief of good in people, but she had surprisingly sharp observation and keen insight and awareness of her position. A complete contrast against him who was anything but innocent and trustful, she was also calm and patient in ways that he wasn't.

Carefully worded as a request, it nearly concealed that Theodora was actually standing up against him, against his decision to keep the Anatorian general against his will. She was exactly nothing he expected her to be, and Yapha couldn't help but in awe in this young, inexperienced princess. Her calm helped him to gather his thoughts and reconsider his actions and he knew that any action he took on General would be futile and harmful in the long term. It would be no use to tip his hand too early in the game. There was a lengthy silence as Yapha quietly mulled this while Theodora resisted the urge to shift.

“Very well. I will release him.”

There was a look of surprise and relief on her features at his decision. Yapha wondered how this very woman whose emotions were plain to see was able to conceal her pregnancy for so long, escaping the notice of two powerful men.

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Theodora curtsied to express her gratitude and the gesture seemed so wrong to him that she, who had unwittingly placed herself in danger by becoming his wife and the mother of his child, should bow down on him.

“Don't.” Theodora looked up at him questioningly. Yapha didn't realize he had spoken.

“Do not curtsey in my presence. Do not curtsey in anyone's presence but the King and Queen.” For the very first time, he deliberately met her eyes, and inwardly surprised at how startlingly blue they were. Theodora appeared as though she didn't quite know what to make of his statement, but dipped her head hesitantly, most likely only to appease him. His lips twitched, wanting to correct her assumptions, but the words were tangled in his throat. He had intended to keep his distance, but he found himself closing the distance whenever he came close to her.

“Thank you for your time Your Highness. I shall take my leave and not disturb you any further.”

Yapha made no move to stop her, but didn’t look away from her figure until she was completely out of his sight, the words unsaid lingered on his tongue. _Do not curtsey to anyone; because you are better than them, you are better than_ me _._

“Rasta,” his chamberlain immediately appeared by his side, “Tell the men to release the general.”

“Very well, Your Highness,” Rasta bowed in acquiescence, before retreating to deliver his master’s order dutifully and leaving Yapha to reevaluate his assessment of the princess. 

*

*

*

“Your Highness, I’m reporting to duty,” Baran who was newly released from Crown Prince’s custody knelt before Theodora. Theodora couldn’t help but concerned to see the condition the general was in, the skin that wasn’t covered by his clothes showed visible signs of abuse, her mind tried not to think of the word torture, but she remained careful not to give away her condition, she wore tight bindings over her stomach and kept her distance to the kneeling man. She received the man in her outer chamber once her lady delivered the man’s request for an audience.

“I am truly glad to see you, General Baran,” though his loyalty was not to her, Theodora was still glad to see a familiar face in the foreign place.

“I have heard of what happened. I would receive whatever punishment you decided for me for my failure.”

Theodora noticed that there was no offer of platitudes and apologies, simply a blunt statement of fact and acceptance of his failure. She could see why this man was among her brother’s generals. She would like very much to have this man on her side, but she knew no way in order to secure his loyalty. She couldn’t fathom what King Scotty had done to earn it and doubted that she had any chance of emulating him.

“Would there be any chance that you might be unable to attend to me again in the future?” Instead of answering, Theodora found herself asking. She was interested to hear his answer, because the general could not know that she knew where his true loyalty lay. There was a slight hesitation before he answered.

“There might be, Your Highness.” Theodora smiled sadly at this, he had proven himself a good man as she first suspected.

“Correct me if I am wrong, General Baran, are you or are you not assigned as my guard?”

“…Yes, Your Highness.”

“Then what of this business that require you to be away from your charge, from your responsibility? Are they in any way related to my protection?”

There was no immediate response, and Baran didn’t make any attempt to raise his head or move from his position on the floor. Theodora let out a sigh, the silence was already enough of an answer to her, and she knew better than to push.

“Do not deign to answer should it make your position difficult, General.” She looked away towards the window from his kneeling from, thinking of the best approach to reach a compromise of some sort.

“Aside from the times whenever you are required to leave due to this business,” Theodora emphasized the word business, “I would have your words that you are not to leave your post and be neglectful of your duties?”

“Yes, Your Highness. You have my word.”

“I would take your word as it is.” The Queen, Shilla and Posya had told her not to trust anyone in many ways, and they would definitely tell her to ask for a proof for his promise, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Sometimes the only way to make a man trustworthy was to trust him, remembering the words from a book she once read.

“As for your punishment…” At this, she could clearly see how his shoulders tense from her vantage point.

“I want you to always be truthful to me.” Theodora could see that her words were completely unexpected and she thought she could see his mind working furiously to come up with the correct response.

“Do not misunderstand me, milord,” this time Theodora purposefully dropped his military title and instead resorted to his nobility status, which placed herself in higher position than him. “I am aware that there is some business that my brother the King deems it is not mine to know, and he might be correct, if he were actually here. He wasn’t the one who was ambushed. He wasn’t the one who had one of people nearly died protecting him.”

At this, Theodora slowly closed their distance, and in a bold move, she lowered herself to his level, meeting his gaze.

“If there’s any chance that I am able to prevent this from happening again. I’d really like for you to let me know. You don’t have to tell me everything. You don’t even have to _say_ anything. The King is not here, but you are, and I trust you to know which business is mine to know.”

“Your Highness…”

“His Majesty the King chose you. His Majesty trusts you, and so do I,” though Theodora wondered a bit whether her brother truly trusted anyone, or any of his generals, and whether her brother and her trusted Baran for the same reasons, “Is our trust misplaced?”

Theodora inwardly winced at the approach she decided to use, having to quell the urge to take back those words. She was putting Baran in a difficult place by questioning the trust given to him. Being the loyal man he was, Baran would strive to prove her wrong, his response merely confirmed her assumption.

“No, Your Highness.”

“Thank you, General,” slowly she rose to her feet. “Please make sure your wounds get treated, my ladies have some ointment that could help.”

“Thank you, Your Highness is most gracious.” Baran slowly rose to his feet at the dismissal.

“I bid you good rest.” The Anatorian general gave a deep bow before retreating from her presence, leaving Theodora with heavy heart, wondering whether she did the right thing.

*

*

*

“What?!” King Mamere couldn’t hide his shock at the news. “Karta dared to attack our borders?”

“They have managed to seize two of the outer posts of Rota. Prince Mose and Prince Mulla managed to stop their progress further to Rota, but they are currently in a stalemate. Kartan forces are of greater number than expected. They are requesting for assistance.”

Prince Mose and Prince Mulla were both his sons from the third wife, which was of Ran, the greatest noble family in Skarde after the Argos. They had the best men in their army at their disposal, yet they requested for assistance. It was either the situation was truly dire or they had ulterior motive. Mamere mulled this over, his hand rubbed his beard in a familiar gesture while he was thinking.

“Did they specify what kind of assistance they need?”

“They requested for additional men, preferably from royal army or if it is not possible, they would settle for Prince Yapha’s personal army since they are among the best.”

“And they have not requested for assistance to the Rans?”

“It appears they have, but the Rans have yet to respond.”

“Or they feel no need to,” Mamere murmured thoughtfully. “This sounds very much Mose, very bold and daring to ask for our finest men in the whole Skarde for dealing with Karta in Rota. It appears that he intends to finish Karta for once and for all.”

“He would gain many favor and better reputation should he manage to take care of Karta.”

“However, our finest men are also our most unruly, I don’t really think Mose is capable of making them under his command.” This particular son of his was ambitious and especially dangerous with the support of the Ran family. He encouraged this trait in all of his sons, but he wasn’t particularly fond of the Rans and didn’t want of Ran blood to succeed him in the throne. Regardless, he wanted to see how well those Ran princes would manage if he would grant them their request.

“Send forty men of the royal army. Send the finest and the unruliest of them,” the Argo king smirked at this, “I want to see how Mose would manage them.”

“Any response should I write to them?” His advisor nodded obediently. 

“Tell Mose and Mulla that if within the week upon their arrival there is no progress, I would send Yapha in their stead, along with his men.”

There was a slight pause from the dark-haired man, as though knowing the risk the King had taken by mentioning the current Crown Prince. Sending Prince Yapha might possibly be their hidden intention by asking for assistance, but at the same time, should Yapha rise to the occasion, his position would be greatly strengthened and would no longer be questioned. Sibling rivalry for succession was common occurrence in Skardean history, and at times was purposefully set up in order to put up the best in the throne. Because of this, Mamere didn’t hesitate in encouraging any of his sons’ attempts to bolster their position, regardless of his preference. His favored son must be able to prove his worth in order to succeed his throne.

This certainly would be an interesting few weeks, Mamere thought to himself with a smile on his face.

*

*

*

“I don’t quite understand the continued conflict regarding Rota.”

Theodora had heard what was happening at the borders, or specifically at Rota and to satisfy her curiosity she had looked up for related titles regarding Rota and its history in the library. She had been sitting in the gazebo in the middle of the library garden with book on her lap and others stacked either in front of her or on the floor while her back was against one of the pillars. Shilla was sitting against the pillar as opposed to her. He had his own books nearby, while he had a piece of parchment on his lap and a feather quill in his hand.

Her belly was growing larger and it was getting harder to keep it bound and to give the impression of flat abdomen in her regular dresses. Regardless, Theodora kept up making appearance around the palace that enough of the courtiers would not notice anything amiss. Having the support of Shilla and the Queen made it possible to deceive the court. Without them, Theodora couldn’t have last any longer. It also helped that the court was currently distracted with the incident in Rota that they didn’t pay attention on her too much.

“What do you know about Rota?” Shilla looked up from his parchment to the princess, giving her his full attention.

“It is a small area at the southwest border of Skarde. It used to be a part of Karta kingdom, but due to long drought and famine, the Kartans abandoned the land. Years later, Skardeans occupied the land and not only they managed to revive the land they also discovered considerable wealth within their mountainous area, which include precious metals and gems.”

“You are correct.” Shilla had been impressed how quickly Princess Theodora grasped the history of Skarde when he first became her conversation partner. Her knowledge of Skarde was already on par with Skardeans themselves; her only lack was her understanding of Skarde and Skardeans, which she was trying to do through their discussions and her insight more than once astounded him. She could provide different insight that hadn’t occurred to him or any other Skardeans until she brought it up. She also made apt comparison between the three kingdoms, though he wondered where the knowledge came from.

Shilla considered himself a scholarly prince, and he thought that he had known enough of his kingdom and his people, but at times, he found himself woefully inadequate compared to the young princess. She had such a clear sight that he was rather envious of, but suited her really well that he couldn’t begrudge her for it. That was why he wasn’t surprised at the conclusion she came to.

“Would it be wrong for me to conclude that this merely a matter of having complete possession of the wealth of the land instead of a matter of geography or culture?”

“No, it wouldn’t be wrong, Your Highness,” Shilla smiled in approval, “Skarde is of vast land and of numerous people living on it, especially compared to Karta. We need Rota, as much as Rota needs us.”

“Because Rota is occupied by Skardeans.”

“As it has been for more than a century.”

“However, Karta still has strong claim on the land.”

“Because of our previous King’s foolish mistake.”

“King Reinar. He wasn’t exactly known for his diplomacy skills.”

“That he was not.”                                                             

Then there was silence. Theodora liked that the silence between them was never uncomfortable. They were both content to let the silence linger instead of filling it with chatter. She smiled a little at this, but then her mind returned to the issue of Rota.

“But the longer this goes on, the more waste it is to either Skarde or Karta’s resources.”

“I couldn’t agree more with you, Your Highness,” Shilla let out a sigh. “That’s why if anyone manage to keep Karta from attacking the borders longer than three years, it would be considered a great achievement.”

“No one manages to do so? Even the King?”

“Especially the King, because he has more restrictions with his position.” Shilla confirmed, and he could the frown on her features as Theodora considered this fact.

“Then why the crown prince is not sent to the borders in the King’s stead? Should not it be his right?” Always asked the right questions, Shilla noted with amusement. However, before he could respond, he was interrupted by the presence of none other than the crown prince himself.

“Brother Yapha,” Shilla remarked in surprise as both the fair-haired prince and light-haired princess turned towards the unexpected arrival. Theodora dipped her head while avoiding his sharp-eyed gaze, remembering his words from before.

“The King summons you.”

“Surely His Majesty not…?” Shilla’s brow furrowed in confusion, the King rarely required his presence, unless it was related to his brother. Coming to a realization, he looked at his brother and found the wordless confirmation what might the King had need of him. His eyes flicked between his brother and his wife, not quite certain whether to leave them both alone. Theodora clearly still felt uncomfortable in Yapha’s presence, but there was no one else could be entrusted with her safety.

“My apologies, Your Highness. Our time must be cut short,” Shilla bowed apologetically to his companion.

“It is alright,” Theodora smiled comfortingly, “Do not let His Majesty wait.”

“I shall take my leave then, Your Highnesses.”

Tense silence fell in the gazebo the moment Shilla left them. Theodora was at loss what to do. This would be her third time she was in the presence of the prince with both of them with sound mind and unlike the last time, she had nothing to speak with him.

“I shall return to my quarters,” Theodora rose to her feet, deciding to cut her time short instead of spending prolonged time in her husband’s presence. She already gestured towards her ladies to collect her books and also for them to tell Shilla’s grooms to collect their master’s.

“Then I shall walk you back.”

Theodora was about to protest, but she didn’t have any valid reason to refuse his company.

“Very well. Please lead the way,” Theodora relented, falling in step right beside him just like in their wedding day. It appeared to Theodora that Yapha took them through rarely used hallway because they didn’t encounter a single courtier on their way which made Theodora a bit at ease. She glanced at the silent man beside her before returning her attention to their walk back to her quarters.

Theodora didn’t want to feel uncomfortable around the prince; after all he was her husband and the father of the child in her womb. But she was always reminded of that night. She couldn’t forget how he had touched her and taken away her virginity, but she also couldn’t forget the look on his face, before it turned into desperation and hunger. The sadness, the longing, the regret… It was heartbreaking to see. She wondered whether her mother felt the same when her father took her when he was seeing someone else in her place. It would be easier if she also saw someone else when she looked at the prince. They were similar in appearance in a glance, he and Leonard Vaida, but there was an edge, a hardness in Yapha that wasn’t seen in the Vaida, maybe because of his upbringing in the harsh court of Skarde compared to peaceful court of Ramira.

Theodora’s steps nearly faltered when she realized whom she had been thinking. She hadn’t been thinking of the Ramiran noble since she discovered her pregnancy, nor the thought of him had crossed her mind. She had thought that he might be her first love, but could it be she merely loved the idea of him? After all, they barely exchange any word. Before she could pursue the line of thought, Yapha suddenly spoke up.

“I overheard your discussion with Shilla.”

“Oh,” Theodora responded eloquently, this time her steps truly faltered.

“Do you think I should go to the borders to resolve the Rota matter in the King’s stead?” This kind of discussion would be normal if her partner was Shilla, but this was the crown prince himself, and she didn’t know how well he would take her opinions. She blinked absently few times, both of them had stopped in the middle of the hallway. Theodora was thinking how to respond best when she recalled the curious tone in his voice.

“Would you like to?” Instead she found herself responding with another question, and this time, Yapha looked her way. His expression was still unreadable, but less guarded than usual.

“Would it matter?”

“Your Highness doesn’t strike me as someone who is content to do nothing while there’s something to do,” Theodora spoke honestly, this was a trait she noticed in Leonard Vaida, that was why she could recognize it in Yapha.

“If you wish to go, then nothing should stop you,” Theodora stopped at this, eyes widening in realization, so she added, “Not even my condition.”

“Soon you cannot conceal your pregnancy any longer.”

“I’m very much aware, Your Highness,” Theodora picked up the pace this time; Yapha fell into step with her. This time Theodora could decipher his silence as waiting for her answer.

“You have no love for the court,” was the words that came to her. “Yet you are restrained here.” Theodora chose the word restrain deliberately, as though it was not his choice to remain at court.

“I could understand that,” Theodora had no love for court, neither in Anatoria nor in Skarde. “I could not make you stay. Your Highness has your duty as a prince of this kingdom to serve to the best of your ability.” They had reached her quarters, while the prince stopped, Theodora took a step forward. She turned to face Prince Yapha.

“Your duty is not to me. Your duty is not to the King, not to the kingdom,” she could see that her statement caught him off guard, “Your duty is to this land where you intend to live and to die, and to its people whom you cherished.”

Theodora could see her words struck deep into him. It was a wild guess from trying to understand Yapha from those who knew him best and knew him least. He always performed his duties admirably, regardless of his lack of ambition compared to other princes. He willingly went into battles to defend his land’s honor and would be the first to raise his sword against the enemies. He was popular among the people because he reached out to them. He walked among them and spoke to them. He didn’t forget where he came from; his mother had been a commoner before the King raised her in order to make her his wife.

He was a good man.

He made mistakes, but who didn’t?

Theodora wouldn’t hold him back. She dipped into a light curtsey and didn’t look back when she entered her quarters.

*

*

*

Theodora was having tea with Queen Asitasivi when the news came in form of the queen's chief lady-in-waiting bursting into the chamber.

“Darya! I have expected better from you!” The Queen scolded her long-serving lady at the interruption.

“Forgive me Your Majesty, but I have caught news that the Prince Yapha was to leave for the borders tomorrow.”

“What?!” The queen nearly stood up in her surprise, while Theodora was much calmer in receiving the news and instead, tried to keep the older woman from falling from her perch. “How can this happen?”

“I heard that the crown prince came to the King himself to be sent to the borders, seeing how the situation went out of control despite the presence of two royal princes.” Theodora went still at this, but the queen failed to notice, so absorbed in her surprise at the situation.

“What? Why would he leave when his wife needs him more?” Asitasivi's tone was incredulous. “Yapha must be out of his mind. I'll speak to him.” The queen stood up and would march towards the Crown Prince's quarters if it weren't for Theodora who stepped in front of her.

“Don't worry Theodora. He'll change his mind,” Asitasivi waved her hand, thinking that the princess was worried that she couldn't change her husband's mind.

“Your Majesty, let him go.” Asitasivi found herself surprised once again, looking at the princess with wide eyes.

“What do you mean 'let him go'? Don't you know what happens if he leaves?”

“The King and my brother the King would step in and provide the protection I need. I don't think Prince Yapha would leave without assigning some of his best men and Prince Shilla in his stead.” The answer was so calm and rational that Asitasivi found herself reevaluating her reaction, and the princess' reaction.

“You knew this would happen?”

“I was the one who told him to go.” Her answer rendered Queen Asitasivi completely speechless.

“Why would you tell him such thing?”

“He is not happy here.” Theodora noticed how Yapha never smiled, even when he did, it was only around people he trusted and there were shadows in his eyes. Whenever he had a chance to get out of the palace or to simply get away from his duties as a prince, he took it without hesitation. “But as a Crown Prince, he is not allowed to leave the palace. This is his only opportunity to leave the palace and do what he does best, to fight for his people.”

“I don't understand...” Asitasivi truly didn't understand why it would be more important than her and her child's safety.

“Your Majesty, the longer he stayed, the worse it would be for him. He had all of his choices taken away from him. I don't want to be another one who take the choice away from him. It's the best for both of us.” Theodora spoke gently and imploringly,  “Please let him go.”

Queen Asitasivi didn't know what to say, or if there was anything to say in this instance. What would be the right thing to say to someone who willingly compromised her own well being for the sake of others'?

*

*

*

Theodora had no intention of seeing the prince off on his campaign, despite knowing that it was her duty as his wife. She wasn't sure whether the prince wanted to see her before he left, and she didn't want to remind him of her condition and made him rethink his decision to settle the dispute at the borders. She wouldn't make the prince feel that he made a wrong choice if she could. However, she couldn't help but notice the commotion at the prince's preparation that didn't recede as the hours of his leaving were approaching. The court was buzzing alive with speculation at this, she made sure that her ladies caught every one of them from the best to the worst, from the closest and farthest from the truth simply out of curiosity.

She intended to take a walk around the palace through the rarely used hallways, avoiding the places where the most avid gossipers among the courtiers usually gathered. Patra, the crown prince's personal physician and now had become hers, had encouraged her to take walks as often as she could, as it would be beneficial for her health and for easier delivery. More often than not he came along with her and her ladies, only when they were out of prying eyes and ears of court, like a guard than a physician. Her impression was proven correct as the man confirmed that he used to serve Prince Yapha as his lieutenant and physician for him and his men. However, he suffered a debilitating injury that rendered his left leg almost useless. He had been willing to resign from his post, but the prince refused to let him go and instead assigned him as his personal physician. Seeing the pride and reverence as the man spoke of the prince, and the straightforward yet tactful manner he expressed himself, the nonchalance air of which surrounded him, Theodora wasn't surprised why Patra was counted among those whom Prince Yapha trusted. She found it easy to place her trust in him.

It also helped that Patra didn't mind to share what he knew of the prince and of his experience while serving under the prince. Patra was currently telling her what he knew of current situation in Rota and what might be the prince's approach to establish order in the borders when they heard the sounds of marching men and horses, and chatters of gathering courtiers.

“Is it time already?”

“Would you like to see, Your Highness?” Patra aptly asked whether she would like to see the prince, instead of seeing him off. It seemed that Prince Yapha surrounded himself with sharp people, which should not surprise her.

“I don't think I should be seen.” Theodora shook her head.

“I know a place where Your Highness can observe without being seen, if you wish,” Patra suggested, making Theodora hesitate and think back and forth of the harm it might cause.

“Please lead the way,” Theodora gestured for the man to show the place. Patra nodded in acquiesce, leading the way.

The place was near the top of the palace, near the stairs towards the towers, with wide windows and large openings between wooden bars, which gave the full view of front yard of the palace. It was also well hidden, to her satisfaction, no courtiers would stumble upon her and her entourage by accident and no one in the front yard below then would catch sight of her. Slowly and carefully she walked to the ledge and pressed her palm on the wooden bars as she peered through the openings, Patra at her side and her ladies behind her, keeping their respectful distance.

There was quite a crowd, to her suprise, not only the King and Queen came to see the prince them off, a good number of influential courtiers also made their appearance. She recognized quite many of them, which meant she was getting better in knowing the courtiers of Skarde. She could easily make out Shilla's figure among those who stood at the front of the crowd and dark-haired figure of Lady Sietha beside him. Shilla did mention they were good friends and she had been rather close to Prince Yapha during her tenure as Lady Haisha's lady-in-waiting, so she was not too surprised to see her there. Then she saw the crowd's attention seemed to be centered on one figure which was riding on a horse. Right before the Majesties, the figure descended from his mount, followed by the others and gave proper greetings to the royal couple.

When she had a good look on the face of the figure, Theodora could barely recognize the Crown Prince. Before his features were tight and shadowed, his eyes were lost and haunted, but now his features were calm and poised, his eyes were filled with purpose and determination. If she thought he was handsome then, he was striking now. Even from the distance, she could see the grace and confidence he carried himself, the strength and agility in his lean figure, the vibrancy and sharpness in his gaze and the commanding presence that ensured none of them looked away from him. She had no doubt he was seeing the Prince of Wind she had heard often, and she could hardly believe that this was the man that was her husband and the father of her child. At the thought of her child, her other hand went to the slight swell on her abdomen.

She remained on the same position, one of her hand on the window, the other on her abdomen, standing at the window, watching the procession below silently. The only sounds came from the marching men and the crowd that was seeing them off. Prince Yapha was at the head of the procession, sitting regally on his mount, his back straight, his gaze forward as he passed under her current position. However, an odd thing happened, when he was nearly out of her sight, he turned his head.

And dark grey eyes found clear blue eyes.

So surprised she was, Theodora stepped away quickly from the window as though burned, her eyes wide.

“Your Highness?” Patra asked with slight alarm at her reaction. Theodora hesitantly stepped forward to reclaim her previous position, but found that the prince had his gaze forward, no sign that he had been looking in her direction. She shook her head, it must be an accident, he couldn't have known she was here.

“It's nothing, Patra,” she assured him with a smile, wondering whether it was merely her imagination.

*

*

*

She found herself awake once again, despite the weariness that regularly came over her since her pregnancy reached the fifth month. The child within her had started moving and kicking since, showing signs of life, which comforted her despite the discomfort that often made her stop at times or rouse from her sleep like tonight. She had gone to bed early as there weren’t much to do and she no longer had the freedom to walk around the palace.

She was clearly showing, her pregnancy could no longer be hidden from the prying ears and eyes of the court. King Mamere and her brother the King must be already informed of her condition, though she didn’t know how they would react to the news with the Prince away in a campaign, instead of remaining by his wife’s side. She sincerely wished she didn’t bring him any trouble with her decision to conceal her pregnancy and pushed him to go to a campaign instead to do what was expected of him.

She slid under the coverlet and carefully lowered herself on the floor, ignoring the sandals near her feet. The cool tiles were such a welcome to her rather heated body, Patra told her that expecting mothers tended to have higher temperature, more likely due to the child in them. However, he also warned her in his kind way not to be exposed to the cold too much, as much as she might crave it in her condition. She could catch any illness, and it would be dangerous as she was approaching the due date. So she picked up a shawl close by, thanks to the ever mindful chief lady-in-waiting and wrapped herself in the soft fabric as she padded quietly towards cushioned crook near the window, trying not to wake up her ladies outside her bedchamber and alert her guards, which would alert her ever vigilant physician who would readily come to offer his assistance.

Really… She couldn’t seem to have some time alone to herself with them always at attention, ready to attend to her every need. Even during the days in Anatoria when her father was still alive and doting her, she wasn’t even this protected. A little spoiled, maybe, because her ladies were easy to persuade, but they were comparably few and less aware of her status as the daughter of Ruthen Tore, or in this case, sister of King Scotty. Thus, she gratefully took the opportunity to have some time on her own, even though her rest was disrupted.

She settled herself as comfortably as possible with her swelling abdomen and reached for the basket where the unfinished baby clothes were. When she asked for the materials and told her what her need was, Posya immediately protested that she didn’t need to make the child’s clothes, that there were the palace’s tailors to do it for her and besides, the needles might harm her and her child. It took quite an argument, and finally a great amount of pleading for Posya to relent. She could have just ordered the older lady to obey, but it was not in her nature, despite Posya’s eternal protestations. There might come a time where she would be less reluctant to use her authority, but the time would not be now.

She took the last one she made and continued the embroidery she made on the clothes, a familiar pattern she once saw Queen Bii made on the clothes for her own child and enthusiastically taught her once she saw her companion interested in it. She could remember the beautiful Queen’s voice as she instructed her which shapes took form, where to start and to end, what possible variations there were. Then she remembered doing the patterns with Lady Rara, who appeared to learn this certain pattern together with the Queen when she was young. She could remember the easy companionship and warm exchange as they spoke over their work.

She couldn’t help but imagine if they were here with her, talking about children. They all shared the same love towards children and shared the same wish of having one of their own. She could imagine Queen Bii gushing over her toddler, Lady Rara sharing some tips of child rearing and she listening to the advice both gave to her as she was expecting herself. The thought of them brought warm feelings to her heart, bringing soft smile to her lips. In the solitude, with those happy thoughts as her sole companions, she found herself relaxing, feeling content and peaceful.

She was bringing the end result of her handiwork up for inspection with the aid of the moonlight when she just realized that she wasn’t alone. A familiar figure was standing silently at the doorway, almost blending in with the shadows. Her husband. Prince Yapha.

“Your Highness!” She couldn’t hide her surprise at his presence, when he was supposed to be away in the borders. She had been given the privilege not to curtsey in his presence, but she couldn’t quite manage the deeply ingrained habit. She was about to drop the finished clothes and needles into the basket and stand up from the sitting position to greet him properly when he raised his hand,

“Stay as you are.” She found herself unconsciously abiding to his words, as quietly spoken they were. Then as silently as he appeared, Yapha threaded towards her place near the window. As the moonlight fell upon him, Theodora knew that he was real, that he was really here. He inclined his head slightly, towards the empty space in front of her, “May I?”

“…Please.” Her response came a little slow.

Their encounters were rare and in between, she could even count them in one of her hands. In those encounters, she could always remember the slight hostility, but most of all, distance. Neither of them tried to be closer to the other. Both kept their distance from one another, either literally or figuratively. His attempt to keep his distance was obvious, especially after he found out that she was with his child. The brief meeting of their eyes when she saw him leaving didn’t count. It might be only an accident. Nevertheless, the sudden lack of distance was unexpected, and the initiative came from him.

This was the first.

Theodora didn’t quite know what to make of it, but she felt a bit nervous. She kept her gaze down, her last experience in meeting his gaze made her uncomfortable. Her hand unconsciously went over her stomach, absently rubbing her abdomen as she derived comfort from her child. As though responding to her, she could feel a gentle flutter within her womb, which brought an affectionate smile to her features. Feeling braver, she raised her gaze up to his, ignoring how those dark eyes seemed to bore into her.

“I didn’t know you’ve returned, Your Highness.” Theodora started.

“The King wanted direct report of the situation at the borders. I’ll be leaving for the borders in the morning.”

“Ah, I see. Then shouldn’t you be resting by now?” The prince might be used to less sleep in much less comfortable situations, but it didn’t mean he shouldn’t rest when he had the opportunity to do so. She had learned this from Patra who had shared with her the stories during his time serving the Prince as his lieutenant

“Shouldn’t you?” Instead Yapha directed the question back at her, surprising her.

“He’s getting restless lately,” Theodora smiled slightly as she explained further. “Sometimes he wakes me up at night.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but she didn’t think he would like to know how she enjoyed this quiet solitude that only the night could bring.

“Patra told me that this was normal and a good sign. It shows that he’s a strong and healthy child.” For that, she was truly glad. She didn’t mind losing her sleep and feeling uncomfortable for every movement he made within her, as long as it meant that he was well. “Patra reminded me to take some naps though. Anna makes sure of this.” Her previous chief lady-in-waiting became as strict as Posya as the elder lady was recovering from her wounds, which perplexed her at first.

“That’s good.” She thought she could hear approval in the tone of his voice and something else akin to relief, though she might be just imagining it. Then silence came again between them, both sides didn’t quite know what to say.

Yapha’s gaze fell upon the basket between them. He picked up the last one she made, the one with Ramiran pattern she had been inspecting when she noticed him.

“You made all of these?” His tone was openly curious this time, though his face remained neutral. She could understand his curiosity; sewing skills were not a common knowledge taught to noblewomen, or princesses, since they didn’t have any need to make or fix their own clothes. However, she wasn’t born princess and hadn’t been truly raised as one, despite all the treatment she received due to her father.

“Yes. It helps me to pass time.” As she watched him eyeing her handiwork critically, she continued, “I know it’s not much.” And might not fit a prince. “But I’d like him to wear them at least once. Gifts could be bought, but not many could have meaning. I…” She stopped, unsure whether to speak it out loud, but expectant eyes made her continue.

“I always want to make the clothes by myself when I have a child of my own.” Just like beautiful Queen Bii whose fingers more than once got pricked by needle as she made the clothes for her unborn child eagerly. Just like Lady Rara who still fixed the torn clothes from Sibel’s outings by herself. She wanted her child to know how much she cared through such small, significant gestures such as sewing or fixing his clothes by herself.

“…Despite the circumstances?” At this, Theodora was completely caught off guard. Wide blue eyes met sharp dark eyes. The circumstances could mean many things, but those very things might be the ones he wanted the answers of.

The arranged marriage… That night… That night the child was conceived…. The father of the child himself. The situation she found herself in by bearing his child…

His question brought forth every question she had been asking herself ever since she found out of her condition. The questions she had tried to ignore, tried not to answer, but they remained, hovering and lingering at the edges of her thoughts, managing to get through her whenever she started to doubt herself.

She wasn’t happy with the marriage. She didn’t want to get married with a stranger in distant land, a stranger who didn’t want nor love her. She didn’t want to leave her homeland. She didn’t want to get married at all, especially if it meant leaving those who were dear to her with no hope of returning. She didn’t love, let alone _like_ the prince. She scarcely knew him, for all she read and heard of him. She wasn’t ready to be his wife, and yet…

The memories of that night flashed by, carrying the emotions she had felt at that time. She remembered the pain the most, and she found herself muffling a cry, biting her lips and using her hand to prevent any sound from escaping. The discomfort and the helplessness she could ignore, but not the pain. She tried to hold back the tears from coming by forcing herself to take deep breaths. It would do no good for both of them, for all of them if she was to break down.

“Princess…” The voice broke through her stupor, forcing her to turn sharply towards the source and found concerned dark eyes of her husband. The façade had been broken, not only concern, he could see sadness, remorse and such anger and hatred for himself that made her forget of the jumbled mess that was her emotions. His hand was slightly outstretched as though he wanted to reach out to her, but he pulled it back. His hands were clenched so tightly that they turned white.

“I’m sorry… It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have let it happen to you.”

The apology was so unexpected that Theodora was at loss for words.

“Just… Just forget what I said.” The prince made a move to leave, refusing to look at her anymore. The atmosphere that was previously comfortable enough between them had turned uncomfortable. However, Theodora had a feeling that this shouldn’t, couldn’t be left alone. She couldn’t just let him leave like this when she felt that they could have reached an understanding, if they could just let each other in, if they could see pass the misunderstandings they had. She tried to pull herself up and stand, but her condition made it difficult. When she managed to, the prince was already at the doorway.

“A child is a blessing, whatever the circumstances are,” her voice rang loudly and clearly in the silence, stopping him in his tracks. Finally getting his attention, she paused briefly, choosing her words carefully.

“Circumstances… are just circumstances, if we let them be.” It wouldn’t matter, if we didn’t make it matter. “If we don’t let them taint what we have, what we _could_ have.”

Theodora believed that even if they didn’t love each other, they could at least be amiable to each other. They could learn to trust and respect each other and raise the child together. She believed that Yapha was the one she could trust the most in this place. Because despite his own feelings and misgivings, he still protected her… cared for her, which was more than she could ask for. His regretful and guilty expression, his apology… were the evidence of this. If only she could make him understand.

For a moment there was no response, both remained unmoving: she by the window, looking at her husband’s figure, he at the doorway, having his back towards his wife.

“The King has offered more of his men for your protection. They would arrive in the morning. Make sure your General knows.”

She pursed her lips, trying to hold back her disappointment, but the most prominent feeling she felt was sadness. Was the prince so hurt and damaged that he was unable to trust her? Would he ever be able to?

“I will.” She answered and then added when she saw him move to leave, “Please return safely.”

At those words, he stopped in mid-step, his broad back tensed in surprise. Theodora could only smile sadly; did he really think that she didn’t care about him?

“Stay safe” were his only response.

There a brief pause before he finally left until Theodora couldn’t see his figure anymore. In that briefest moment, she felt that there was more he wanted to say, but she couldn’t really figure what it would be.

Yapha could only clench his hand as he left the princess’ chambers; the words unspoken remained at the tip of his tongue.

_For me._

He knew he had no rights to ask such thing from her, when he had done nothing for her. However, in the deepest recesses of his heart, he truly wished for her safety, more than anything else and wished it would be enough.

*

*

*

“Prince Yapha is in the palace?” Sietha looked surprised at this. She had been visiting Prince Shilla when he vaguely implied by saying that the King had firsthand report from the Crown Prince himself.

“He was. He already left for the borders this morning.” Prince Shilla shared the news casually, having been friends with the dark-haired woman since her arrival in the palace.

“How come no one knows this?” Sietha frowned; she prided herself in knowing the latest information at court, especially when it was related to her late cousin’s husband.

“Brother didn’t intend to let anyone know. I only knew because he came to me.” Shilla answered as he rearranged the scrolls on his desk.

“What for?”

“Just discussing some matters,” Shilla said lightly to the Ran lady. Sietha raised her elegant eyebrow, waiting for the prince to elaborate, but no response was forthcoming, so she decided to let it go.

“So, you’re the only one who was aware of his presence, besides the King?”

“I don’t know, maybe the princess.” Shilla answered absently, frowning at something in the parchment he was reading.

“Princess Theodora?” That certainly caught her interest.

“You should ask her, if you’re so curious.”

“Is that your ploy to make me visit to the princess?” Sietha huffed in exasperation, giving her back towards Shilla.

“Why shouldn’t you? Have you given your congratulations yet?” Shilla couldn’t hide his smile at the childish antique from the usually meticulous woman.

“Congratulations huh…So she’s really with child.” However, her tone quickly caught Shilla’s interest and made him turn towards the dark-haired woman to see her expression.

“Why do you sound so skeptical?”

Sietha finally turned to look at him; the previous lightness in her expression was gone. For once, her face was unreadable, and knowing Sietha, Shilla was aware it wasn’t a good thing.

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not your brother’s mistress.”

That completely took him off guard; Sietha was the only woman that was seen close to Yapha after Haisha’s death, frequently enough that all courtiers assumed that he had taken his wife’s previous lady-in-waiting as his mistress. During Yapha’s marriage to Haisha, she had stood out among the rest with her sharp tongue and blunt words, which were such a contrast to well-mannered Haisha. She managed to amuse him, to amuse the prince who was all too often had people who scrambled for his favor and threw themselves on his feet.

It was for this same reason he came to befriend the Ran mistress and knew her well enough to know her feelings towards his brother. It had occurred to him that if there was anyone his brother would turn to after Haisha, it would be Sietha. But in hindsight, Shilla should have known better that his brother would avoid any kind of relationship with any woman after Haisha.

“Both you and I know that he has no interest in women after Haisha. So you can understand my surprise how the Princess could actually be with child.” From his sharp observation, Shilla could catch the faint undertone of anger and jealousy beneath her words, but kept his face neutral as he continued the conversation as though he noticed nothing.

“Are you implying the child is not brother’s?” Shilla managed to keep his tone casual, not betraying the sharpness of his words.

“That would explain why His Highness is away on a campaign instead of by his wife’s side.”

“Do you realize that you’re insulting brother’s intelligence that he would allow himself to be cuckolded?” Shilla raised an eyebrow at this, carefully concealing his anger and disdain at this especially knowing Yapha would have stayed were the princess asked him to, and knowing the princess who let him go despite wanting to have him by her side through the pregnancy.

“Oh Shilla, you know better than anyone else that would be the last thing I would do,” Sietha said this in flirtatious manner that would placate any other man, “I’d say your brother see opportunity once he sees one. He must be under great pressure from both kings to provide an heir with Skarde and Anatoria blood. He wouldn’t fail to see the merits of having the princess pregnant so soon, let alone if she manages to borne a healthy prince. He would be freed from further obligation to the Tore princess.”

“He would be setting a pretender on the throne.” As much as the conversation disgusted him, Shilla needed to know more, because if the thought had occurred to Sietha, she would likely not be the only courtier who had these thoughts and probably shared them with others.

“That wouldn’t be the first in the history of Skarde.” Sietha merely raised an elegantly-shaped eyebrow at this in a challenge.

To everyone who knew the history of Skarde, the succession was rarely a peaceful transition from the King to the Prince; their current King was the prime example of this. It was suspected that the reason for him ridding the previous King with such haste despite being the strongest candidate to the throne that because he was not of his blood. It was mere rumors of course, with no proof to support them, but since lies and deceit were thick in their blood, such things were not to be dismissed easily. In other kingdoms, maybe those small and peaceful kingdoms such were Ramira and Corshika, such things were close to impossible, but in Skarde, nothing was impossible. Being the prince of Skarde, young he was, Shilla knew this well, that was why he said nothing in response.

“You’re also implying that the Princess is willing to lay with anyone to bear a child of Anatoria and Skarde.”

“Well, she _is_ a Tore. I wouldn’t put it pass her to go to such lengths.” The indifference of which Sietha spoke of the Princess’ reputation was the last straw to the young prince’s patience. Were Sietha bothered to look at Shilla, she would be chilled to the core to see such thunderous expression upon the usually calm face.

“And Haisha was a Ran. You and I know how the Rans are.”

Sietha stiffened at the veiled insult towards her and her family. Instinctively she raised her chin defiantly to lash at the insolence only to realize the look his companion wore too late.

“Just because of Haisha, do not expect me or my brother to forget the true nature of the Rans, Lady Sietha of Ran. If anything, her death is merely a reminder to that.”

His brother never told him what happened that fateful day, but by an ironic twist of fate, he knew that the Rans were involved. Sietha might not know anything about what happened that day, but she was by no means a fool, she was capable to reach the same conclusion, that her family was ultimately involved.

For the very first time in their long acquaintance Sietha felt fear in the presence of the youngest prince. He had been so unlike his half-brothers with his pleasant demeanor that sometimes she forgot that the same Argo blood run in his veins. Considering his close relationship with Yapha, she should have known that his brother was the one thing that would bring out the Skardean prince in him.

“I’d hold your tongue if I were you. There’s no need for such groundless rumors around the court, don’t you think?” The prince’s expression and tone remained congenial but Sietha could hear the underlying threat beneath the words. With the princess, she could ignore the sentiment, but with the sixth prince, she dared not. Everything she had known about Shilla seemed to be turned upside down and she couldn’t really tell anymore where she stood with him. Despite all of this uncertainty, the dark-haired woman’s face betrayed nothing.

“Why, you think so little of me, my prince. Why would I partake in any lies that might tarnish Prince Yapha and Princess Theodora’s reputation?”

“Well, I’m afraid I cannot be so sure anymore.” With those words, Shilla had summed everything that changed between them and known that they could no longer be the friends that they were before. He had made his choice and he would stand by it, even it would mean losing one of his friends.

“Then that makes both of us.” Sietha realized that there was no salvaging their friendship. It was no simple matter of offense against his brother for him or against her family for her, but it was much deeper matter of trust, which they thought they had after years of friendship, only to find they were nowhere to be found on the things that mattered most.

In mere moments, their friendship was no more.


	7. Chapter 7

The peaceful silence in the forest of Skarde was suddenly broken with the sounds of hooves against the ground as the horses rushed past the scattered branches of leaves, dirt flying everywhere in their wake. Among them, one of the horses was riding ahead in a good distance away from the others, its rider urging his horse to go faster towards his destination. As the group came out to the main road which led to the palace, it became clear who the riders were with the royal arms they bore on their person. On the lead was the crown prince himself, holding tight of his reins as he urged his loyal ride to hasten the pace with the barest flick of his ankle against the stallion’s side, his companions struggling to follow their prince while maintaining their protective formation. 

Within a short time they covered the distance to the palace as the gates immediately loomed into sight. The guards were alarmed at first with the sudden appearance of the riders and would assume defense if the watcher above them didn’t recognize the dark-haired prince. Seeing that Prince Yapha wasn’t to slow down, the guards scrambled to open the gates for him and his men. Only when he set his sights upon the familiar figure of his fair brother in the courtyard, did Yapha brought his horse to a halt. 

“Brother!” Yapha addressed Shilla as he swiftly swung down from his horse, ignoring the stable boy who hastened to take the reins of the mighty stallion, his full attention on his younger brother. 

“Brother,” in contrast of his brother, Shilla greeted Yapha with a polite bow, though the sharp-eyed Yapha didn’t notice the stiffness in the sixth prince’s movement. He held his tongue though, only the frown on his face that gave away his suspicions, knowing that they were too exposed in the palace’s courtyard. There were too many eyes and ears of the Court. His sudden arrival would have already sent the court buzzing; there was no need to give them anything else.

“Leave us be,” Yapha told his men who nodded in acquiesce, understanding the unspoken orders to quietly guard the princes in the shadows. Yapha turned to walk towards the direction of the inner palace, Shilla wordlessly followed, leaving the open courtyard. The moment they stepped into the wide hallways, Yapha fell in step with his most trusted brother. 

“I received your message,” Yapha spoke up, not bothering to wait and noticing that his brother wouldn’t speak up unless he was the one who made the initiative. “Along with the message to Zian that the message was to be delivered to me upon his discretion, which was _three months_ after the message was received.” Shilla didn’t fail to notice the accusation in his tone and he could not fault his brother for it. He had been aware of the consequences when he made the decision together with the Queen. 

“We thought it would be unwise to distract you while you were dealing with the Kartans.” Shilla answered carefully. “Even if you were to return immediately, there was nothing you could do.”

At these words, Yapha’s steady, brisk steps faltered sharply as though he had been landed a blow. Shilla inwardly winced at the reaction from his brother, knowing that his words caused him pain, but could not think of better way to make his brother see reason in this kind of mood. He had known his older brother well enough to recognize the signs. He couldn’t risk losing his brother again, the way he nearly lost him to the death of Haisha and Rhonda, not when his young wife and son were still alive and very much in need of him. He would be cruel and heartless if he needed to be for his brother.

“What happened?” His brother’s voice was soft as he asked this. Yapha seemed to regain his bearings after several moments of silence where they were spent between the two of them as they walked through the familiar hallways of the palace towards the crown prince’s quarters.

“They made their move during the change of guards, and right when the King was in need of his men. General Baran’s men managed to react quickly, but their numbers were greater than we could expect. Patra took the princess with him as the general and I acted as a diversion. However, some of them managed to slip past our guard and follow the princess, but with the princess’ condition, they didn’t get far, the assassins caught up to them. Patra and the men with him were forced to fight against them. One of them had a poisoned blade.” Shilla hesitantly continued, “Of which he wounded the princess with.”

“What poison did he use?”

“Belaruna.”

Though his steps remained steady, there was no mistaking the tenseness at the set of his jaw and his shoulders. His brother’s hands were clenched so tightly that Shilla wouldn’t be surprised if the nails were digging into the skin, drawing blood, or that when they were within the privacy of the prince’s chambers, Yapha would go into a rage. The first attempt on the princess was only meant to instill fear, not to harm her, but this attempt was clearly meant to kill the princess and her unborn child. Belaruna was certainly the best choice of poison to deliver the desired result.

“Patra had no choice but to have the princess deliver the child. The child would have killed her if the poison didn’t. The labor… was difficult,” both of the men knew that was a grave understatement. Shilla couldn’t forget the wait as he remained outside the bedchamber as Theodora struggled to give birth, the lack of her voice compared to the encouraging voices of Mara and Patra throughout the process told him enough how bad it was.

“The child was born safe and healthy, but the princess lost consciousness soon after and was unable to be roused. Somehow Patra managed to revive her, against all odds. However, it took nearly a week for her to fully regain her consciousness. We waited until then to send out the message to you; the Majesties had agreed to keep it quiet until you returned.”

Yapha released a heavy breath, finding the previous rage replaced with various emotions ranging from relief to regret. He couldn’t be angry anymore at his brother for holding this back from him; he could imagine his own reaction were he to receive the message himself. With Haisha’s death still fresh in his mind, he knew that he would lose whatever semblance of control on his emotions he had. He couldn’t bear to lose another wife and child, regardless his feelings towards the princess he married out of political reasons, especially knowing that it happened because of him and their relation to him.

The two Skardean princes reached the crown prince’s quarters, the guards at the entrance immediately straightened up and ushered them in. Both of them went straight to the privy chamber where Yapha’s loyal chamberlain greeted him.

“Your Highness.”

“Give me and my brother some privacy. Let no one in without my permission.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Respectfully the man bowed to his master and retreated while signaling the grooms to leave the chamber to give the Highnesses the privacy they required. Only when he was certain that they were alone, Yapha slumped into the cushioned chair, not bothering to keep the pretense around his brother. Shilla found himself looking down sadly as he remained standing next to his brother, guilt and regret churning inside him. He didn’t know what he could say to his older brother to make him feel better. For once, his quick mind and eloquent tongue failed him, just like he failed his brother in his time of need. However, he was spared of the awkward yet heavy silence when Rasta came in to the chamber.

“Healer Rudani is requesting an audience with you, Your Highness.” This gained a reaction from both of the princes, recognizing the name of the healer who was entrusted with the princess.

“Let him in.” Yapha barely needed to think to grant him an audience; he intended to summon his former lieutenant either way. Within moments, the man appeared from the entryway, walking with a limp on his right leg. Yapha stood to greet him, when the healer suddenly went down on his knees before him.

“I humbly beg for your forgiveness, Your Highness. I have no excuse for my failure. I would receive whatever punishment I deserve.”

“Then pray tell, how did you fail me?” Yapha had regained his composure with the abrupt admission from Patra. He had not intended to punish him yet, but he was willing to find out why the healer had immediately assumed guilt on his person.

“The princess wouldn’t have been hurt had I not dropped my guard.”

“Explain.”

“Due to the diversion the general and Prince Shilla provided, we managed to get away, but some of them were quick on our trail. They were quick and familiar with the palace, in no time they managed to catch up to us that we had no choice but to fight back with the princess surrounded by her ladies and the men I brought along. The fight was a mess. Not only my men, but also the princess’ ladies were hurt protecting her. In the end, none of those men was left, I had lowered my weapon and reached for the princess, unaware that one of them close by was still alive. He managed to get to her. He missed any vital organs, but he had the sword poisoned.”

“Belaruna.”

“Yes. It took me longer than it should to recognize the poison and when I had removed the sword and relocated the princess to the closest bedchamber; she was already showing signs of bleeding. For a moment, I was at loss, Your Highness. All the option I could think of would lead to her death.” The healer looked ashamed as he admitted this, his hands clenched and unclenched in agitation. “But the princess insisted to save the child. Giving birth to the child was the only option with the likeliest chance for both mother and child to survive. Even though so, between me working on the poison and Mara aiding the labor, we didn’t know if we couldn’t save them both.”

He had only picked up medicine after he was directly assigned by the prince to become his personal healer due to his affinity and aptitude to herbs among the other soldiers in the crown prince’s army. He had learned as much as he could since his debilitating injury, and the skill and knowledge had saved many soldiers and his master’s life several times over, but at that moment, that skill and knowledge had been more a curse than a gift, because every option ended up with the princess dying. In his mind, he already felt that he had failed his prince. But he couldn’t stop trying as bleak and hopeless as it may seem, for the prince he had sworn his life to and for the princess who was unlike any other.

“You saved her.” This time it was Shilla who spoke, his voice quiet and grave, eyes glancing worriedly towards his older brother whose expression was unreadable. Patra had come prepared; he would hide nothing from his prince, even if the price was his own head.

“Not in time. She would eventually recover, but she would never fully regain her previous health. The poison stayed too long in her system. I couldn’t tell how much the damage is, but the damage is done.”

Patra could see the sudden tightening in the prince’s posture and he knew that the news visibly affected him, confirming his own suspicions that Yapha was developing feelings towards the young Tore princess. However, he felt no triumph at this knowledge, only sad and painful knowledge that if Yapha lost Theodora like he lost his mother and wives, there would only be downward spiral for the prince. There was no saving for him. Yapha would be no more.

“...Brother…” Shilla approached his dark-haired brother carefully, wanting to comfort him the best he could, though he knew any comfort would be little help.

“I’d like to see her.”

That wasn’t the answer neither Patra nor Shilla expected, but Patra was quick to regain his bearings.

“The princess is currently in the nursery.” After everything, he kept a tight, even tighter watch to the princess, establishing himself as not only as her main physician, but also her main guardian. The ladies often deferred to him whenever they were in need of advice to better aid their mistress just like they deferred to Posya.

“Take me to her.” Patra scrambled to his feet, and without further questioning, he led the way towards the newly established nursery which wasn’t far away from the princess’ quarters. When they arrived, some of the ladies remained in the outer chamber, most likely to give some semblance of privacy for the princess and they quickly curtsied to the prince when they saw him.

“Is the princess inside?” Yapha asked the ladies.

Darya, one of the Skardean ladies the Queen had appointed for the princess, was the one to answer the prince as she held seniority over the other maids, both Skardean and Anatorian. She was also aware the underlying questions whether he was allowed to see her.

“She is, Your Highness. You may see her.”

Yapha unconsciously let out a relieved breath; he had expected to be turned down. However, a part of him whispered traitorously that she might do so once she saw him. He didn’t let this show on his face and merely followed Darya as she led him to her mistress. When they stepped into the nursery, they were greeted by Anna who gestured wordlessly to keep their silence. Yapha was confused at first, until he saw the princess sitting on the rocking chair by the crib, her eyes were closed.

“The princess fell asleep as she lulled the prince to sleep.” Anna who saw his gaze towards her mistress explained quietly. “She hasn’t fully regained her strength. She gets weary easily.”

Yapha noticed the look of concern both ladies exchanged at this, which assured him to know they truly cared for her well-being, but also alerted him how worrisome her state of health was.

_My fault._

He didn’t quite manage to quell those words that kept repeating themselves since he heard what happened to his young wife and those words became louder as he saw what had become of the princess. Slowly and carefully he approached the sleeping woman, her long tresses fell loosely around her shoulders and back, only held back with a single ribbon, her shawl-protected body leaning towards the crib, and as he came closer, he noticed that she had one of her hands in the crib. His gaze followed her hand where he could see small fingers wrapped around her finger. He took a sharp intake of breath when he realized whose fingers they were.

His son.

Yapha couldn’t help the sudden and unconscious acknowledgement of this small, fragile child as his, when he spent most of his days trying not to think of him after he found out her pregnancy. The resemblance was undeniable: he had the same wild, dark hair, the same features he recognized from himself. Not even Rhonda shared so much resemblance with him. He inherited his dark hair, that was obvious, but everything else, he was all Haisha and he had loved him for that. He didn’t want his son, any of his sons, to have his burden.

The more they were like him, the more others expected them to be like him and that was the last thing he wanted for them. In a way, beyond his grief, he was relieved and grateful for Rhonda’s early death, because it meant he wouldn’t have to suffer his fate by being his son, by having his blood in his veins. He was already fearful for this child’s fate, for his resemblance to him only.

His hand shook as he reached out to the sleeping child but stopped when he saw him stirring and found himself unable to breathe when he saw the clearest blue eyes looking at him. In that moment he knew, he knew with such certainty that those eyes would turn the same shade of blue with his mother. Those eyes that resembled the sky at its brightest, those eyes that were always kind and genuine, those eyes that held unfathomable strength within their depths.

The child gurgled sleepily, his unseeing eyes darted wildly as though he knew who was there, but couldn’t really tell where the person was. His hand that was clutching his mother’s finger tightened while the other reached out blindly. Without thinking, Yapha let his fingers within his son’s reach and was surprised with the firm grip he had on his finger. He felt an overwhelming sense of awe and pride at this child and a rush of feelings that he thought he would never be capable of again.

“Would you like to hold him?” Yapha turned in surprise at the gentle voice. Theodora looked at him with warm and gentle smile. It appeared she had been awake for a while, though the tiredness was still visible on her features.

“I-” Suddenly he felt incredibly uncertain and inadequate, despite the foreign yet familiar desire that flared within him to reach and hold this child in his arms. He had only held a baby once, right after Rhonda’s birth and that was years ago. Theodora seemed to know this; wordlessly she took her child within her arms. The child seemed to recognize his mother, barely moving as he settled in the warm embrace. She stood up slowly and took a step to her husband.

“Here. Just hold out your hands,” she instructed, carefully moving the child to him, “And hold him like this.” Within moments, he had his child in his arms, looking up at him with bright, inquisitive eyes. He struggled at first when he was being moved, but settled just as comfortably as he was in his mother’s arms.

“He recognized you.” Theodora told him with affectionate smile. Yapha found no words to say, caught between the child and the mother whom he didn’t deserve.

“Have you given him a name?” Finally he managed to find his voice. Theodora looked surprised at the question.

“Shouldn’t the father give him a name?” Theodora queried. She had learned that unlike in Anatoria, only the father who had the right to give his children’s name, so she refrained from thinking of names for her child, though some names came up to her.

“That’s the custom. But if you have a name for him, it can be his name.” Yapha told her gently and he knew from the look in her eyes, she had indeed thought of names for him. It was a rarity indeed, for the mother to give her child a name, especially royal children. All the princes and princesses of Skarde were named by the King himself; royal bastards were no exception if they were acknowledged. There was a thoughtful silence before the young princess finally gathered her courage to tell him the name she was thinking of.

“Shani Pretha,” she said softly, “I’d like to name him Shani Pretha.”

Shani… Pretha… Yapha repeated the name in his mind thoughtfully. The only Skardean known with that name was the Peacemaker. Despite the man’s achievements to reach peace settlement between the three kingdoms after years of hostility, to his very own people Shani was considered as a disgrace for trying for peace instead of war which should come to Skarde’s favor when it came down to it. They were prideful men, Skardeans and back then, it was not without reason. Their prowess in battle was renowned throughout the continent, be it in land or in sea. It was from them Ramirans learned seamanship. For them, to settle for peace was a cowardly act. The nobles were slowly divided into those who were for and against the peace settlement, but as they became accustomed to peace, they were divided further, losing sight of their very pride.

Shani himself was a renowned swordsman. He was the epitome of a true Skardean until he became involved in the peace effort. If one were to think objectively, Shani was an odd combination of war and peace, of Skardean pride and true ideals. And Pretha was the Skardean name for the Nothern Star which could be seen in the night sky wherever they might be, be it in Anatoria or Skarde, the Guiding Star it was.

Yapha was still as he mulled this over, over the chosen name of the Anatorian princess for her son. He couldn’t help but wonder whether she was truly aware of the significance of the name. He was about to ask this very question, but stopped himself at the sight of the mother and son. It did not matter, he thought, he couldn’t help but think it was a fitting name for his son when he thought of the hardships he might have to endure.

“Shani Pretha it is.” Theodora looked up at the prince in surprise. “Shani Pretha Argo would be his name from now on.”

The declaration was of few words and a quiet whisper, yet Theodora found a shudder ran through her, in the farthest corner of her mind she saw a vague image of a door slammed shut and the finality of the sound made her ache. Unconsciously she had known right then that her son’s fate had been decided and with her son, so was hers. There was no running away anymore.

“Shani....” Her voice was soft and wistful as she called her son by name for the very first time.

*

*

*

Afterwards, Theodora felt more drained than before despite the brief respite she had taken. Both she and the prince had remained until Shani returned to sleep and it had taken quite a bit to pry off her finger from her son. Her son never ceased to amaze her. He had arrived earlier than expected and considering the circumstances of his delivery, she had worried greatly of his health, but as she spent more time with her son, she was glad to find that her fears were unfounded. It didn’t matter whether she felt easily wearied lately that made awake difficult or whether she often felt sharp pain in her chest that made her breath catch. All of these didn’t register to her, obscured by the torrent of emotions she had of her newborn son.

Thus, it was only until she had taken few steps away from the cradle where Shani was sleeping that she felt the weakness in her limbs and the lightness in her head. She would have fallen over if it wasn’t for strong arms catching her. She blinked few times to clear the sudden haze that came over her only to find concerned dark eyes, which she vaguely recognize as Prince Yapha’s. Then as awareness came back to her, she was abashed to find the position they were in. Yapha had hands on the small of her back and her waist, and somehow her hand found its way on his shoulder, most likely in an attempt to remain upright. She released her hand immediately as though she was stung and tried to keep the distance between them.

“I’m sorry,” Theodora quickly apologized, fearing that she had crossed some sort of boundary between them. Should she look up, she would realize the tightening of his features at the apology. It took an effort for her to remain upright; her legs were wobbling at best. Yapha seemed to notice it, keeping the hand on her back.

“With your permission, I’d like to return to my chambers.” Theodora smiled at the prince, trying to cover the brief moment of weakness.

“It’s no short walk there.” Yapha pointed out. The nursery was within walking distance from the princess’ quarters, and it shouldn’t be much of a walk, were the princess in better condition.

“I’ll be fine.” Stubborn, a trait he had come to associate with the princess, made its appearance once again, but this time he was not impressed. Making his decision, Yapha brought his arms under her waist and knees and effortlessly lifted her up, earning a weak cry of surprise from the princess.

“Your Highness!”

“I’ll get your mistress to her quarters. Prepare her chambers,” Yapha pointedly ignored Theodora’s protests and ordered her ladies to go ahead and get their mistress’ chambers ready. He pretended not to listen to his wife’s pleas to be let down and walk on her own and her claim that she was fine when both of them knew that she was anything but. Yapha was acutely aware how light she was in his arms and how strong the scent of herbs on her. Finally, as they were getting further from the nursery, Theodora appeared to give up persuading her husband or most likely, lost the strength to protest, slumped weakly on his arms.

Theodora unconsciously leaned towards her husband’s warmth; resting her head on his broad chest and almost burying her face in the crook of his neck. The steady thump of his heart was comforting and for the very first time after the incident, she felt truly safe and relaxed. She was drifting in and out of consciousness that she barely noticed that she was already in her chambers. She was pretty much conscious when Yapha gently lowered her on the bed.

“T-thank you” were the only words that came to her. The gentleness how he treated her was entirely unexpected.

“You should rest. You haven’t fully recovered your strength.” Yapha admonished as gently as possible.

“I just want to see my son.”

“Then you can have your ladies bring him to you.” For Yapha, the solution was simple enough.

“…Would it be alright?” Theodora peered underneath her eyelashes.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I heard that the Skardean royal children are to remain in the nursery, away from their parents to instill independence from a young age, and the parents are only to visit them from time to time, not the other way around.” Theodora recited the knowledge she gained from her readings and observation word by word, while knowing in her heart the true reason for the custom. To have their children close to them and to spend much time with them were regarded as weakness in Skarde’s culture. At the look in his eyes, she had no doubt that the prince knew this too.

“While Anatorian royal children?”

“They have their own nursery once they are old enough, but they can be visited or taken to their parents as much as their parents will them.”

Anatoria had no such cold and distant treatment to children, considering their history when a bad outbreak killed almost the entire young generation of Anatorians. It took them years to regain their numbers; children became such a prized possession that their parents gave everything to protect them for the sake of their future. Children were never considered as a weakness to the Anatorians, they were the source of strength and pride.

“Shani is an Anatorian as much as he is Skardean. It should be fine.”

“But-” Theodora knew it shouldn’t be fine, regardless of Anatorian blood in her son, but one sharp, warning look in his eyes, the protests died on her lips.

“You’re still recovering, Princess. You would only bring more harm to yourself if you keep doing this.” His words brought up the painful memories of that night, especially a certain memory when Posya, dear old Posya, stood in front of her mistress, fulfilling her promise that no harm should befall her as long as she served her. She remembered the older woman fell, blood seeping through the wound as she stood between her mistress and the assassins.

She didn’t want to see it happening again, and yet she did. She could see many men fallen as she was whisked away to safety by Patra. She recognized them as Shilla and Baran’s men who were charged with her protection. She had been terrified, not only for her child, but also for the people who was protecting her. She would do anything to protect the life of her child, but not at the cost of others’.

“…At least, I would harm no one else.” The words escaped her lips before she could stop them, unaware of the reaction that came from her husband as he suddenly went still and tense.

“Are you saying that that it’s better that you’re the only one harmed?” Yapha’s voice was quiet as he said this, his features were unreadable. Theodora dropped her gaze at the question, not wanting to see the accusation in his eyes for the truthful answer she would give him.

“…It might be better that way.” Because she was a coward: because she was unable to bear the consequences, because she didn’t want to have the deaths of others in her conscience, because she didn’t want to feel the pain and guilt gnawing her insides knowing others were harmed because of her… She would rather be the only one harmed.

“Even if you die?” There was a dangerous quality in his tone that sent shivers down her spine.

Theodora might be a coward, but she was not a liar and she would never lie to the prince, try as she might. He deserved nothing but the truth. She closed her eyes, preparing herself for whatever reaction that might come.

“Yes.”

There was no slightest sign of doubt or hesitation in her answer, and Yapha felt a flash of irritation and a surge of anger at the lack of care of her own life. He found himself slamming his hands at her sides on the bed with such force that the bed dipped and crouching low that his face was mere inches from hers. Theodora jumped at the violent reaction, her blue eyes wide in surprise and fear, but to her credit, she didn’t move away, though his hands at her sides and himself in front of her, he made it difficult for her to do so.

“Is that why you insisted on giving birth to Shani, despite knowing it could very well cost your life?”

“Shani has done nothing wrong! He is just a child! Whatever our faults are, he doesn’t deserve to bear the consequence of them. He deserves to _live_.” Theodora couldn’t suppress the anger she felt at his question, as though that she shouldn’t have given birth to Shani, to her son, to _their_ son. Her protective instincts flared at the thought of her son, overcoming her fear and discomfort at having the prince so close and so imposing.

“And _you_ don’t?” It caught her off guard; Yapha noticed the look of utter surprise on her face, clearly not expecting the question. The temper that flared in the defense of her son soon fled from her expression, this time he saw uncertainty on her face.

“I… don’t know,” Theodora admitted honestly, but then she dared to ask, “But wouldn’t it be better if I don’t?”

This time it was Yapha who was completely caught off guard. The dark, shadowed look on his face made her regret asking the question.

“I must’ve not thought clearly. Forget my words, Your Highness.” Theodora smiled slightly, trying to make that haunted look gone from his expression. She didn’t like how her careless words visibly affected the prince. She didn’t mean to hurt him in any way.

“But you must’ve thought about it, that you spoke of it at all.” Yapha recognized her weak attempt to distract him, but he decided to ignore it. Part of him wished her to lie, to deny the truth, but another part of him wished to hear the truth from her very own lips.

“…I do.” Her quiet admission stole his breath away and caused his heart constrict painfully.

“Why?” Theodora’s heart ached at the broken sound of his voice. She hadn’t intended to let this known to anyone, that she had thought that she was better off dead than alive, that she had even _considered_ the idea, but she had told him, and she had promised to herself that she would not lie to him. She slowed her breathing, trying to gather her thoughts, so she would make him understand.

“Have you ever been to Ramira, Your Highness?” Theodora started, meeting those dark eyes hesitantly. She paused briefly, before she answered her own question.

“I have. I’ve been there since my father died and my brother became King. I was there when it happened. I was there when my brother led his army to the peaceful kingdom. I saw the people I knew suffer and die. I saw freedom taken away and hope lost.” She recalled all the people she met and knew during her time in Ramira. The people who grew close to her heart. The people who was forced to leave the land and parted with the people they loved most. The people whom she might never see again. She could not allow it to happen again, not when she could do something about it.

“My brother- King Scotty used the Prime Minister and his ambition to invade Ramira. He would use you and Shani to do the same with Skarde, through me.” Theodora had no proof of this, but she had grown to slowly understand her brother, no, the King of Anatoria and her exchange with the General had confirmed her suspicions.

“If I were to die, he had no reason to meddle with Skarde’s affairs. Whatever his reasons would be to justify his involvement, as long as you didn’t allow him to, he would be able to do nothing. Not to Skarde, not to you, not to Shani.”

Yapha could say nothing to this, regardless of the instinctive denials that immediately came up in his mind, because he could recognize truth when he saw one, and he could not lie to her when she was nothing but truthful to him. He had suspected as much, of the real intention of the Anatorian King by sending his sister to him. With the suspicion in his mind, the cold, ruthless part of him that kept him alive in Skardean court had entertained the idea of getting rid of her. True, he didn’t go as far as thinking of harming her in any way, but he already thought of the ways he could have broken the bond that was made with his marriage to the princess.

“…You intended to die.” Even with this knowledge, Yapha felt no relief, no satisfaction that the same thought had occurred to the princess, but only felt numb, and hollow, as though all the remaining life he had was drained away.

“I did.” Theodora couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, dropping her head in shame. She had thought of dying the moment she knew Shani was safe. She had thought of merely letting go.

“Then why?” Yapha didn’t know why he kept asking these questions, despite knowing how much it hurt him. Maybe because he had longed so much for light in the darkness that he tried to seize upon the smallest ray of light he could reach. However, with every answer she gave him, the light seemed to be farther and farther away from reach and the darkness seemed to close in around him, suffocating him. This would be the last, he promised himself, and never again he would look for the light. He would learn to live in the darkness.

“…Because I’m selfish.” Theodora answered softly, “Because I kept thinking of Shani, of how I want to see him smile and laugh, of how I want to hold him,” her voice choked at the thought of the things she would have lost were she to forfeit her life, “…of how I want to see him grow up.”

Theodora swallowed thickly through the gathering tears as another image came unbidden to the forefront of her mind. The image of a broad back of a man who had been through so much pain and suffering, the image of the hunched shoulders of a man who had carried so much burden without any word of complaint, the image of a man who stood apart to keep his distance, and yet… couldn’t truly turn his back and keep his distance as he uttered the only request he ever asked to any other person.

“Because I kept thinking of the words of a man who never asked anything from anyone for himself. Because I kept thinking of the man whose only request was for me to stay safe.” Theodora had thought nothing of his parting words at first, but the more she thought of the words, spoken and unspoken, she realized that it was a request, from someone who could have everything he wanted without asking for them. She might be reading into it too much, but she couldn’t help but hold on to the silly notion, that he truly cared for her, even for the slightest bit.

Large hand reached out beneath her chin and gently brought her head up. Theodora was too distraught to resist, a tear escaped down her cheek as she wearily opened her eyes to take whatever to come. But nothing prepared her for the multitude of emotions within those dark depths and the open display of vulnerability he was willing to show her. She found her breath catch at the warmth and gentleness he gave her as they slowly cracked and melted the ice encasing her heart.

“I can promise you nothing. I cannot promise you love and happiness. I cannot even promise you comfort and safety. I’ve promised for all to my mother, my wife and my son, and I failed them. I have nothing to offer you but myself. I can only offer you this broken self and the sole promise that I would give my very best to be the person you need me to be. Just- Please just-” Yapha faltered, wondering whether he would be asking too much of her.

“Don’t leave me. Don’t give up on me. Stay by my side.”

Theodora was struck speechless with that heartfelt plea. She wanted to weep at the humbleness he displayed, wishing that he understood that he was the only who had offered her anything in her short life. He was also the only who had ever asked her to stay. However, her throat was so tight with emotion that she could barely say anything and her mind was so overwhelmed that she couldn’t find the words to say. Instead she found herself crying softly, more tears found their way down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. You deserve better.” Yapha smiled sadly with a touch of bitterness as he wiped the tears away gently with his other hand. He asked too much of her, after what he had let her go through, because he was too much of a fool. He would understand if she refused him. Theodora shook her head at this, struggling to find her voice among the emotions.

“No. It’s enough. It’s more than enough.” Theodora smiled through her tears, trying to stem the tears from flowing futilely, the joy and relief from his promise. For the first time, she felt needed, wanted for herself, not for the sister of King Scotty, not for the daughter of Ruthen Tore, not for the princess of Anatoria, but for simple, plain Theodora.

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me, Your Highness.” Theodora was surprised to find him leaning towards her instead, resting his forehead against her in response to her answer.

“Thank you.” His voice was thick with emotion, barely able to express his gratitude toward this, this heavenly princess that was his wife and the mother of his child. He would make everything right for her, only for her.

 _No, thank_ you _._ Theodora wanted to say, but she was content that he trusted her enough to ask this of her. She knew it would be a long time before they could fully trust each other with their innermost thoughts and feelings, before they could fully bare themselves to each other.  They had their own share of hurt and betrayal, of guilt and regret, of fear and anxiety, of hope and love. However, at the least with this, they had taken the first steps towards something for both of them. For once, she let herself hope for the future where she could be happy, with her son and her husband.

*

*

*

“I heard that you were deemed fully healthy by your physician,” Asitasivi opened the conversation with her usual bluntness which used to fluster Theodora easily, but now, Theodora knew better to accept it gladly. Coming to the realization that such bluntness was much more preferable than honey-coated words or kind and friendly façade most courtiers wore.

“I was, Your Majesty. I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for your and the others’ support and diligence through my recovery.” Theodora couldn’t express her gratitude to their support. She wouldn’t have thought that there would be people who would care that much, let alone at all, of her own well-being. It might not completely genuine, they might have other reasons, her being an Anatorian princess, sister to King Tore was one. However, she knew that that beneath all those reasons, they still cared for her. It was more than she could ask.

“It was nothing.” Asitasivi felt herself returning the warm, gentle smile the young princess gave her and feeling the warmth spread through her at the very sight. It was difficult not to.

“I’m still grateful.” Theodora didn’t let her brush her support aside. Asitasivi hid a smile at this; she was indeed more stubborn than she let on.

“How is Shani?” Asitasivi softened as she saw how those clear blue eyes brightened up at the mention of her son, filled with such love and devotion that one could expect from a new mother. Having been there, she knew that she wouldn’t need much to encourage the usually quiet princess to start speaking.

All the time, Asitasivi merely listened and watched her daughter-in-law as she asked some questions regarding raising children, which she answered without much thinking, already experienced with two sons. She relished this familiar warm feeling that she identified with love and pride that was not unlike Theodora had of her son. It didn’t quite take her off guard to realize that she was starting to see Theodora as her daughter, not simply because she was married to the man whom she considered as a son.

Though it was quite surprising that she didn’t quite feel the same for Yapha’s previous wives, despite one came from her own family and the other was the one whom Yapha came to love. She was kind and friendly to them, and embraced them as they were family, but she didn’t quite as far as considering them as her own daughter.

Theodora was… different. She knew she was not the only one who thought the same. Shilla knew, bless that child, she was glad that she inherited her mother’s kindness, as annoying as she might be. If Shilla knew, Yapha must have known too. However, none of them could really put it into words.

She was undeniably beautiful, but not so beautiful that she would have turned heads whenever she went or made her immediately set apart among others like Darria and Haisha. If anything she was rather pale in the comparison to Yapha’s previous wives. It didn’t help that due to her light coloring that came from her being an Anatorian, she didn’t quite fit the definition of beauty in Skarde, which greatly prized dark colorings from bronze skin to dark hair. Haisha was a rarity, but she was undeniably _Skarde_ that she made other women envious and many men reconsidered their version of beauty.

Both of Yapha’s previous wives were also strong in character that it was difficult to overlook them. Meanwhile, Theodora herself was rather quiet and shy, and sometimes, awkward, especially when she was treated deferentially as her station demanded. It was quite a wonder that this petite woman was related to that King Tore.

But when she smiled… her smile reached her eyes, lighting those brilliant blue eyes. When she spoke, her words were deep and true. When she was worried, her concern was evident in her words and gestures.

True. Genuine. _Real_.

Naïve, probably at first, when she wasn’t used to the ways of the court, and even after everything, those certain qualities weren’t lost, they still remained.

It make Asitasivi strongly suspect that she might not grow into the life of a princess that demanded some qualities to be repressed or hidden and others to be purposefully brought forth to the surface. Oh, she knew how to keep to herself, her pregnancy was the most blatant evidence of this, but she never tried to be someone else, never tried to be the perfect princess. And in the place where façade was worn regularly, where the lines between right and wrong, truth and lies were blurred and easily crossed, where emotions were considered as weakness, where loyalty and integrity became empty words… Theodora became such a breath of fresh air, a light in the darkness that was Skarde’s court.

Some would be indifferent, some would feel threatened, and others… would protect that light. Although… she might not completely need the protection, Asitasivi thought. The others, especially the men, would try to protect her from everything, making all of the decisions for her. She knew they only cared for her and wanted the best for the young princess, but they might not realize that Theodora was not as helpless as she might seem. Asitasivi had been there, had seen glimpses of sharpness and keen observation, of intelligence and wisdom, and most of all, of unwavering strength and determination. To take away all the decision from her would be unfair. It would be her decision, not anyone else’s.

“So it would be fine for you to attend festivities now.” Asitasivi didn’t fail to notice Theodora’s brief silence before she confirmed with a nod.

“Here in Skarde, we usually celebrate the birth of royal children, although the celebration would differ between the children, depending on their status and position. However, because your child is a child of Skarde and Anatoria, the celebration would be the same with the celebration of the King’s very own. The festivities usually take place not long, usually a week after the birth, after the mother has recovered and the child can be presented to court. The King has appointed me to be in charge of the festivities once a child of your union is born.” Theodora merely nodded, silently gesturing the Queen to continue.

“However, due to the circumstances… we couldn’t hold the celebration. With Yapha away on a campaign and you in recovery, I had asked the King to postpone the festivities until the situation at the borders calmed down, Yapha returned and you made full recovery. Now, the borders are relatively under control, Yapha has returned and taken care of all the urgent matters, all that left was your health.”

“…It’s been months, wouldn’t it be rather late for a celebration?” Theodora knew what was asked of her, though she needed to be certain. The queen shook her head.

“It would never be too late. It has been years since the last royal child was born to two kingdoms and it would be a long time before we had another. Yovina is still not of age yet to be sent away and there is yet any word from Skardean mistress in Ramira. Unless… of course, you have another child with Yapha.” At this, Theodora lowered her gaze; light blush gracing her cheeks, but said nothing. Asitasivi knew that Yapha cared about his young wife, but she doubted that would be enough for him to resume his husbandly duties and she thought Theodora knew this and she would speak up if the time came, but not regarding this, she figured that was why she said nothing.

“I suppose so,” Theodora raised her gaze once more, “When would the festivities take place?”

“Two weeks from now. I’ve already made the early preparations once I heard that you might regain your health soon.”

“Well, I don’t think I can do nothing but prepare, can’t I?” Theodora took the news gracefully.

“I’m afraid so. All the nobilities of Skarde would come to pay their respects and give their congratulations to the Crown Prince and his new heir.” It might sound cruel, but it was how the nobilities thought of them, thought of her young charge’s husband and son, and her position as the future wife and mother of the King of Skarde.

As though she read her old self’s mind, Theodora brought herself up, sitting straighter in her seat.

“Tell me about them.” The words were softly spoken, but the steel underneath them was unmistakable. Asitasivi couldn’t hide the pride she felt at the command under the request. She had always known that beneath that gentle princess was a great queen, and she would gladly prepare her for the role.

*

*

*

Theodora was quiet through the walk back to her quarters, her ladies quietly trailing after their mistress.

Two weeks.

She couldn’t shake the feeling of the dread at the incoming celebration that was going to take place in the next two weeks. The time felt too short, too fast. However, it would mean the wait would not be long. She would only need to let herself busy with the preparations so she wouldn’t be overcome with her fears and doubts.

“Posya, can you bring me tea?” Theodora asked her recovered chief lady-in-waiting once she was within the safety of her chamber. Tea usually helped whenever she was in such state of confusion.

“Yes, Your Highness.” Posya bowed her head in acquiescence and turned to order the other ladies to prepare for Her Highness’ tea.

Theodora seated herself at her usual seat near the window overlooking the gardens. She knew it wasn’t completely safe, but she couldn’t bring herself to be in constant guard. She wanted at least to feel safe in her own quarters. She was not used to it and it took too much from her, so she could only rely on her guardians, despite how much she loathed being a burden to them.

A burden…

How could she no longer be a burden to them?

What could she do?

Her musing was cut short with the cluttering of porcelain cups and the quiet clunk as a steaming cup of tea and its tray place before her, the scent was a welcome to her senses.

“Thank you, Posya.” Theodora smiled towards her faithful lady-in-waiting, who was by now, had given up trying to stop her mistress habit for addressing others politely, even lowly maids. It was a part of Theodora who was always conscious of her less than noble descent, Posya realized, who sometimes felt guilty, wondering whether she had a part in this, always talking behind the mistress and her daughter’s back about them not realizing their place.

Posya was about to pull back to give her mistress some semblance of privacy, when she was stopped by the soft voice of Theodora.

“Posya, I am in need of your advice.”

“What advice do you need, Your Highness?”

“…What do you think how I should present myself at the celebration?”

Like a princess would not be enough for an answer. Like Lady Haiga wouldn’t be a good answer. Like a Tore would be wrong. Her princess was nothing of those, and couldn’t pretend to be those. Posya wouldn’t want the princess to be anyone but herself, but she wondered whether it would be good for her.

“…I would rather Your Highness be yourself,” Posya decided the truth would be the best, “However, I doubt the courtiers would take it kindly.”

“…I know,” Theodora smiled at the older woman’s answer, though it merely confirmed what she suspected. “But anything less, they might not be any kinder, they might be worse.” She was not the best liar by all means. She could keep quiet, could keep things to herself, but she was anything but a liar, a pretender. The courtiers who were undoubtedly knew how to spun words so easily and discard façade as easily as they changed clothes would easily notice the false bravado she would wear if she was to pretend to be anything but herself.

Posya was silent at this as she couldn’t deny the truth of the statement.

“…Myself, huh?” Theodora murmured thoughtfully. Who was she, really? A mere daughter of a servant who managed to get the strongest man in Anatoria by accident. The youngest child of Ruthen Tore who cherished her as she reminded him of his lost love. The half-sister to King Tore and Lady Haiga who were of higher birth…

Lady Theodora Char of Ramira who was the only daughter of the widowed Lady Char… The companion to the beautiful but lonely Queen Bii who welcomed her with open arms. The friend to the mysterious Sei and brilliant Lady Bardere whom she gave a place to rest safely. The secret admirer of the young General Vaida who did not know her but as the sister of the ambitious King. The charge of little, handsome Hero Vaida who determinedly chose to become her protector…

Lady Theodora Tore of Anatoria… The sister of Mistress Rara of Ramira who both longed for their past in Ramira and longed for shared warmth within the cold walls of Anatorian castles. The protector of Alea Tore and Hise of Ramira whom she cherished as though they were her very own children…

Princess Theodora of Anatoria… The young wife of Prince Yapha who was the strongest candidate to the throne and the most loved prince in all Skarde. The mother of the wonderful Shani who would have to embrace the title and role he was meant to be…

It was who she was. It was all the people and places she had cherished in her heart. She was nothing less and nothing more. And that was all she would be.

“…Posya, please bring out the smallest chest I took with me from Anatoria.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Posya was confused at the request, but went to do as requested of her. She was aware of the small chest among her mistress old possessions that she never once touched upon her arrival in Skarde, but she didn’t know what was inside and didn’t want to pry more than she should.

The chest was comparably small to the other chests their small entourage brought to Skarde, it only took two of the men with ease to bring it to the princess. Posya watched as Theodora fondly caressed the chest before unlatching the lock and bringing it open.

Theodora felt a wave of nostalgia as her eyes fell upon the dresses, the jewelries, the fabrics, the various mementoes she gathered through time. The early years growing up in Castle Tore with endless snow and clear night skies. The peaceful years living as an ordinary noble’s daughter in Ramira with warm weather and continuous spring. The secluded, yet fulfilling life as the caretaker of two wonderful children.

They had been, were and would always become a part of her.

“Posya, could you summon for the palace’s best tailor and craftsman? Tell them I have a proposal for them.”

Theodora watched fondly as the old lady-in-waiting went on her way with confusion clear on her face, but obediently followed her orders nevertheless. She knelt down in front of the chest, taking out the soft fabric with the recognizable Ramiran pattern which would be suitable in Skardean weather and reached out for the set of pearls known as Anatoria’s best craftsmanship. Then she asked her other ladies to bring out the other chest where her best Skardean clothes were kept. This time she picked out the delicate beaded veil. She was already thinking of the various combinations she could use for her wardrobe which integrated the three kingdoms she held dear to her heart. It wasn’t much, but it was the least she could do.


	8. Chapter 8

The next two weeks were spent preparing for the upcoming festivities. Theodora spent her time mostly in the Queen’s quarters, in the nursery or in her own. Sometimes she managed to sneak some time for some walk in the gardens to retreat from the hustle bustle of the preparation, watching quietly from afar. She learned more of the nobles from the Queen and sometimes from Prince Shilla, and the books she brought from the library. She made sure she spent at least an hour with her son, whether playing with or reading or singing to him. It was always the highlight of her day. She would spend most of the remainder of her day in her quarters, discussing of the change of her wardrobe with the tailors and craftsmen who were interested in her proposal and rose up to the challenge.

At first she was rather hesitant in this decision, as it would mean that she would be spending quite a fortune in this project of hers. Then she thought of the festivities that would take place, she doubted that the Majesties spared any expenses for this occasion. She should have asked the Queen to elaborate more of the festivities, but she was too caught up in the thought having to meet the nobles of Skarde.

From what she gathered, such celebrations were not foreign in Skarde. The royal wives always found a reason for a celebration and the King more often than not indulged them. She worried that this regular occurrence was not exactly received well by the people and as this upcoming celebration was to celebrate her son’s birth, she wished that it would not cause the people to think ill of her child or her husband.

With this in mind, after she checked for her treasury and the gold she gained by exchanging her old and unused clothes and jewelries she would not likely be using anymore, she decided to distribute some of them to the poor in her son’s name. She had asked Patra of the men that would be suitable for the task, not wanting for the gold to be given to wrong people or to bring too much attention with her actions. She only told the messengers that the gold was a token of gratitude for the birth of the prince, nothing more and nothing less.

“In my utmost confidence they would do what Your Highness asked of them. They would certainly make sure that they would be delivered to the right people.” Patra told the princess who was watching the departure of the men of her choice to perform the task that was asked of them.

“Of that I have no doubt,” Theodora smiled to the man, “Since it’s you who recommend them.”

Patra bowed humbly at the sign of trust from his charge.

“And I could see that they would not use the gold for their own gain. They know too well of the people.” Though her words made him look up in surprise as the princess unknowingly had voiced out loud the reason why Patra made his choice.

“I’d like to do that by myself, but I don’t think that’ll be possible,” Theodora gave a longing sigh, a sad smile on her lips. Then she turned to the physician, smiling warmly in gratitude, “Thank you for making it possible.”

This time Patra didn’t dare to raise his head for fear of staring at his master’s wife far longer than what was proper. Sometimes he wished that the princess didn’t treat others like they were her equals and kept her distance to emphasize her position as the wife of the Crown Prince and future King of Skarde. But this was the mistress he would gladly serve and give his life for in a heartbeat and he would not have it any other way.

*

*

*

It was the night before the celebration and all the preparation was done and over with. Theodora was currently seated with roll of parchment in her hands and more on the table before her. Her lustrous hair was being pulled back and twisted in round of pearls as were the days she was back in Anatoria. Her decision to integrate or to keep certain aspects of her homeland was received most positively by her ladies who were comforted by the familiarity by things as simple as wearing pearls in her hair. It quelled her doubts and fears of the reaction of others due to her decision slightly. She knew she had to learn to stop second-guessing herself. She wouldn’t be much of use for her son and husband as she was.

She was reading over the protocols she needed to remember for tomorrow, wanting to give her best impression as it would also be her first official appearance to every nobleman in Skarde. The last thing she wanted to be was an embarrassment and disappointment to those who cared for and believed in her. She rolled the parchment and set them aside for another parchment and found herself stopping at the lines that stated the protocols of the Prince and his wife to preside over the banquet with the King and Queen present.

It suddenly just hit her, with those few lines, that it wasn’t mere celebration. It was an introduction…. It was a presentation of the future King and Queen of Skarde to the court. She and Yapha were being prepared for their future role by indirectly acknowledging them and testing them how they would interact with the nobilities, whether they would manage to get their support or not. They were… thrown to the wolves, so to speak. This would also mean that there would be more attention towards her and her son, and not necessarily the good kind of attention. She knew it all too well, her hand unconsciously went to the underside of her breast where sometimes she could still feel the cold sting of the blade piercing through her and the painful lurch of her heart.

Her child, her precious child… he would be subjected to many threats to his life, to the ambitions of others. He would have to grow up before his time and learn to protect himself, just like his father before him. He would have to endure all the hardships by simply being himself, by being the son of Yapha of Skarde and Theodora of Anatoria.

_Oh my child… What have I done?_

The thought had occurred to her during the pregnancy, but she didn’t expect it would be so soon.  She thought she would have a little more time to prepare, but then she remembered her husband, who was already acknowledged as potential heir to the throne when he was merely the third prince, while the sons of the Queen were still very much alive and well. This was the way of Skarde, comprehension fully dawned on her.

It was the survival of the fittest.

She only came to the realization now and felt cold rush of dread and guilt coursing through her. She should have noticed this sooner. She had been too worried of her brother that she forgot of the brothers of her husband.

_Shani…_

Thinking of her son, Theodora put down the parchment and stood up from her seat, an action that quickly drew the attention of her ladies.

“I’d like to see my son.” Her voice was calm and collected, when she felt anything but.

“Let me send a messenger to the nursery beforehand,” Posya quickly responded to her mistress’ sudden urge to visit the nursery this late.

“No need. Just alert the guards of my intention.”

Patra had emphasized the importance of having guards at any time and place. She and her son were not to be without proper protection wherever they went. That was the very reason why that first attempt on her life happened: she didn’t have the mind to bring guards with her and to tell them of her whereabouts. It was only because of Prince Yapha and Prince Shilla who happened to be nearby that the worst was prevented.

She wore the robe her ladies brought to her while Posya told the guards of her intention to visit the nursery. In hindsight, Theodora knew she was underdressed, which was unbecoming of the wife of the Crown Prince if she were to encounter any courtier along the way, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Her chief lady-in-waiting seemed to understand this, not even suggesting her mistress to get properly dressed.

Theodora walked briskly out from her chambers towards the nursery with her ladies. She was vaguely aware that the guards had positioned themselves on the path leading to the nursery; her mind was already on her few months old son. When she arrived at the entrance of the nursery, she signaled the guards not to announce her. It was supposed to be Shani’s bed time, as much as she wanted to see him; she didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Thus she was surprised when she stepped into the nursery to find her son was still wide awake from his cries. The nurse was trying to calm the little prince down by rocking him gently and singing Skardean lullaby but to no avail.

“What’s going on?” Theodora’s motherly instincts were immediately on alert, concerned to see her child in such distress. The nurse, who just noticed the princess’ presence, wasn’t able to conceal her surprise at the presence of the mother of her charge and quickly curtsied to the princess with the prince in her arms.

“Your Highness.” Theodora forwent the usual courtesy as she often did with her ladies by approaching the nurse and raised her from her curtsey directly.

“Mistress Lena.” And the nurse knew that the princess wanted the answer to her previous question.

“I’m not sure Your Highness. His Highness went to sleep at his usual bedtime. However, suddenly he woke up and has been crying since.” Mistress Lena couldn’t hide her frown at this; Theodora could understand the woman’s confusion as she had been nothing but an excellent nursemaid since her appointment. Theodora had been witness to it due to the time she spent in the nursery especially during the early weeks of her recovery.

“Let me have him.” Theodora offered kindly. Mistress Lena hesitated briefly; she was the prince’s nurse. She was appointed by the royal couple to take care of their son and his needs. What kind of nursemaid would she be if she couldn’t calm her own charge down and made the princess have to do her duty?

However, the nurse knew better than to refuse the princess and carefully moved the wailing prince to her mother’s arms. To everyone’s surprise, not long after he was settled in Theodora’s arms, his wails quietened considerably. Another gentle rocking motion and soothing whispers, the prince were nothing but quiet, save for a few gurgles. All of the ladies present took in this sight with various degrees of surprise and admiration.

It was common occurrence for high-ranked ladies, whether in Skarde or in any other kingdoms, to leave their children under their nurse or governess’ care. Those high-ranked mothers usually came to the nursery or asked for the children to be brought to them to spend some time with them. As often as they spent their time with their children, they couldn’t spend more time than their nurse, especially in Skarde where the more time spent with the children was the sign of attachment, and as such, a sign of weakness. Theodora already spent more time with her newborn son in the beginning of her recovery where she could barely be parted with him as she had been unable to see him after Shani’s birth. She had greatly reduced the time she spent with her son, but still with the same regularity that wasn’t shared with other mothers of nobility. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that young Shani recognized his mother and sought her out for comfort and assurance.

“Would you mind-?” Theodora gestured to her son. Mistress Lena understood the request immediately, curtseying slightly before retreating, an example that was soon followed by her ladies-in-waiting that only few people in attendance and in a distance away enough to give the princess the illusion of privacy.

Theodora gazed on her son lovingly as she held him close to her breast, caressing the soft cheek gently. Shani had settled comfortably in the warmth of his mother, blinking his unseeing eyes and yawning at times. Theodora needed not to do anything but hold him close and quietly marveled at this wonderful blessing which was her son. Her gaze turned sad when she recalled the thought that led her here.

“Oh Shani,” she cupped the small, round face gently, “Are you worried for tomorrow?”

Indistinct gurgle answered her question, bringing an affectionate smile upon her face, but the smile turned wistful at those trusting blue eyes. He couldn’t have known what was about to take place tomorrow and he could have done nothing even if he knew. She had been the one who brought him into this position, because of her selfish desire to have a child of her own. She hadn’t thought far into to the future, she merely thought of herself, of her holding a child in his arms.

This fault was hers to make and was hers to bear. She would protect her child with everything she had. She would no longer turn a blind eye toward everything. She would no longer hide in the shadows.

“Do not worry, my child. Let me be the one who do all the worrying. Let me be the one who look after you. Let me be the mother you could rely on.”

In silence of the nursery, under the watchful gazes of her ladies, Theodora vowed silently to be the mother her son needed.

*

*

*

The day had come for the festivities to celebrate the birth of Prince Shani Argo to start. Yapha was dressed in his finest clothes, which he had not worn since what he felt many decades ago when he knew it had been merely few years since the death of Haisha. His late wife had loved dressing up and had never failed to be the object of attention whenever she made her appearance. She would insist Yapha to dress his best, and even go as far as having the clothes made by the Court’s finest tailors with the finest fabrics. After her death, he dared not to touch, let alone wear those clothes and instead he ordered them to be burned by his orders, just the way he ordered her pictures and every other reminder of her to be burned and removed from his sight.

He had not bothered to replenish the collection of his clothes ever since, and what was the best among the remaining of his wardrobe had been worn for his third wedding and he couldn’t have worn the same clothes, regardless how comparably modest the ceremony had been. Fortunately, the Queen had the foresight to make up for his lack of wardrobe and had made more than enough fine clothes for him, which he would undoubtedly need in his future endeavors.

As much as he didn’t bother with appearance and impressing others, he knew that there would be no more delaying the inevitable. He would have to play the game of the Court eventually and this time the stakes were higher than before. When his wife was Haisha, he had thought that he would at least had the Ran’s support, considering how much they took pride of their daughter. He had a little measure of safety, a mistake that he would keen not to repeat ever again. He would not rely on the Anatorian King, nor would he rely on his father the King. He would have to rely on himself, on the allies he made and gained.

The Crown Prince mulled this over as his grooms helped him with his clothes, inwardly wondering how calm and collected he had been since he was made aware of the obvious attempt of the King to make him the future King of Skarde after him, putting him and in consequence his wife and son in harm’s way. He had never made any attempt to refuse the orders of the King, accepting that it was his duty as a prince of Skarde to perform them the best of his ability and to prove himself to the King and Skarde. When the King had begun to address him as the crown prince, he merely accepted the title and the responsibility as another order from his master. However, this time he was not accepting the title because of mere duty, but because of his new purpose to ensure the safety of his wife and son.

He had no such purpose before and he didn’t realize how much a difference it could make. It gave him the strength and resolve that he never knew he was lacking. He would no longer be remiss, he would make sure himself would not. He would make complete use of every opportunity he had, starting from today’s celebration. He gave himself a passing glance, satisfied that the grooms had done their best; he signaled his chamberlain that they were to set out to the Hall. With little fanfare he and his grooms left his quarters.

Yapha found his steps faltering involuntarily as his eyes fell upon the small entourage before the entrance of the Hall, and upon the woman who stood at the head. He saw the chief lady-in-waiting whispering to her mistress, most likely telling her of his arrival, as she turned towards his direction, an action that was followed by her ladies. He stopped before his wife, who immediately sank to a shallow curtsey in his presence.

  
"Your Highness."

  
"My Lady Princess." 

At his greeting, Theodora gracefully rose from her curtsey, standing to her full height and presenting herself completely to her husband. Yapha's dark eyes were widened slightly in surprise as they drank the sight before him. The princess had her silvery locks in intricate knot on the top of her head, though leaving most of her hair unbound, cascading in soft waves upon her breasts and back. Her jewelry was comparably simple, a thin silver lace with azure jewel on her brow, a pair of azure teardrop earrings and silver necklace with sapphires and diamonds. However, she was wearing a diamonds-decorated veil over her hair and a gold-embroidered gown which fabric changed into various shades of blue under the light.

It was by no means extravagant, as one would expect from the wife of the heir to the throne of Skarde and the mother of his child. For any other woman, they would appear undressed for the occasion, but for her, the simplicity brought out the best of her. The color of the jewels and the dress brought out blue of eyes, the glitter of the diamonds in her veil surrounded her with soft glow, the light rouge on her cheeks and lips pronounced her features, the dress hugged her curves at the right places.

She was beautiful.

Yapha had always known she was beautiful, but never quite noticed it, having unconsciously compared her to the greatest beauty of Skarde that was Haisha, of her brilliant presence, of her stunning beauty and of her easy confidence. Compared to her, Theodora was rather muted in presence, plain in beauty and shy in character. All those too bright eyes and pale skin against the richly patterned and bright colored Skardean dresses, kind words and well-meant gestures against honey-coated words and bold gestures, along with her shy and awkward nature against prideful nature of Skardean women, she never quite fit in. It was easy to overlook her, should she remain the way she was.

When the thought registered to him, Yapha immediately understood what she was doing. Theodora was stepping out of the shadows, instead of hiding in them. She was embracing the attention, instead of shying from it, as a princess should, as a queen should. For Shani, he recalled with sudden clarity her words to the young prince he happened to be privy to. Thinking of their son, Yapha knew that both of them couldn’t afford to show any weakness that the other princes or the nobles alike could possibly take advantage of. With the birth of Shani, Yapha had strengthened his position as the heir to the throne and this celebration was the King’s veiled acknowledgment, which also would be the opportunity for the courtiers to judge his worth, that would decide whether they would pursue his favor or not. In their judgment, they would not fail to judge his wife.

His musings were cut short when he heard another presence approaching, and was not surprised to find that it had been his son, carried in the arms of his nursemaid with the staff and servants of his nursery behind him. The brown-haired Mistress Lena sank into a curtsey immediately in the presence of the prince and his wife, the rest of the staff and servants also gave their best obeisance to the couple.

“You may rise.” Yapha told them, gesturing the nursemaid to bring his son to him once she stood up from her curtsey. Obediently the lady brought the young prince to his parents. Yapha recognized the clothes the child wore as one of the clothes he had seen Theodora was making for him. The end result was an excellent baby clothes with detailed embroidery that rivaled the best tailors of Skarde. They wouldn’t have known that the clothes were made by hands of the princess herself.

“How is he?” Theodora asked out of concern of her child. She could understand the necessity of having the royal children in the festivities, but it didn’t mean she liked or was fine with it. He was still too young; he could catch sickness for mingling with many people. At least, once he was presented to court, Shani could be taken back to the nursery, letting the rest of the celebration progress without him.

“He has been in his best behavior, Your Highnesses. He has not given us any cause of concern since he woke up. The physician has checked him over as your orders, and deemed him well enough for today’s event.” Mistress Lena answered respectfully. Theodora smiled in relief at this.

“Let me carry him.” Surprise was written all over the nursemaid’s face. Based on the protocol regarding the presentation of newly born royal children, they should be carried by their nursemaid as they trailed behind their royal parents as their rank. There had never been any occasion where the parent, or the mother herself who carried the child. Theodora knew that the nursemaid wasn’t the only one surprised.

“But, Your Highness-” The nursemaid was prepared to object, looking at the prince for support. In return, Yapha looked at his wife to know whether it was merely a request on a whim, or a request with a reason. Theodora met his questioning gaze calmly, wordlessly telling him that she wasn’t merely asking this on a whim. She was knowingly about to breach the protocol. Yapha hid his surprise well. It appeared to be a simple act of defiance, but this could also be intended to shed away any doubt regarding his son by placing him in the forefront with his parents. The courtiers would easily notice the similarities between him and his son and the acknowledgment that came with the gesture. Theodora was still looking at him, waiting for his decision.

“The princess would carry the prince.” Yapha quickly made his decision. He also felt better having their son with them instead behind them. He would have better view to see the courtiers’ reaction towards his heir. Mistress Lena obeyed her prince’s orders, however reluctantly. She gave her charge to his mother who took him in her arms. Yapha watched the princess settling Shani comfortably against her, before extending a hand to her.

“Shall we?” There was a flicker of surprise in her eyes and a brief moment of hesitation before she placed her hand upon his palm. The reaction reminded him that this was the first deliberate contact he initialized in public; he would have to rectify this later. He led them towards the entrance of the Great Hall, their ladies and grooms trailing after them. The guard who was also acting as the usher, once the royal couple within his sight, immediately straightened up and made the announcement to the Hall already filled with courtiers from the sounds of chatter.

The slight pressure from the hand holding the princess’ hand brought Yapha’s attention towards her, only to see her opening her eyes, any lingering trace of doubt and anxiety was replaced with calm acceptance and quiet determination. The quiet strength that Yapha had noticed was brought out to the forefront, and gone was the shy and awkward Theodora, replaced with the calm and graceful Princess Theodora of Anatoria. At the sight of this transformation, Yapha found himself filled with unnamed emotion that was akin to pride and admiration and could barely look away until he finally registered the usher’s cry.

“His Highnesses Prince Yapha, Princess Theodora and Prince Shani!”

Together as one, they stepped forward into the Hall and walked towards the dais, the courtiers parted as they bowed and curtsied accordingly to the Crown Prince and his wife, though his sharp eyes didn’t miss the look of surprise on their faces when they saw the princess carrying the prince himself. He didn’t give any sign of acknowledgment to their reactions, directing his gaze towards the end of the Hall. The chairs on top of the raised dais where the King and Queen usually occupied for this occasion were vacant, while the King and Queen themselves were seated on the chairs on the lower dais next to the raised dais.

Yapha kept his gaze steady towards the dais and his hand beneath Theodora’s as they approached their intended destination, but his sharp hearing managed to catch the whispers among the courtiers. He could hear them talking of his latest achievements and of their significance, which would affect his standing among the princes. He could hear them speculating of other princes and their families, of their reaction towards the celebration. But those whispers were among the minority, for the majority he could hear them talking about the breach of protocol, speculating whether it was intentional or not, if it were intentional, what were his intentions? Why would he allow his wife to carry his son as though she was mere nursemaid? Why would she carry her son by herself?

The dark-haired prince could hear them watching and judging the woman by his side, some was favorable and some was not, some was kind and some was harsh. He could hear them comparing her with Haisha and found her lacking, but all of them agreed that she was different, and he thought he heard the undercurrent of admiration beneath their sentiments, most notably at her appearance. Her choice of wardrobe became the main topic of conversation, especially among the ladies of court.

The gown was unmistakably Skardean, but the fabric and pattern were not. They were comparably simple and light to Skardean richly-patterned and thicker fabric that led them suspecting that the fabric wasn’t native to Skarde. The ladies were also taking note of her choice to wear simple lace on her hair instead of a more extravagant headpiece, which the intricate knot on the top of her head seemed to be. The jewelry design too was not native to Skarde, sapphires of the light blue color were rare in Skarde. They had their suspicions, which weren’t different with his own, that the fabric of the gown was actually from Ramira and the jewelry was from Anatoria, but unlike them, he had the knowledge that the princess had been in both countries long enough to embrace their culture. Yapha was not a fool not to think that it wasn’t intentional from her part. He had come to learn how sharp and observant the princess truly was.

Meanwhile, Theodora continued her stride towards the dais without letting go of her hand on top of Yapha’s hand. His presence beside her gave her the strength she needed to become the princess she needed to be. She could hear the whispers about her, both good and bad, and took them all in without letting them affect her. They had reached the King and Queen and made their obeisance before presenting the young prince Shani to his grandfather. The aging King took the child and raised him up to present him before the court.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present you my grandson from Prince Yapha and Princess Theodora, Prince Shani Pretha Argo of Skarde! May God give his blessing upon him!”

Loud cheers and eager claps greeted his announcement. Their sincerity was questionable, but the noise compensated for its lack and the King seemed to be satisfied enough for the reaction from his courtiers. He returned Shani to his son, who nodded respectfully and gave him away to Mistress Lena so she could bring him back to the nursery. The nursemaid took delicate care of his charge as she stepped back and gave her obeisance properly to the royal family before retreating from the Hall.

Yapha absently took Theodora’s hand once again as they continued towards the empty chairs upon the dais, allowed to skip the practice of paying their respects to the other royal wives in this occasion. They stepped on the raised dais and together they turned to face the courtiers before them as presiding royals did and without shying away from their gazes they seated themselves upon the chairs.

From her place, Theodora watched as Yapha coolly swept his gaze over the court from the raised dais and motioned with the slightest wave of his hand for the courtiers to take their seats. The brief gesture demonstrated the influence her husband had over the court of Skarde. He appeared every inch the King he was expected to be, proud and regal on his throne. None of the courtiers failed to realize this, the princes and the wives of the King were no exception. They obeyed without question, arranging themselves around their appointed position and seated themselves. Subtly Theodora took note of the people who showed the slightest hesitation or displeasure at this, and not especially surprised, but couldn’t help but worried when she noticed that Prince Mose and what appeared to be Ran family representatives were among them. Taking his cue, the master of ceremonies began the celebration by declaring that it was time for every representative to present their gifts to the prince and princess for the birth of their son.

Their first gift came from the King and Queen themselves. A man who was carrying a wide and slim chest moved forward at the signal accordingly.

“A humble gift from us to my grandson and son.” His voice boomed loudly in the expectant silence that filled the Hall. The man opened the wide chest to reveal a gilded sword with rubies and jade at the handle and on the scabbard, which matched the dagger next to the sword. There was a series of awed gasps coming from the courtiers at the sight of sword. Even Theodora who didn’t see swords much could appreciate the design of the details on the sword and dagger.

“Why don’t you look them over?” King Mamere spoke indulgently. Yapha stepped down from the dais towards the open chest. His fingers trailed over the surface of the sword before grasping the handle and unsheathing the sword in a swift, smooth movement, the sound of metal ringing in the room. Before they knew it, the prince had stood before them with a gleaming sword in his hand, managing to inspire both awe and fear. Somehow Theodora doubted that the other princes could elicit such strong reaction from the people. She glanced at the direction of the King, a smug smile on his face, and it appeared that the King knew this, that was why he presented such gift to Yapha. He was cunning, Theodora could finally acknowledge this, but she knew that whatever plans he had for both her husband and son might work against them as much as for them.

Theodora returned her gaze to Yapha, who had returned the sword to its sheath and now was taking out the dagger from the chest for inspection. The dagger was small, it could be held easily within one large hand of Yapha. It could be easily held by a woman, or with a sickening lurch in her gut, by a child. The dagger was meant for _Shani_.

“Thank you for the thoughtful gift, Your Majesties.” Yapha inclined his head respectfully towards the current rulers of Skarde before stepping up to the dais and resumed his seat next to Theodora.

Then another man stepped forward, while the man before retreated with his precious cargo, most likely to be gathered with the other gifts they would receive for through the day. This time the man only brought a small chest which was easily carried upon both of his hands.

“We also have a gift for you, dearest daughter, for presenting such a gift to our Yapha.” This time it was Queen Asitasivi who spoke on their behalf, her eyes crinkled in warmth as she called her dearest daughter, which told Theodora that the words extended beyond mere courtesy from a mother-in-law to her daughter-in-law, making her unconsciously smile in return.

Theodora took a sharp intake of breath when the gift was revealed to her. It was a tiara, glittering brightly under the sunlight with diamonds and rubies and jade with matching necklace. Despite the various gems decorating the jewelry, the design itself was simple and elegant, making them easy to wear with any dresses. She could see how the reaction from the courtiers came mostly from the female courtiers who realized the significance of the gift quicker than their male counterparts. In Skarde, only the Queen or the promised bride to the King or the consort of the future King could wear tiaras. Basically, only the first and second highest ranked ladies in court could wear them, otherwise, they could only wear headpieces or any other hair accessory. By giving the tiara, Theodora had been openly acknowledged as the second highest-ranked lady in the Skardean court and that she was not to bow to anyone else but the King and Queen and her royal husband the Prince.

Her usual reaction would be to turn down the gift and to stutter her unworthiness for receiving such a lavish gift, but she knew how it would appear to the court. Besides her initial display of surprise, Theodora gave away nothing of her discomfort and managed to put a smile on her face, thinking of the thought behind the gesture, of the woman behind the gift.

“I wish I could properly express my gratitude for this wonderful gift, Your Majesties.” Theodora winced inwardly at the choice of words, wondering if it was too much flattery.

“Then our greatest gift would be for you to wear them.” The King smiled with the same smile he previously wore for his son.

“And I shall gladly do so.” Theodora inclined her head slightly in agreement, minding to keep it short and succinct, so she wouldn’t appear too eager or too obsequious, and also to make sure the gift presenting session would progress no longer than necessary. As she expected, with her words, the man bearing the chest of tiara stepped back and the master of ceremonies picked up where she left off and called the next representative to present their gift.

The next gift came unsurprisingly from Anatoria, the Anatorian ambassador for Skarde himself came forward to present the gifts, which number made her blink in surprise. It seemed her brother spared no expenses in his gifts, but then again, considering that an Anatorian lady, his own sister, managed to give the Crown Prince a healthy heir since his last heir’s untimely death and a heir who was expected to be the future King of Skarde himself after his father. Theodora found herself pursing her lip, barely biting it in her dismay at the obvious gesture. Not only the King of Skarde, the King of Anatoria was also showing his favor to Yapha, which would not be taken well by those vying for the throne of Skarde.

Theodora managed to keep a polite smile on her face as Lord Barlian, the Anatorian ambassador, delivered his master’s wishes for the young prince and his royal parents and said the appropriate words to express her thanks for the gifts from her ‘dearest’ brother. She would not give any reason for her half-brother to doubt her loyalty to him, when her loyalty was to her son and husband first and foremost, though she couldn’t quite quell the feelings of sadness and rejection.

Yapha noticed this well-concealed reaction towards the well wishes from the Tore King, only because he was next to her and maybe, because he was starting to understand her. He didn’t fail to notice the slight sadness in her eyes as she thanked her dearest brother for the gifts, knowing that the sentiment would not be returned. However, he was surprised to find her eyes brightened and her smile turned genuine when a much smaller box of gifts which consisted of small dresses and silver trinkets and rolls of parchment was presented, gifts that appeared too ordinary among the other gifts from Anatoria.

The bearer of the box had mentioned that it was a gift from Princess Hazel and a Lady Monica. He recognized the names as the name of the other Princess of Anatoria, the current heir to the King and the other as the name of the maitresse en titre of the King, and it seemed that the princess had close relationship with both, interestingly. This time her expression of gratitude was more heartfelt, and the warm, bright smile on her face suited her better, unknowingly earning her stares from courtiers. He had to forcibly push down the sudden burst of displeasure that came over him when he saw the male courtiers started to pay more attention to Theodora, while the person herself was oblivious to the effect she had on people. The instinctive reaction and the strong feelings caught him off guard. He should be pleased that his wife was admired and accepted by the courtiers, not displeased, after all it would bade well for Theodora to have the public on her side. However, she was also his wife, and they should know better to treat her as such, not realizing that he had started addressing Theodora as his wife instead merely the princess in his mind.

Surprisingly the gifts from other kingdoms didn’t stop at Anatoria, Yapha didn’t think that the birth of a heir to the Crown Prince, whose claim to the throne was still questionable, wouldn’t attract much attention from outsiders. Either the King made his pleasure clearly known to them that they didn’t want to give any reason for the Argo King to be displeased with them or they were acutely aware of the significance of this event, almost as much as the courtiers of Skarde themselves, that the internal balance of power was shifting.

Yapha couldn’t help to think what a piece of work that his land was that they had to be wary for the slightest change. It showed how fragile and illusive the peace Skarde had, even Anatoria was much more stable, the rise of Scotty Tore was the only exception to the usually smooth succession and the man also managed to make it as quick and efficient as possible without spilling unnecessary blood, which boosted his popularity among the people. Oh, he loved his land, that went without saying, he couldn’t think of living in any other land and wouldn’t think twice for laying his life for its protection, but he was aware of its ugliness as much as he was aware of its beauty. If he intended to change Skarde, or he wanted a change at all, he had to start with the royals themselves, and the nobles that were related or allied to them. He mulled this over as the royal wives presented their gifts, followed by their sons and daughters, the princes and princesses of Skarde.

He was well aware that none of them were pleased with the arrangements, of having to present gifts for his heir when it would mean they would indirectly acknowledge his position as next in line to the throne, but they wouldn’t give anything away. They would give the best gifts and pay him and his wife and son the respect demanded of them, while trying to gain leverage through the gifts, whether an impression or something else. The sixth prince, Mulla managed to impress the courtiers with his gift of jeweled silver horse, instead of traditional wooden horse and his presenter certainly made it last by remarking the dagger from the King. Mose didn’t appear slighted by his younger brother’s success, laughing and clapping along the chosen representative of his brother. Mose might not get along with other princes, but he was certainly close to his brother by the same mother, so his show of support to Mulla shouldn’t be cause of concern, but his calm demeanor certainly was. He wouldn’t be that calm unless he had something else.

He had kept watch on his half-brother throughout the presentations, watching his reaction closely whenever new representatives stepped forward with their gifts. After several gifts from prominent noble families, he thought he caught something in Mose’s expression that made him pay attention to the man who stepped forward; the crest on the box he carried was already telling enough.

The Rans.

Haisha’s family. Mose’s family. He should have seen this coming.

Yapha managed to maintain a tight rein of his emotions as the Ran family representative displayed such lavish gifts that easily put other gifts down with their detailed and extensive artwork on them along with the number and variety of jewels that decorated them. They were undoubtedly an extravagant piece of art, as expected from the family who was the patron to many renowned artists. He could at least acknowledge this, though he could see that Theodora admired the gorgeous pieces that the Rans presented as gifts. Slightly distracted by his wife’s inquisitive look, he almost didn’t pay attention to the last of the gifts, which appeared to be a simple silver rattle. In a slight glance, there was nothing special to the silver toy, but as his keen eyes caught on the details, which included a small imperfection that was similar to a dent that one wouldn’t expect from a new toy, were it a new toy.

It took all of his willpower for Yapha to hold the reins of his emotion when he recognized the rattle as Rhonda’s. It was the very same rattle the Rans had given him and Haisha at the celebration of Rhonda’s birth. It was the very same rattle that his first son often played with, that he had ordered to be destroyed among his belongings because they reminded him too much of Rhonda, of his son by Haisha, who died by the hands of the Rans who desired the death of him and his children. Instantly he understood the reason behind his Ran half-brother’s calmness, he had sent him a warning, or a threat through the rattle, by reminding him the fate of the ones who received it last.

Theodora had expected the last of the gifts from the Ran family would be the most exquisite of all the gifts, but was surprised to find that it was merely a simple rattle. However the silvery color of the toy seemed rather blemished that she recognized from old, used toys. Then there was something in the bearer’s expression and something else in the air that made her wary. She risked a glance to her husband only to be taken aback with the tenseness in his features. She could see the hands that were clenched tightly on the armrests were trembling with repressed emotions. Whatever the rattle signified, it didn’t bear good meaning that her husband was close to tearing apart. There were burning anger and hatred, but there were also inherent pain and grief that made her heart ache for him. The court was waiting for their response to the gifts, but Yapha was in no condition to give them anything. Torn between comforting her prince and waiting for his response, Theodora made a split-second decision.

Her hand went on top of his hand; the smaller hand covered the larger hand, remaining there as Theodora addressed the representative and the court. She mustered all the courage and confidence she had as she raised her voice to be heard clearly.

“We thank you for the thoughtful gifts, my lords and ladies of the Rans. The gifts are certainly outstanding; I believe the court has made up their minds which gifts are to their liking and they would like to have, given the chance.” She said this with a playful smile directed towards the interested courtiers who gave embarrassed chuckles and in turn elicited laughs from the other courtiers, easing the tension that she hadn’t realized was there.

“Please give our thanks to your artists for their excellent workmanship; they have outdone themselves with these gifts. I recognize some of them as the works of the likes of Barintha and Lorei whose masterpieces in the palace I admire. We are pleased to have them and so would our son.” Theodora was glad that she had interest in arts that she had grown a familiarity to the works of Skardean artists and craftsmen. She would have ended it there, but her intuition told her that whatever the rattle signified, it should imply something unpleasant about their son and for that reason alone she couldn’t let them off easily.

“And we would wish that we could return the favor to your sons and daughters should their celebration call for gifts. Though you have made it difficult for us to look for suitable gifts, considering that most of the talented artists are already at your disposal. I hope you’d forgive us if you find our gifts lacking.” This earned another series of laughs from the courtiers as they had the experience the same difficulty when they had to present gifts to the Rans, though it turned into genuine laughs when they realized that they weren’t the only ones. Shilla who had been watching the courtiers since the very beginning were surprised to note how well the princess handled the court without resorting to excessive flattery or putting down others. She managed to remain courteous while being truthful, a rarity in the court of Skarde. She had unconsciously made herself pleasant and approachable, another rarity among the royalties. Shilla couldn’t help to note this with interest.

Yapha who had been broken out of his stupor the moment he felt her comforting hand on his own had watched with bemusement and fascination when the princess took reign of the situation with surprising grace and wit, easily winning the audience over. However he was most surprised at the last part of her speech where she had managed to turn the tables against the Rans without knowing the meaning behind the rattle. Returning the favor, if she were to end it there, it would sound too vague and too much of a threat, but she didn’t and instead made the comment appear natural as part of a response to the gifts. He could see the baffled looks on the Rans at this response, and most notably on the face of Mose. Mose, with the Rans, had intended to make a win through the rattle and the rest of the gifts in this occasion, but instead it was Theodora who made an impression on the court by her gracious acceptance speech. In the end of the day, he suspected that Theodora’s words would be more remembered than their extravagant gifts.

Yapha ended their response to the gifts by a simple thank you which urged the master of ceremonies to continue with the next representatives. Yapha found himself breathing easier as he lost sight of the boxes from the Rans. Theodora who noticed this change decided that her comfort was not needed anymore and was about to pull her hand away when his hand clasped her hand instead. He didn’t let go of her hand through the remainder of the day. Only the sharp-eyed and well-versed courtiers noticed this small gesture, among them was a dark-haired lady of the Ran.


	9. Chapter 9

Theodora spent the rest of the festivities as a mere observant as she watched with interest the culture of the land of her son and husband. She found herself being treated more deferentially than before, which should not come as a surprise with the acknowledgment that she was to be the second highest-ranked lady in the court. She had also worn the tiara that was her gift from the Queen, and found it easy to match with her dresses throughout the festivities. She herself had prepared all the dresses she was to wear throughout the weeklong celebration. Her unique style had been accepted and met the approval of the courtiers, Theodora could have sworn that she had seen some noblewomen wore similar-styled gown she wore barely a day from her first appearance. She had commented on this to her ladies, who tittered in response and were immediately silenced with a glare from Posya who merely pointed out that some women were quick to imitate whatever suited their taste, regardless of the expenses and that this was a good sign because the female courtiers were starting to look up to her as they would look up to a future Queen. Theodora smiled tightly at this, her position as Queen was not a certainty and was not desired, but she said nothing.

She had been from the nursery to visit her son before attending dinner in the great hall in the fourth day of the celebration when she came across two voices arguing in the hallway.

“Dinara, you’re unwell! Didn’t I tell you to stay in bed?” A concerned voice spoke up.

“I want to go with you!” A childish voice responded, petulant.

Theodora walked slowly and quietly as the voices grew louder and the owner of the voices came within sight. A woman was kneeling before a young child of three or four. The woman appeared to be dressed for dinner with the elaborate beads and embroidery on the gown, while the little girl also dressed in similar outfit though in smaller size. Theodora couldn’t help to note this fondly, she would like to do the same if she was granted a girl. Two ladies were standing awkwardly away from the two of them.

“You can have dinner with Maya back in our quarters. You don’t have to go with me.” The mother reasoned gently.

“I want to eat dinner with you,” the child, Dinara, remained stubborn. She would have made quite a sight with her chubby cheeks and pouting lips were it not for the worrying redness on her cheeks that was the obvious sign of a fever.

“I can’t eat with you tonight. I have to be with Grandpa.”

“Grandpa’s a big boy. He can eat his dinner by himself.” Theodora had to restrain her chuckle at this, and she could see that the mother and her ladies were trying not to laugh in fear of hurting the child’s feelings.

“I promised Grandpa. And you know what a promise is, don’t you?” The mother reached to hold the small hands, “I must do what I promised.”

“Can’t I just go with you?” The child was close to tears, her tone pleading.

“I’m sorry, my dear. I don’t want you to become sicker. If you eat dinner in your room and sleep, you might get better tomorrow and you can even go to dinner with me.”

The promise didn’t seem to interest the child, who stared forlornly at the floor. The mother seemed to realize that there was something more to her daughter’s insistence of going to dinner with her.

“Hey, you can tell Mother everything, can’t you? You know Mother won’t laugh.”

“It’s… too quiet. It’s… not home.” Finally the child looked up, her grey eyes teary.

“Oh, Dina.” The mother took her daughter in her arms who sniffed against her shoulder, not caring whether her gown was ruined from her little girl’s snot and tears.

“Excuse me?” Theodora decided to speak up, stepping forward. The two ladies, most likely a lady-in-waiting to the mother and a nursemaid for the child, who were the closest to Theodora were quick to recognize the princess and sank to a curtsey, while the mother followed after with the child in her arms.

“Please rise,” Theodora told them while she approached the mother and child. “I happened to pass by, Lady…”

“Baris, Marviani Baris, Your Highness.” The light-haired woman, who appeared not much older than herself, gave her name.

“Lady Baris, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation,” Theodora smiled apologetically, before looking in concern at the girl in her mother’s arms. “How is she?”

“She was well this morning, but then suddenly she developed a fever. By the end of the day, she is feverish and shivering.” Marviani couldn’t conceal her worry for her daughter. Theodora knew the feeling. Neither Alea nor Hero had been robust and healthy children. They could easily catch illness. When a child was in pain, you couldn’t help to feel the pain as though it was your own.

“Have you summoned a physician?”

“I haven’t had the chance to.” Marviani shook her head.

“If I may give you a suggestion, instead of taking your daughter back to your quarters, your maid could take her to the nursery.” There was a moment of a silence before the suggestion registered to the young mother.

“The nursery? Your Highness must not have meant Prince Shani’s nursery.”

“I have only one nursery that I know of, and I have access to.” Theodora tried to make light of the situation, knowing that behind her, her chief lady-in-waiting was frowning in disapproval at the unnecessary gesture, but she had learned to ignore the older woman. She could already imagine how the scolding would go in her mind.

“It wouldn’t be too quiet with my son and his caretakers in the nursery. While she is there she can also be checked by my personal physician. Your daughter will be taken care of and you can attend the dinner without worries.”

“I-” Marviani was at loss at words. The offer was too kind and too generous, and she was afraid that she couldn’t repay it, but she didn’t dare to refuse the offer of the princess and truthfully, she didn’t wish to. She was concerned for her daughter, and she had heard that the slightest illness in children could easily take a turn to the worse if it weren’t treated quickly. What better physician she could ask for than the personal physician of the prince himself?

“Your Highness is too kind” was the only response she could come up with.

Marviani gently pried her daughter away; Dinara protested loudly at the lack of contact with her mother but managed to be moved to the nursemaid. Theodora stepped back to give some privacy for the mother and child as Marviani murmured soothing words to her daughter. Afterwards, Dinara seemed to be more settled, allowing Marviani to part with her daughter and let the nursemaid follow the lady-in-waiting of the princess to the nursery. Marviani didn’t move until she lost sight of her daughter.

“You could pick her up once you could excuse yourself from the dinner.” Marviani was rather abashed that she had been ignoring the princess’ presence in her worry over her daughter, but the princess didn’t seem to mind, a kind smile on her foreign features. The Anatorian princess mistook the embarrassment for her obvious intent to excuse herself from the dinner.

“I think your father would understand if you were to excuse yourself early. I certainly do not mind, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You have been too kind to me, Your Highness.” Marviani certainly didn’t expect such act of kindness from the princess who barely knew her. She couldn’t help but wonder whether she recognized her from her family name. She might have, but she didn’t appear to fake her concern or her kindness. She usually knew when someone was lying to her.

“It’s nothing.” Theodora brushed away the gratitude; she was merely doing the right thing. “Shall we go to the dinner?” The young princess gestured to her side, clearly expecting the other woman to walk by her side, Marviani wondered whether it was intentional. Again, she was in no position to refuse the wife of the Crown Prince. She obeyed wordlessly, walking next to the Anatorian lady to the hall, while her lady-in-waiting fell behind along with the other ladies. Only when they approached the entrance she excused herself, careful not to be seen together with the princess.

Theodora didn’t stop the woman, noticing her discomfort around her. She wondered whether she was too careless, and a part of her that suspiciously sounded like Posya pointed out that she had been way too careless with her newly acquired status. She returned her attention as she walked towards the table at the end of the hall where the royal family dined together while nodding and smiling graciously to the courtiers who greeted her. It still felt odd that she needed not to curtsey at all save to the King and Queen and her husband the Prince. She had been too used to being the one who gave the obeisance, instead the one being given obeisance to.

“My Lady Sister.” Familiar voice made her smile at the intimate address. Prince Shilla had given her a slight bow in accordance of her status and position, but the smile on his face couldn’t be mistaken merely as an extension to courtesy.

“My Lord Brother,” Theodora returned the smile with one of her own. Shilla had been more her brother than her real brother, ensuring her comfort in the foreign land when others, which included her very own husband, didn’t. He had been her first friend in the palace, and had come to consider him as her brother.

“May I walk you to the table? Brother has mentioned that he would be late.” The sixth prince offered his hand.

“Is that so? Very well, then.” Theodora saw the table reserved for the royals were still empty, save for the Queen who gestured for her and the sixth prince to come join her. She placed her hand on the proffered hand as they threaded among the courtiers. Only then she realized the looks sent their way, especially Shilla’s. It took her a while to consider how it might look to them. She felt like scolding herself, she really ought to think more before she acted. Her actions were being heavily scrutinized by the courtiers; the slightest mistake could have dire consequences.

“Would it really be alright for you to be seen together with me?” There was a slight surprise crossing his youthful features.

“I think the question should be, would it really be alright for _you,_ my brother’s wife, to be seen together with _me,_ my brother’s unmarried younger brother?”

“You are also His Highness most trusted and valued brother.”

Shilla ducked his head slightly in embarrassment at the high praise; his long hair couldn’t quite hide his pleased smile. The expression was achingly similar to a dark-haired child who would react in the same manner whenever he was praised.

“And so you are to me, Brother.” His smile turned soft at the princess’ assurance. “I’m just worried how this would bode for you. You’re the only prince to openly give your support to the Crown Prince, which is unheard of for princes from different mother.”

“Brother Yapha and I would stand by the first and second princes were they still alive.” Shilla reminded Theodora of the stories of their childhood, where the first, second, third and sixth princes grew up together. Lady Sophia, Yapha’s mother had been close to Queen Asitasivi and raised the children together, so the closeness between the three eldest princes of the King was not surprising. Shilla became close the princes of the Queen only because of his relationship with Yapha, who had called him affectionately his little shadow, a nickname that Setra and Razier also adopted as they took him in. Theodora smiled at the reminder that the princes’ past was not always filled strife.

“I’ve always been known to be close to Brother, that’s why I don’t quite get along with other princes. I’m simply making it official.”

“I suppose so…” Theodora recalled the tension she happened to stumble across between the sixth and seventh princes. She had wondered the display of hostility despite their age closeness, but then it became clear when Yapha had come in between them. Though the memory also painfully reminded her how calm and confident Mose was despite standing on his own against two princes who were older than him. The Ran prince would certainly not be an easy opponent.

As they conversed, they had reached the wide table on the top of the dais. Both Theodora and Shilla made their obeisance to the elder lady who brushed the formality with careless wave of hand while gesturing them to join her impatiently.

“Daughter,” Queen Asitasivi smiled widely as she greeted Theodora. “Shilla.”

“My Lady Mother.” Theodora kissed both of the Queen’s cheeks alternately before sitting down on the empty seat next to her. Shilla took the empty seat next to Theodora after returning with a “Your Majesty.”

“I saw you with the daughter of Lord Baris.” As expected, the Queen was not to bother with small talk. Theodora and Shilla shared looks of amusement.

“Only until the entrance.” Theodora was careful to answer, not elaborating as she allowed the servers to fill the plate and goblet in front of her. She only continued after the servers were done with their duty. “I happened to come across her and her young daughter. Young Dinara Baris was unwell.”

“Oh dear. She must be very worried.” The Queen picked up some food onto her plate. “Let me guess, you offered Patra to check on the little girl.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation before Theodora answered, “…I did.”

“I take it that was not the only offer you gave Lady Baris.” Shilla read her hesitation correctly.

“…I also told her that her daughter could stay in the nursery.” The Queen and Shilla stopped in the middle of their motion to look at the princess sitting between them.

“You are aware how that gesture could be construed.” Queen Asitasivi told her daughter-in-law, her tone was the closest to a scolding.

“I think so, Your Majesty.” Theodora couldn’t confidently state that she really knew what she was doing; she was really new at this.

“It was a great display of trust when you placed a child of another’s in the same nursery.” Asitasivi stopped eating in favor of talking with the young, inexperienced princess.

“She… truly cares for her daughter’s well being.” Theodora felt the need to explain her actions, why she found stranger can be trusted. “She didn’t lose her patience with her daughter. She didn’t show any discomfort or awkwardness while handling her child. She was in the middle of the hallway when she took her daughter in her arms, not caring whether her child spoiled her expensive gown. She didn’t look ashamed when I announced my presence.” Marviani only seemed embarrassed when she mentioned of excusing early, or maybe, Theodora surmised, she was embarrassed because she was too focused on her daughter that she didn’t accorded her princess with proper respect. She didn’t notice it at first, but that could also explain the embarrassment and wariness.

“From what I learned, Skardeans are not ones to openly display their closeness with their children and such open display is frowned upon. I think that alone speaks much of her character.”

Asitasivi couldn’t help but shake her head in disbelief and admiration. What she lacked in experience was made up with her sharp observation and keen judgment. All of those, and her ability to make others return the trust she gave them.

“I think you may have found yourself a strong ally, Sister.” Shilla remarked casually, hiding an amused smile behind the goblet of wine he drank with.

“We barely exchanged words. She excused herself before we went into the hall because she didn’t want to be seen with me.” Theodora wondered where the certainty came from, frowning at Shilla’s confident remark.

“Make no mistake, Theodora, the Baris is a powerful family. They have strong claim, if not stronger claim to the throne of Skarde than the Argos. They might not be as prominent as the Rans are, but they have considerable influence over noble families. They might be the only ones that could stand against the Rans.” The Queen covered this by continuing her interrupted dining, gesturing Theodora to follow.

“If that is true, then why don’t they try to seize the throne? I don’t recall any of the wives coming from Baris family.” Theodora followed the Queen’s example.

“Because they didn’t offer any of their daughters for marriage to the King.” Asitasivi stated simply.

“Their numbers are dwindling.” This time it was Shilla who continued to explanation. “There are many rumors regarding this, but regardless of the truth, the Barises couldn’t spare their children. They make special care to arrange matches for their children. Royal matches are the kind they avoid most, which is understandable, considering the high rate of mortality. For the same reason, they aren’t as actively involved in the politics of the kingdom as before. That might change though, if you manage to catch their interest.”

“I have only met one of them.” Theodora was struggling to follow the two royals’ line of thinking.

“As Shilla has mentioned, their numbers are dwindling. They couldn’t afford to have differing opinions. They must stay united.”

“Oh.” Theodora finally understood the implications. The members of Baris family couldn’t make their own decision without consulting each other, as the decision of one would reflect upon them all as a whole. She could understand Marviani’s reluctance better now. “Should I push?”

Asitasivi didn’t immediately respond to her query, her face wrinkled in thought.

“It’s best not to. The fact that the Barises themselves are appearing in this celebration is already significant enough. They are thinking of getting involved in politics again.”

“It’ll be great if they choose to ally themselves with us, but if they don’t, it’s better for them not to be allied with anyone at all.” Shilla spoke for both of them.

“Then if they decide to approach me, what should I do?”

“If they decide to approach you, it’s because they see something in you, and you can only show them if you are to remain yourself.”

“That certainly doesn’t sound too hard.” Theodora concealed a grimace as she took a sip of her wine, earning amused laughs from the Queen and Prince Shilla who exchanged wary looks over the princess. If the Barises decided to approach the princess at all, then it would mean that they would eventually approach the prince himself, which would signify the greatest shift of power in Skardean politics. Theodora might be very well the spark that lit or burned Skarde. But the princess didn’t need to know this, not yet. 

*

*

*

Theodora was taking advantage to the warm weather, deciding to take little Shani for a walk around the gardens instead of attending the festivities. She already sent a message to her husband the Crown Prince that she excused herself from today’s festivities to spend time with Shani. She immediate set out to the gardens with her ladies and guards when she received the reply to her message that gave her permission to be absent from the festivities.

The young mother herself carried Shani in her arms due to her insistence. The members of the nursery had come to learn that the princess was not one to conform to tradition, which statement made the members of the princess household looked at each other then looked at the caretakers of the young prince in slight disbelief that it took them a while to come to that realization. They had known their mistress would never be the one to conform to Skardean tradition. The ladies of the princess herself had grown incredibly close and tight to each other and protective and loyal to their mistress despite their differences after everything they went through with Theodora. They had learned their mistress’ needs and safety precautions. They were their princess’ second line of protection should the first protection fail. That was why they were spread out evenly in every direction in the gardens and arranged themselves in accordance to the guards’ position.

Theodora was introducing the parts of the flower to Shani whose hand grabbed the parts his mother mentioned, eagerly pulling and tugging everything in his grasp to his mother’s amusement. Theodora lightly scolded her son, pulling the small hand away from the poor plants. Her heart was overflowing with love and affection for her child and her relief and gratitude for the blessing that was her child. She kissed her son’s forehead, smoothing the dark strands before she continued her lessons. She was interrupted though, by Posya who announced that she had a visitor.

“Who is it?” Theodora wondered who it could be; since the festivities were still in full swing, regardless tomorrow was going to be the last of them.

“It is Lady Marviani Baris and her daughter.” She nearly forgot of the Baris lady and her daughter until this day. She had taken her daughter out from the nursery before Theodora could check on her, and had never seen any of them again afterwards. She thought that the Barises had told their daughter to stay away from her and her family. That was why Theodora didn’t think of her or her noble family anymore. The visit was surprising in itself, since she didn’t summon the lady, which meant that Marviani took the initiative on her own. Theodora couldn’t quite figure out the significance of this gesture.

“Let her come join us.” Theodora decided to find out.

“Your Highness.” The noblewoman immediately sank to a curtsey within her sight, her small daughter by her side managed to follow her mother’s example.

“Please rise, ladies.” The moment she rose from her curtsey and looked at her son in her arms, the little girl exclaimed loudly.

“Shani!” Breaching the protocol, the young Baris ran towards the princess and the prince before her mother could stop her.

“Dinara!” There was a note of surprise and reprimand in her voice, but her daughter didn’t seem to notice.

“Can I see Shani?” Wide grey eyes looked up to Theodora expectantly. Chuckling in amusement, ignoring the child’s mother in favor of her daring daughter, Theodora went down to Dinara’s height, bringing her son into view.

“Shani, look who’s here.” Shani’s reacted towards her voice, blue eyes darting around before it settled on the awed little girl. The young prince reached out his small hand, gurgling happily as though he recognized the newcomer.

“Does he know me?”

“I think he does.” This answer seemed to excite the girl.

“Mother, mother, look! Shani knows me!”

“Forgive me for my daughter’s rudeness, Your Highness.” Marviani looked apologetic.

“She is but a child. I don’t think she’s quite aware of the protocols,” Theodora couldn’t help to laugh; it was refreshing to see children acting like children. Some of the nobles’ children that attended the festivities she encountered were much too calm and serious for children their age, almost like a miniature of their noble parents, and the youngest was merely five years of age. It was worrisome.

“Why don’t we sit down so you can play with Shani, Dinara.” Theodora stood up, beckoning the mother-daughter pair to follow her to the garden chairs where a crib was set up between them. Theodora laid her son in the crib, while Dinara eagerly pulled herself up on the chair next to the crib and stood on the chair so she could play with the younger child. The mothers took the chairs next to their child.

“Well, it seems Dinara has grown attached to Shani in the short time she spent with him in the nursery.” Theodora was interested to note the attachment the girl had with his son.

“Dinara has always wanted a little brother.” Marviani sheepishly admitted.

“Given time, she would have one.” Theodora casually remarked.

“I’m afraid that wouldn’t be possible, at least not in foreseeable future.” The sadness in her voice made Theodora turned to look at the other woman who was gazing sorrowfully at her daughter, her hand absently stroking Dinara’s back.

“My husband, Dinara’s father, passed away a year ago.”

“Oh, my condolences. Forgive me for my thoughtless remark.” Theodora was surprised, Marviani didn’t seem much older than her and yet she was already a widow.

“You didn’t know, Your Highness,” Marviani shook her head not unkindly, “We would like to have another given the chance, but now all I have is Dinara.”

“That’s why I came here,” Marviani straightened up, looking steadily at Theodora. “I wanted to thank you for what you have done for my daughter. I couldn’t truly express my gratitude for your help. I would’ve been beside myself with worry had something to happen to my daughter.” Theodora’s heart went out to the young mother at the heartfelt words.

“Forgive me that it took me a while to come to you, but I thought it was best to move my daughter out the nursery as soon as possible. I wouldn’t like for the prince to catch my daughter’s illness. I have been looking after her ever since in my quarters. The medicine your physician prescribed works miracles, though he had refused payment for his services.”

“Then let it be,” Theodora raised her hand, knowing that Marviani would bring up the payment for the medicine and the physician.

“But-”

“It was my desire to help another mother in need, for I know how it feels if my own child is ill. It was my physician’s desire to help those in need; he has the right to choose whether to receive payment for his services. Let it be, I would ask nothing in return, so would my physician.”

“If there’s something I can do in return, what can I do for you, Your Highness?”

Theodora was completely caught off guard, not expecting the turn of events. When they discussed of the possibility of her being approached by the Barises, she thought that she would be the one to bring up the issue, not the other way around. She wondered whether it was a test of itself, but then what would be the best answer? Would it be too much if she asked this woman before her to ask her family to pledge her alliance with her husband? Would it place her in difficult position if her family didn’t agree with her?

_“If they decide to approach you, it’s because they see something in you, and you can only show them if you are to remain yourself.”_

She was the one Marviani came forward to, not her husband, not anyone else. She was the one who had helped her when the Baris lady in need, and deemed worthy to return her help. She would answer on her own behalf, not on anyone else’s behalf, because regardless of the kind of familiar the Barises were, Marviani would offer her services on her own behalf, not on her family’s behalf. Making up her mind, Theodora smiled to the lady kindly.

“Then, would you be my friend?” This time it was Marviani who was taken by surprise.

“Would you be a friend I could talk about nothing and everything? Would you be a friend I could entrust my life?” Theodora looked steadily into Marviani’s eyes as she asked this of her, never once removing her gaze from the other woman.

“I know it’s too much to ask in return, but if you could do it for me, I would be indebted to you for life. I would rather have a friend than a hundred allies in this place.” Because allies were not your friends, because allies were not people you could trust your innermost feelings and thoughts, because allies were not people you could give away everything that you were, because allies were not people you could cry and laugh together with. She would give anything to have one friend among the people in the palace.

“Is that all you’d ask of me?”

“There are many things I could ask of you, but I only ask of you what matters the most.”

For a moment, Theodora couldn’t read Marviani at all, which unnerved her, but she remained steady, not giving away her feelings. Then the Baris lady’s expression gentled, giving way to a smile.

“I’d be truly honored to be your friend, Your Highness.” At the response, Theodora released a relieved breath that she wasn’t aware she was holding.

“Then you may call me Theodora when there are only two of us. Can I call you Marviani?”

“You may Your Highness.” Marviani responded automatically, which earned her a disapproving shake of head from the princess.

“There are only two of us now, us and our children. I think this time counts.”

“…Theodora,” Marviani shyly called her by name.

“See, it is not that hard,” Theodora smiled brightly, her blue eyes twinkling. Seeing such open and bright smile, how could Marviani not return the smile with one of a kind? Marviani found herself relaxing in the presence of the gentle princess and knew with a certainty that she wouldn’t need to pretend to be her friend. She would be Theodora’s friend until the very end.

*

*

*

The celebration had finally reached its end. Yapha and his wife presided over the banquet for the last time. Theodora once again appeared resplendent in her golden-yellow gown, once again donning the diamonds decorated veil over her hair. However, the only jewelry she wore was a thin gold lace with diamond jewels on her brow and golden thread woven with her hair which was decorated into an intricate, yet elegant knot the likes of which had never been seen in Skarde before. No courtiers could take their eyes off her.

Yapha closed the festivities with a speech he carefully constructed with the aid of the Queen and his brother and ended it with a toast for the health of his son and his wife, while the King himself managed to add in another toast for Yapha himself at the very end. All in all, Yapha could say that it ended well, with so many things could have gone wrong and yet they didn’t. He wasn’t sure whether he should be grateful or worried. He had been pondering this when he came upon a familiar figure in his path from the hall to his quarters.

“Your Grace.” Yapha addressed Kardi Baris, the Duke of Bursa and the head of Baris family. Despite his status and position, the man was dressed simply and practically, compared to the King of Skarde. He stood poised and graceful, as expected from someone of his lineage. He also had such a quiet and imposing presence that made him incredibly wary.

“Your Highness.” Kardi bowed respectfully to the younger man.

“What can I do for you in such late hours?” Yapha chose direct approach for this certain man. Kardi seemed to appreciate it, if the smile on his face was any indication.

“Walk with me,” Kardi gestured towards the gardens. His grooms, who were also his guards, immediately stood at attention, their distrust palpable in their body language. Yapha raised his hand, judging the man carefully. He barely interacted with the man; all he knew of him was based on his achievements. He was known as a brilliant strategist and great diplomat, but nothing else that would suggest him to use underhanded tactic. He had his sword with him, and his men were nearby, that should be enough.

“Very well. I’ll go with you. Stand down,” Yapha ordered his men, wordlessly told them to spread out and made a boundary around the area.

Yapha let the older man lead him, falling in step as they walked side by side in the vast gardens of the palace.

“Good men you have there.”

“Could we settle with less?”

“Indeed.”

“Your young wife… is truly one of a kind, isn’t she?” There was something in the tone of his voice that made Yapha didn’t quickly react in defensive manner.

“She is,” Yapha didn’t bother to refute his statement.

“My daughter is quite taken with her.”

“It seems so.” Yapha didn’t miss the interaction between his wife and the youngest child of Baris. There was a level of comfort and trust between them that hadn’t been there before.

“You’re quite an interesting fellow yourself.”

“I take that as a compliment.”

“You very well should, Your Highness. I’ve seen no one else less willing than you are reigning over the court of Skarde.”

Yapha looked coldly at Kardi at his careless remark, but the Baris lord didn’t even flinch for the slightest.

“That obvious?”

“Compared to your brother, you are.” Yapha had to smirk at that, Mose made no attempt to conceal his ambition. Ironically, he who never declared his intention or desire for the throne was actually considered for the throne. Fate, or simply his father the King, certainly had a twisted sense of humor.

“Then what would you do about it?”

“Setting you up on the throne of Skarde, of course.” Kardi responded as though the answer was obvious. Yapha stopped and stared at the man in disbelief.

“Sometimes the ones who have the least desire for power are better suited for it, because they won’t use the power for themselves.”

“I’m not going to be anyone’s puppet.” Yapha’s response was quick and sharp.

“No one is asking you to. Besides, no strings would be enough to hold you back, Prince Yapha, unless you allow them to.”

“What do you want, Lord Baris?” Yapha had enough of the word games; he turned to fully face Kardi, bringing up his full height to the man’s shorter height and stature. Kardi met his gaze levelly as though he wasn’t affected by the prince.

“Change. That’s all I want, My Lord Prince. _Change_.”

*

*

*

Since their nightly exchange in the last day of the festivities to celebrate the birth of his son, Yapha had kept quiet of his alliance with the Duke of Bursa, only few people were in the know, even the King himself was not included. Theodora herself was among them, due to her friendship with the only daughter of Kardi Baris. She was careful not to be seen with Marviani. Both sides knew the significance of the alliance between the Crown Prince and the oldest noble family of Skarde. They had to be careful to choose the time to reveal the alliance.

Months had passed since the celebration of the birth of Prince Shani. The young prince had grown into a healthy and robust child. He had been the pride and joy of the Crown Prince and his wife. Prince Yapha had been given more authority in the council, making strategic decisions for his father the King and sending out his brothers instead of himself whenever problems arose. He only rode out when his involvement was necessary. He was gaining popularity among the courtiers and people alike. He wasn’t surprised with his popularity with the courtiers; they had found him fascinating since his birth, being the son of the elevated Lady Sophia. He was surprised with his popularity with the people though, and especially his son. It seemed that the charity sent out under the name of his son gave better light of royalties, especially his son and him as his father, when Yapha knew that it could only be attributed to Theodora and her consideration to the situation of the people.

Yapha watched with admiration and fascination how the princess grew into the role of the wife and mother of future kings of Skarde.It was nothing he would expect from the young woman he first met, who had the tendency to keep her head and gaze down around him and the courtiers. He would have thought it would be difficult for her to adapt with her sudden rise to the position of the second highest-ranked lady at court, but Theodora made it seem easy. It appeared that once she overcame her reluctance in mingling with the courtiers and made an effort to do so, Theodora was more than capable in handling court and royal matters. She had quickly caught on the need of the court for entertainment that she arranged for a week of art and music where all of the best Skardean artists and musicians took part in, regardless of their sponsors, and with their skills, they brought the palace to life, redecorating the halls with art, filling all nooks and crannies with music, eliciting cries and laughter from the courtiers, bringing the nobility together.

While at the same time, Theodora also ensured that the remaining allowance given to her was given to charity, which was surprisingly plenty, considering the scale of the event. This would only mean that his wife was either careful in her expenses or persuasive enough to acquire lesser expenses for the event. It had surprised him to know from the Queen that Theodora took care of the preparation completely on her own. He was only aware of her intention and the preparations done around the palace. When he stepped into the redecorated great hall, he was as surprised and impressed as other courtiers. If the celebration of Shani’s birth didn’t change their opinion of the Anatorian princess, then certainly the art and music event did. The number of courtiers paying their respect or requesting an audience was significantly high that Baran had to heighten guard and add the number of guards, based on Patra’s reports.

Yapha was pleased to note that Theodora was careful that she didn’t receive all of the visitors and didn’t grant audience for all of them. He wholly approved those whom she decided upon to receive the privilege with the help of the Queen and Marviani. He was also interested to note that she kept the Anatorian ambassador at arms’ length, instead of making him into a confidant, which was the natural course of action for foreign royalty. She always granted Barlian audience and received him in her quarters, but nothing more. Shilla did mention that she had the makings of good courtier and more, given time, and Yapha privately agreed. She had a natural charm that drew others in and a soothing presence that put others at ease.

_Unlike Haisha._

The thought of his late wife often made him falter even for a short while, sweeping him up in pain and sadness and guilt and regret, but somehow this happened less to him. When her death was still fresh in his mind and his heart, everything and everyone seemed to remind him of her… until Theodora. Nothing of her reminded him of Haisha. Theodora was different, but she might be the very thing he needed to move forward.

“Your Highness.” Yapha looked towards the voice to find a familiar face from the past, which he found ironic considering his previous line of thought.

“Lady Sietha.” The dark-haired woman rose gracefully from her curtsey, taking the address as permission. She was still the young, attractive maiden he knew from the years serving her distant cousin. She had caught his interest with her sharp tongue as it was rare among the courtiers and rarer among Ran ladies, but he had seen her no more than a pleasant companion, a challenging debate partner. For that reason alone he didn’t continue on his way and instead gestured for her to walk with her and initiated a conversation.

“Are you not taking part in the masque?”

“I am content as mere spectator.”

“I would have thought you would like to be at the center of attention.” Sietha had been known for her notoriety among Haisha’s more mild-mannered ladies and she made no attempt to hide it. She didn’t look for attention, but also didn’t shy away from it.

“I would not like to take away the attention from the princess.” Sietha responded with her usual careless teasing manner.

Before, Yapha would have agreed with her remark. Sietha was dark whereas Haisha was light, but both of them were undeniably the epitome of Skardean beauty. He would have thought that Skardeans would choose beauties such as Sietha over Theodora, but knowing the princess and seeing the response towards her lately, he came to doubt this.

“Well, probably.”

There was a flicker of emotion that shadowed her features, but it was gone before Yapha could notice it. Sietha resumed as though the prince’s response didn’t matter.

“I thought you would agree. But then again, she is your wife and the mother of your child. Of course, you’d be obliged not to.”

Yapha felt a flash of annoyance at the assumption, though he was quick to stamp it down. Sietha, like most courtiers, knew no better, and it was for the best, considering how Skardeans viewed attachment. So the prince merely gave a tight smile, not giving any response to her words.

“We’ll part here,” he announced instead, when they reached a juncture, “It is good to see you.”

“Likewise, Your Highness,” Sietha returned the sentiment pleasantly as she curtsied with flourish, only rising to her feet when the crown prince’s entourage was in a distance. The smile on her face was gone, replaced with a hard look.

“Make sure they don’t lose him.” Sietha appeared to speak to her ladies, but the voice which answered to her came from nearby bushes.

“Yes, milady.” There was the barest movement in the bushes, before it went completely still, leaving the lady of the Ran family staring sightlessly at the place she saw the prince last.

*

*

*

Lord Baris had invited the Crown Prince and his wife to Kevari Manor as both Kardi and Yapha were in agreement that it would be a matter of time that their alliance would be widely known to the rest of the courtiers. They needed to decide their approach and the palace was not the best place to make plans without being noticed. Kevari Manor was one of the estates and lands in the Baris’ possession and was positioned at the outer edge of Bursa. The Manor was small compared to the Baris castle at the heart of Bursa, but it was close enough to the palace for the prince’s entourage to travel in short time and surrounded by people who was loyal to the Baris family that ensured their safety during their stay.

Theodora noticed how her husband was getting tenser as the day came for them to leave for Kevari and how he obsessed upon every single detail of their travel: from the means of transport, the stops taken, the number and choice of people to come with them to the things they brought with them. They had decided to bring Shani along; they felt much better having their son with them, fearing the worst should something happen when they were gone. He also made sure few people knew they were leaving, and fewer where they would leave for. Patra and Shilla were among the fewer ones who knew of the true nature of their excursion. Baran only knew vague details, but he was among the ones chosen to accompany them, while Shilla was requested to stay behind in the palace to keep watch for any changes in the palace that might require Yapha and Kardi’s immediate attention and change of plans in their approach.

Yapha was especially keen in the protection detail, more than once she or her ladies caught a glimpse of him with Patra and Govinda, his right hand man, with Baran, with Shilla and Kardi, or a combination of the two or three of them together. It was only because she was his wife and had access to most of places he was privy to and often occupied, Theodora was aware of this. She doubted the other courtiers noticed anything amiss with the crown prince.

Meanwhile, Posya was in charge of most of the preparation for the excursion. The elder lady was adamant in handling everything on her own and insisting that Theodora needed not to be involved and better lavished her attention on her son. Posya chose every of her things with care, which was to be brought along and most of her choices included simple, light dresses that attracted little attention and allowed movement but could be easily turned into an exquisite dress with certain modifications. She also brought along bottles of medicine and ointment from the stash provided by Patra.

All of this didn’t pass the princess’ notice, but she said nothing that gave away her knowledge of her surroundings. She had learned back in Anatoria how to be quiet and inconspicuous and how she would see and hear more when she was. In Skarde, she had learned how to be quiet by speaking the right words at the right time, how to be inconspicuous while being right in the middle of the attention. She also had been observant, but only in Skarde she had learned to correctly decipher what she saw and decided which knowledge was important.

She didn’t want to be a damsel in distress, who needed saving from a prince, or protection of an army but she was aware how out of depth she was among these experienced courtiers who knew everything that had to be done. She only knew how to ensure that she would not be a burden to them, such as keeping herself quiet and making herself scarce when she was not needed. She would give them no reason for complaint.

“Your Highness?” Theodora looked up from the sewing she was doing to her companion.

“It’s Theodora.” The fair-haired lady of the Baris family smiled sheepishly at the reprimand, the twinkling in the grey eyes betrayed her.

“No better way to capture your attention.” Marviani had come to learn that during their acquaintance that Theodora much preferred addressed by name in private and would be quick to correct those she given allowance to.

“Oh, have I been ignoring you?” Theodora looked truly abashed, an expression that would have been false in other courtiers, so was the following apology, which Marviani was also quick to cut.

“No, you haven’t,” Marviani shook her head, “You look like you have something in your mind. Is there anything I could do?”

“It’s nothing,” the princess gave a small smile, which only convinced the Baris that it wasn’t nothing.

“Is it regarding the excursion?” Marviani aptly guessed.

“What else to think about, really?”

“Do you not wish to come?” Marviani did notice that while the princess didn’t turn down the invitation, she said nothing regarding the arrangement, simply letting Prince Yapha to make the decisions.

“Of course I do,” Theodora didn’t allow her to doubt her desire to see her lands, “I’ve always wanted to see more of Skarde, of Bursa. It’s also a great opportunity to leave the palace and stay away from the court.”

Her friend had no love for the court, but Theodora was gifted when it came to it. The mother of Prince Shani knew how and when to make an appearance that she didn’t need to venture out too much. Her popularity had all but grown among the courtiers and surprisingly among the people, such a contrast to how she started as a foreign bride for Prince Yapha whom everyone gave little regard. Most attributed this change to the small prince with two royal bloods in his veins, for providing a heir to the crown prince. The shrewd ones though would attribute the change to Theodora herself, or to be more precise, Theodora’s change.

Change might not be the best word as it suggested that Theodora became someone she was not, because the princess was still the shy and awkward woman Marviani had caught a glimpse of during the wedding. She simply found the strength and self-confidence to be the person that she truly was beneath. To underestimate the Anatorian princess would be a mistake.

“Then what troubles you, milady?”

“It’s Prince Yapha,” finally Theodora relented. “His behavior of late when it comes to the preparation concerns me.” That statement made Marviani stop and reassess everything she noticed of the prince. She didn’t reach the same conclusion which made Theodora worry about her husband. It should not be a surprise since she spent little time around Prince Yapha and most of them in the presence of Princess Theodora. However, she had come to trust Theodora’s judgment. If there was something concerning about the prince, then there was something.

“He appears manic, almost obsessed, when it comes to the preparation.” Theodora looked concerned at this, but also confused, given away by the slight furrowing between her brows.

Marviani was tempted to sigh in impatience, but she curbed the urge because she knew it was not what the princess needed.

“Isn’t it natural for His Highness to be concerned for your and Prince Shani’s safety, especially considering what happened before his birth?” The Baris lady gently told Theodora.

“I suppose. But even back then, when he left for campaign while I was with Shani, he wasn’t like this. He was no less invested, but not like this,” Theodora clarified to her friend, shaking her head as she recalled those days. “There’s some dark, bitter edge to his actions, which was not there.”

Marviani leaned back in surprise, inwardly marveling at the ease which princess managed to pick up such minute detail upon the prince’s moods. Her father had mentioned this to her in passing, but she noticed nothing different with the prince and paid no further heed to his words. She should have known better. Marviani carefully reconstructed everything she knew of Prince Yapha, and tried to make sense of his mood for the princess. Prince Shilla might be able to provide better insight on his brother, but it was her whom Theodora came with her concerns, so she would try to the best her ability. Then everything fell into place, and Marviani felt foolish that it didn’t occur to her earlier.

“…Milady, do you know how Lady Haisha died?”

There was a long pause at the mention of her predecessor. Marviani wasn’t sure whether it was wise to bring up Prince Yapha’s previous wife, who had also succeeded in providing an heir for him.

“All I know that she and his wife were killed right before his eyes,” Theodora had abandoned the tapestry she was working on and held a distant look in her eyes despite her eyes were on the intricate patterns.

“Prince Yapha lost Lady Haisha and his son during their excursion outside the palace.” Theodora’s head snapped up, her blue eyes wide in surprise, her hand flew over to her mouth.

“There’s much speculation of what exactly happened. All we know is that the prince went out to visit the grave of late Lady Sophia, bringing along his wife and son with a small entourage and… he returned alone, with his deceased wife and son.” Marviani bit her lip at this, looking away from the princess, fully aware of her friend’s distress at the truth.

Theodora felt tears pricking at her eyes. She could see how much the death of Haisha and his son affected him, but now, knowing how he lost them, she could understand the reason behind his actions lately. She knew he was blaming himself for their death and this excursion, regardless of the different circumstances, would certainly bring back the memories. She couldn’t imagine how much pain and suffering the prince must be in, and there was nothing she could do.

“I’m sorry,” Theodora apologized, blinking her eyes to clear the tears away.

“I’m sorry too,” Marviani smiled apologetically, “Baris will not let anything happen to you while you are staying in Bursa. You’re under our protection there.”

“Thank you,” Theodora gave a small smile, but the worry was still there. She could see where her husband was coming from, and as much as she wished for the best, she also needed to be prepared for the worst.

*

*

*

Her ladies were scurrying around her chambers, those who were leaving and those who were staying behind had their own duties to perform. Anna was helping Theodora into her dark blue traveling gown when Posya announced Prince Yapha’s arrival. After ensuring that she was properly dressed, Theodora gave a nod to her chief lady-in-waiting to let him in. Yapha had clearly stated that he would not enter her inner chamber without her express permission, regardless by all rights; he was allowed to come and leave as he pleased. She was inwardly relieved, she was getting more comfortable around him, but not comfortable enough to have him in her inner chamber, her personal haven. And she knew he noticed her relief from the slight tightening of his features.

“Your Highness,” Theodora gave a shallow dip of her head in greeting.

“My Lady Princess,” Yapha inclined his head in return. “Shall we leave?”

“Let’s,” Theodora stepped forward, assuming her place by his side. She nodded her head towards her ladies as a parting gesture for those who stayed and a command for those who would come with her. The hallways were deserted, as they wanted by leaving in early hours. When they reached the yard, the horses were already prepared, groomed and saddled, their cloven feet beat against the earth impatiently. The men who were coming with them immediately gave respectful at their appearance. Theodora had recognized all of them, both Yapha and Baran’s men and she knew for certain that they were Yapha’s and Baran’s finest and they would be the first to lay down their lives should anything happen. Despite everything, she found within herself to give them a warm smile as she greeted them. Some of them merely nodded but most of them returned her smile with their own and that was enough for Theodora.

Yapha directed her towards the litters placed between the horses. Mistress Lena was already by the litter with Shani, who immediately squirmed in his nursemaid’s arms at the sight of his mother. The young woman curtsied in the presence of the two royals. Lena passed the little prince to Theodora without being asked.

“Mmma!” Shani gurgled happily once he was settled in her arms. The sight of her son never failed to bring a smile on her face. Feeling eyes on her, Theodora looked up to see Yapha with a soft look on his face and it made him appear less haunted. Without thinking, Theodora laid a hand on his arm and gave a gentle pressure on it.

“It’ll be alright.” Theodora’s clear blue gaze found his dark grey one, trying to reassure him the best way she could. Then she withdrew her hand and broke her gaze away from him, before he could do so. Wordlessly she went inside the litter, the drapes held back by her ladies. She settled herself comfortably among the pillows with Shani in her lap. Posya and Lena were the only ones in the same litter with her, ready to provide assistance in a moment’s notice. Once their entourage had taken their position, the litter was lifted and moved along with the horses by the command of Govinda. Theodora noticed that instead of taking the lead at the front of their entourage, Yapha rode along right next to her litter and more than once she caught his gaze through the transparent drapes.

*

*

*

Their small entourage managed to reach the Kevari Manor within their given time and without any impediment in their journey. Shani was excited of the change in his surroundings, marveling and pointing at things throughout their journey to Bursa. Theodora herself was no better than her son, as it was also her first venture outside the palace aside and glimpse of the kingdom that was Skarde aside from what she had seen on her way to the palace from the port since her arrival in Skarde. Theodora couldn’t help start comparing what she knew of Ramira and Anatoria with Skarde and found there were things that all kingdoms had and some others that were unique to each land. At first Lena was the one who helped with the explanations regarding everything they encountered, but then Patra joined in, and other Skardean men under Yapha also added their own knowledge of their beloved kingdom. Theodora half-expected Yapha to stop his men and expect constant vigilance from them, but he didn’t, he simply rode alongside her litter, as though he knew that despite having a conversation with them, they remained alert of their surroundings, or he simply not willing to disturb the lightness that came over their entourage. Stealing a quick glance at the quiet crown prince, Theodora thought it was both.

They were immediately greeted by the Barises themselves, Yapha already sending a messenger ahead when they were within the vicinity. The Barises greeted them from their ride, and among them Theodora could see Marviani and another woman who was either her sister or sister-in-law. They rode along with their entourage and Theodora was interested to note the people’s reactions towards the Barises. The family didn’t hesitate to greet every commoner on their way and in return, the commoner didn’t, greeting the noble family members with respectful bow and curtsey. The people looked well-cared for, reminding her of Ramira. It was no wonder of the respect and awe they gave to the family.

The Kevari Manor was positioned on a high land overlooking the lands around the manor. The manor was comparably smaller than Tore Castle, but it had the impression of more lived in with the care shown in every part of the manor. The architecture style was what Theodora recognized as traditional Skardean structure, with a combination of dark marble and mahogany with tall ceilings and many windows suited for Skardean dry and humid climate. Theodora would have liked to have such place as a home, instead a quarter in the palace.

Kardi, as the patriarch and the host welcomed them and led them into the manor, leading them to the dining chamber while her ladies and her husband’s grooms went ahead to prepare the assigned chambers and move in their belongings. Theodora was introduced to the Baris family, which included his oldest son and his wife, his second son and his only daughter, Marviani, and his brother and his youngest son. Theodora noticed the similarities, the traits they seemed to share not only in their features and stature but also in behavior. They were not so inclined in spending much time in meaningless gestures and courtesies, quite possibly because they were in their own domain. Fortunately, neither Yapha nor Theodora cared much for them. It was the most comfortable social affair Theodora ever had since she arrived in Skarde.

Theodora spent the time until dinner getting settled in her chamber and putting Shani to sleep in the cot next to her bed. Only when her son was fast asleep she went off to familiarize herself with the layout of the manor with the ever present company of her ladies and guards together with Marviani and Renaya, Marviani’s sister-in-law and distant cousin. Dinner was no less pleasant affair, but afterwards Yapha and Kardi and few of their chosen people convened in a private chamber that served as Kardi’s study in the manor to start discussing their next move based on the current situation. Since then, Theodora saw little of her husband and most of the men of Baris family.

Marviani and Renaya didn’t only offer companionship; they also offered better understanding of Skarde and its politics, of its economics and of its culture. They coached her through the courtly manners that she must pay attention to due to her unique position as the wife of the crown prince. They also gave suggestions how to make use of her position. At first, Theodora was a compliant student, content to merely listen as she absorbed the similarities and differences, but as she had better grasp of everything, she dared to speak up and voice her own opinions that often ended with the three women engaged in intense discussion. They were kindred spirits, despite their different backgrounds, and they found companionship within each other.

It was why, during the third day of her stay, Theodora decided to take the Baris women’s invitation to have a better look around Bursa and its people. Yapha didn’t relent easily when she came with the request, especially when she told him that they intended to bring the children with them, but with the aid of Kardi, they finally came upon a satisfactory arrangement of which places her and her companion should go to and if how long the time spent in each place.

Theodora had refused to use litter as it would attract much attention and it would only hinder their purpose. She preferred to travel on feet or on horse as they took a look around. She also agreed to only bring Posya and Lena and no more of her ladies, and to remain close to Patra and Baran at all times, in which case, she would ride with Baran when it came to travel with horse. She knew that Yapha would rather have Patra than Baran, but Patra wasn’t much of a rider and his limp didn’t aid him in this matter. Theodora still trusted Baran, regardless her husband’s misgivings.

The excursion went well, Theodora finally had the chance to interact with the people of Skarde and see by her own eyes what kind of land Skarde was. At first, Theodora tried to conceal her identity from the commoners, but her features and colorings were noticeably foreign to Skarde. Eventually, the people of Bursa seemed to know that they had the crown prince’s wife and son among them that they paid their courtesy to her and Shani first before Marviani and Renaya at the places they went to. Regardless, they didn’t shy away from her with this knowledge; instead they appeared curious and interested. They answered her questions with enthusiasm and helped her understand what she had difficulties with. What was obvious though, the people adored the children.

Dinara who had grown close to Shani, held him by the hand throughout their excursion, not letting him out of her sight like an older sister to her younger brother. Theodora and Marviani couldn’t help their giggles whenever Dinara scolded or fussed over the little prince. Lena who was trailing after them diligently seemed amused that her duty was taken over by a four year old. At times, Shani asked to be held by Theodora and she brought him along as she interacted with the people of Bursa. It appeared that seeing them together was making the royals easier to relate with as they opened up much quicker than she was on her own.

They decided to stop by before returning to the manor and have a picnic at a nearby stream where the children could play in. They were about to lay down the cover on the ground when Theodora could hear a rushing sound in the air. She could only watch in wide-eyed surprise when one of the men fell with an arrow in his chest.


	10. Chapter 10

“Your Highness! Your Grace!”

Kardi’s chamberlain stood at attention as he came barging in to the private chamber where Yapha and Kardi were currently looking over the map of Skarde. The apparent tension in the man’s posture was enough for them to cease their discussion and gave him their full attention.

“We have reports of a disturbance near Drei village.”

“Any sighting of the princess and the prince?”

“They were seen leaving the village for the manor, but nothing more.”

Yapha and Kardi exchanged a glance before they went outside, their men was quick to anticipate their need, already readied their horses. Both of them mounted their ride with one swift move that they could immediately race towards the princess’ entourage, their men following closely behind. Dread filling him as he urged his horse to go faster, not caring whether he was being followed, all he could think of were his wife and his son.

The trees and bushes soon cleared to give way to what appeared to be a fight; he recognized his and Kardi’s men against black-clothed men. He cursed when he saw the fallen men had arrows in their bodies.

“Watch out for archers!” They were getting smarter, Yapha had to hand it to them for learning from their failures. His men was experienced in war, they could easily trace the arrows back to its source and moved to dispatch the ones who could give more harm. Having that taken care of, Yapha’s gaze swept upon the place and found a feminine figure running towards him and Kardi.

“Father! The princess and the prince!” Marviani pointed out to the west direction, completely level-headed despite having just gotten ambushed and standing in the middle of fallen men. Both men pulled their reins, swiftly changed their mounts’ direction. With a burst of speed, Yapha arrived on a clearing, effectively pinning down and slashing the nearby men as he jumped down from the horse. He quickly went into battle mode; the world came into sharp focus, easily separating which were his allies and his enemies, making no mistakes along the way. At the same time, he scanned his surroundings, looking for familiar figures of his wife and his child.

Moments into the fray, Yapha caught the sight of platinum-blond hair at the edge his clearing and saw the limping figure of his physician who appeared to be holding the princess back while protecting her. The sight made him pause, until he followed their line of sight. His eyes widened when he saw his crying son separated from his mother and was tried to be returned to Theodora by his own men. He ran towards them, but before he could reach them, he saw his men cut down and his son taken by one of the assassins. The man was quick to make use of his advantage; he turned towards Yapha and his allies, holding Shani against his chest with a sword at his small neck.

“Stop or we’ll kill the child.”

“No! Shani!” Theodora cried out in fear, trying vainly to reach for her son from behind the physician. Patra’s hold on her was firm and unyielding, despite his limp.

It happened all over again, Yapha thought in the detached horror.

Yapha was thrown back into similar situation three years ago when black-clothed men ambushed his small entourage. They had hold his child captive too, the only difference that they didn’t hold his wife captive.

He was better prepared, but he still found himself frozen in his place in indecision. But like before, he was a moment too long. Theodora somehow managed to slip away from Patra and had taken a step towards the cornered men.

“My son in exchange for myself.”

“No!” Yapha was snapped out from his stupor. He very nearly ran to his wife and pulled her to safety if it wasn’t for his son’s fearful cries as the man, probably the leader, pressed the blade tighter.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to make any demands, _Your Highness_ ,” the leader sneered. “Come Princess. We’d release your son once you come to us.”

Theodora stepped forward hesitantly, but her steps grew steadier as she approached the black-clothed men who were holding her son.

“You haven’t released my son,” Theodora spoke boldly, keeping the men at arms’ length, still within a distance for Patra and Yapha’s men to protect her. The leader who was holding merely raised an eyebrow and held Shani tighter, making him cry louder. For once Yapha could see a flash of anger in the mild princess, but she said nothing and stepped forward, only to be taken by one of the men and held with a blade at her neck. Yapha, Kardi and their men instinctively tried to move forward and was stopped when they saw a thin line of blood appearing on Theodora’s neck.

“Drop your weapons!”

Engrossed in their power over the crown prince and the Baris lord, they didn’t notice the princess’ hand slipping into her sleeves and pulling out a small dagger. The tense silence in the clearing was suddenly broken by a cry of pain, all eyes snapped towards the source. The man who had been holding Theodora captive was stabbed at the side.

Patra saw the opening and immediately seized the chance, skillfully throwing the knife to the man that held the little prince captive, killing him instantly. Theodora wasted no chance once she saw her son freed; she threw herself over her son to protect him. The remaining men who realized the disruption in the plan quickly switched to their last order, which appeared to kill the wife and the son, but before they could take another step towards the princess or even raise their sword against her, they were no more but burst of red.

Yapha had never moved quicker than that moment. When he saw his wife and son released from their clutches even for a short while, he covered the distance in few, quick steps before swinging his sword mightily, taking the lives of the men in one swing. The rage that was bubbling under the surface was starting to overflow and he had no intention of stopping or putting it under control. He killed the men who dared to attack his wife and son without remorse, none of them could hold their own against his might or even lay their blade on his person. He kept swinging his blade until there was no more.

He breathed heavily, his hair falling over his face, his robes tattered and tainted, his sword was dripping with blood. When Yapha turned to look at her, Theodora found herself frozen in fear at the wild look in his eyes, instinctively holding her child tighter to her chest. But then the look was gone, replaced with much worse: cold, blank look. Theodora recognized that look, he was trying to shut everyone out, and she was part of the reason.

“Patra. Take them away.”Theodora couldn’t ignore the chill that came down her spine at the coldness in the voice of her husband.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Yapha didn’t give her another look and instead went to Kardi who was rounding out the bodies and separating the bodies of his and Yapha’s with those of the assassins. Yet Theodora could barely look away from his figure that Patra needed to tug her gently to move.

“Your Highness!” Marviani’s relieved cry took her attention away from her husband to her friend, who was in no better state than she was, her hair mussed, her face and her dress dirtied. Theodora felt a rush of relief to see that no harm befell the woman, she feared that Marviani would end up hurt the way Posya had been, or even worse.

“How are you and Dinara?” Theodora remembered that she was not the only one with child when the attack happened.

“I’m fine, Your Highness. Dinara, smart, brave child,” Marviani expressed fervently, “that child managed to hide herself within the bushes. I already sent her back to the castle.” Theodora’s shoulders sagged as though the weight was lifted from her shoulders.

“You’re hurt…” Marviani’s brow furrowed in concern. Theodora followed her line of sight to the thin cut on her neck, absently touching the cut.

“It doesn’t hurt and it already stops bleeding,” Theodora assured her friend instead. Marviani only frowned at this and would contradict her were it not for Shani.

“Ma…ma.” The sight of Shani curled against her chest sent an overwhelming rush of love and affection and protectiveness in her. He had stopped crying the moment he was within her arms and his tiny fists tightly clenched her dress as though not letting go. Theodora adjusted her son’s position in her arms, bringing his head closer to her heart. She found out early on that he was easier to be comforted with the steady thump of her heart against his ear.

“I’m here, Shani,” she caressed the soft-tufted head and kissed him soundly in relief that she had not lost him today.

“Let’s go back to the manor, shall we?” Marviani already moved to her side, taking the side which Patra hadn’t covered.

Theodora let herself be led away, but her mind kept wandering back to the cold, blank eyes of her husband.

*

*

*

“How is he?”

Theodora didn’t truly expect to see Yapha later in the day, considering what happened. And yet here he was, in her assigned quarters in the Baris manor. She had just sent Shani off to sleep in his cot. She was glad of children’s ability to cope, or probably to forget, as it granted him sleep which would be elusive should he be older.

“He’s alright. He might not even remember any of it, come morning.”

Suddenly he seized her wrist tightly and pulled her away forcefully out of the bedchamber to the outer chamber. Theodora could feel her heart racing with fear, beating madly against her chest, but she didn’t resist as he almost threw her bodily on the chair. Her hand went to the freed wrist, already feeling the bruise that was forming.

“What were you thinking?!” Theodora jumped at his livid voice. Never had she seen the prince this angry, his eyes were blazing, his hands clenched at his side, his presence completely overwhelmed her, a complete contrast to the cold, emotionless man that she saw last. He was like a different person, just like he turned wild in that clearing as he took down the men who threatened her and their child. At that moment, Theodora realized how little she knew of her husband, and yet… and yet… even as she instinctively inched back, she couldn’t truly fear him, because beneath the anger, the frustration, she saw fear, anxiety. He was angry, but not at her.

Thus Theodora kept herself still, her back straight, her chin up as she met his furious gaze regardless of her instincts that screamed at her to pull back, to retreat, to get away from him before he could hurt her.

“All I was thinking was to get to Shani.”

“By exchanging yourself?” His voice was loud and harsh in the silence of the chamber; Theodora resisted the urge to wince. “You can’t think they would be as kind as to let you.”

“I know they wouldn’t,” Theodora soldiered on, regardless of the narrowing of his eyes in response. “I only intended to distract them enough for you to stop them.”

“You could’ve been hurt!” Yapha threw his hands in frustration and turned his back on her. “You could’ve- you could’ve…” Then the rage seemed to diminish, leaving his emotions completely bare to see. Theodora found herself speechless; she didn’t quite realize how much she came to mean to him that he would react this way to the slightest possibility of losing her. And Theodora couldn’t know what to make of it. Words had come easily to her once she set aside her feelings, allowing her to find the right words to get her message across. But now, her heart was so full of emotions that she barely choked a word, let alone make one.

“I promised, didn’t I?” Theodora spoke softly, her eyes never leaving his hunched figure. “I promised that I wouldn’t leave you. I would stay by your side.”

_Because you were the first to ask me of this._

Yapha didn’t respond to her words, he simply stood there, still not looking at her. Theodora had no other words to say, so she settled to wait.

“It was the same.”

Theodora looked at him questioningly.

“It was the same, three years ago. The day Haisha and Rhonda died.”

Theodora stilled, she had never found out what happened that day and had decided that she didn’t need to know unless Yapha was willing to share it with her.

“That day…we went to visit my mother’s grave. I didn’t bring many of my men. I… had foolishly thought that no harm would befall upon us, that should anything happen, I would be enough.”

He scoffed at this, the sound was pained and it made her heart ache along with him, knowing how hard it was for him to recall the memories. He took a shuddering breath before continuing.

“They came. Those bastards came. I fought them, but they managed to get Haisha and Rhonda, and they threatened to kill them if I didn’t drop my weapon. Haisha tried to stop me, insisting that the men were of Ran and they would not dare to hurt her. However, I hesitated.”

Theodora blinked; she couldn’t believe how eerily familiar the story was, but also how it made everything fall into place.

“I hesitated just a little too long, just like today,” Yapha painfully admitted, recalling how he let himself _think_ that they wouldn’t hurt Haisha, instead of ignoring their threats. He remembered standing there with swords pointed at him from all sides, his sword lowered still since the moment he saw Haisha and their son held back by those black-clothed men. He didn’t move even when one of the men indirectly confirmed that they were not supposed to hurt Haisha as they moved their threat on Rhonda, Rhonda who could only cry helplessly. He still didn’t move when Haisha pulled out the dagger from the man who held her captive and stabbed Rhonda at the back, taking the assassins completely by surprise.

He only started to move when she looked at him with tears in her eyes, telling him not to drop his sword and that her time with him had been happy and before he could do anything, or even cry out, she had raised the dagger and plunged it into her abdomen. He could remember the rage, he could remember the pain, he could remember the grief, and most of all, he could remember the regret.

“She killed our son, then she killed herself, all because she thought I would die, all because I _hesitated_.” Yapha let out all of this in a rush, not wanting to dwell in the memories, to remember her last words to him. It was all his fault, all his fault that his wife and his son died that day, and he nearly repeated the same mistake all over again.

“You loved her.”

Yapha turned slowly, prepared to see the disgust, the loathing, but wasn’t prepared to see the kindness and the understanding on her face.

“And she loved you.” His breath hitched at her statement. He had loved her, and yet he never opened his heart, his mind to her. All because she was the daughter of the Rans. He never told her that he loved her, not even once.

“She shouldn’t have.” He had only hurt her, he knew, everything he wasn’t willing to trust her with his thoughts, his feelings. In the end, she died, because of him, because she loved him enough to die for him.

“Often we do what we shouldn’t,” Theodora told him with a wistful smile. “I… fell in love with a man, back in Ramira.”

This time it was Yapha who found himself listening, taken away from the horrible memories that haunted him and would have swallowed him whole.

“There was a man… who tried to seduce me and kept going after me regardless of my countless refusals. He didn’t take it kindly.”

Despite knowing it had already happened, Yapha couldn’t quell the anger and the urge to go after the man who dared to lay a hand on Theodora, but he said nothing, and merely let Theodora speak.

“Then he came, like a knight in shining armor,” Theodora knew how she sounded as she retold her story, she sounded like a lovesick girl, but at that time, she couldn’t help but to see him as her savior, her knight, the first man who ever stood up for her.

“Only later I did find out who he was,” Theodora looked at Yapha, “He was Leonard Vaida, the eldest son of the General Vaida.”

Yapha recognized the name Vaida easily; it was the name of the most prominent noble family in Ramira and had been known for its loyalty in serving the Pyordova’s royal family until the very bitter end, regardless of the insurmountable odds.The general fell in the final battle, and the eldest was told to be injured grievously. In such chaos, with such injuries, he couldn’t have escaped the battlefield and even if he managed to survive, the newly crowned King Bardere would not be inclined to leave anyone who might challenge his rule alive. Yapha was starting to see Theodora in a new light. She knew how it felt to lose someone they loved.

“Nothing happened between us,” Theodora told him, “I was too much of a coward. I dared not speak with him, let alone look at him.” She picked at her dress with a self-depreciating smile that Yapha was all too familiar with from the time he spent in her presence. The sight made him both sad and angry, and made him wish he could make her stop.

“I am rather jealous of you. Both you and Haisha knew how it felt to love and be loved in return.”

“I… didn’t quite see it like that,” somehow Yapha found himself closing the distance between them and sitting next to her, the rage was all but gone from him. He felt slightly disoriented; he had always kept a tight leash on his emotions and he was surprised by the intensity of them, once he let himself feel. He should feel ashamed, he should feel angry, he should feel anything but relieved. But that was how he felt, as he sat next to her, their bodies so close that he could feel her warmth, her presence calm and solid, her voice gentle and comforting.

“It’s hard to see things clearly when you have lost someone dear to you.” Theodora could sympathize, though she didn't quite imagine, considering how much they loved each other that they would readily die for each other. Theodora glanced at the man beside her. The darkness was still there, but it seemed to lessen somewhat. Her hand reached out slowly and her fingers slipped themselves between the gaps of his long, large fingers. He surprised her by tangling their fingers. Theodora was mesmerized by the feel of the callous fingers, the way her fingers into his, the strong, large hand beneath her small, fragile one and she couldn’t shake the sense of rightness that it didn’t even occur to her to let go. She had felt it once when she reached out to him during that first day of the celebration of Shani’s birth and dismissed it as a mere coincidence, but she could no longer do the same.

In that moment, they were not Theodora of Anatoria and Yapha of Skarde, the two strangers forced into a marriage neither wanted, but they were merely Theodora and Yapha, who both had loved and lost. They bared themselves to each other for the very first time, learning to reach out and lean against each other.

Broken as he was, he still cared for her; distrustful as he was, he respected her; bloodied his hands were, they were gentle when he touched her. Try as she might, she could feel the walls she built around her heart crumble, letting her once again vulnerable to pain and sadness, but she found herself cared a little.

She was kind and patient, warm and understanding. She was everything he didn’t deserve. She was everything he needed. She gave him light; she gave him hope in the world so dark and bleak. She was his heart, his conscience who would readily remind him what he had lost and forgotten. She was his weakness, but she was also his strength. He should have let her go, as he should, as he intended to do in the very beginning, but now letting go was the last thing he wanted to do.

Slowly they turned to look at each other, looking at each other as though they had just seen each other for the very first time, because they had. They had seen each other at their best and worst, they had shared their thoughts and feelings. When Yapha leaned forward, Theodora didn’t pull back; instead she closed her eyes and let him press his lips against her own. The kiss was chaste and gentle. It was comfort and reassurance. It was a request and a demand.

It was a promise.

It tasted like a new beginning.

_Thus was how the new era of Skarde started, from two people who had loved and lost, who had taken a chance and been rewarded. The battle for succession to the throne of Skarde after King Mamere Argo were recorded as the most brilliant in Skardean history, as the most famous minds of Skarde came into play, drawn by the very presence of Prince Yapha Argo, among them were Prince Shilla Argo and Lord Kardi Baris. Prince Yapha eventually rose to the throne becoming known as the King Yapha the Righteous, with his beloved Queen Theodora the Gentle, who remained by his side and became to be his only wife until the very end._


End file.
